See a psychologist

I want to see one and sometimes I am aware of my needth of seeing one and finding answers to some questions. But I simply can’t set up an appointment and imagine myself going in there.

Life is weird for me. I spend a lot of time on the sidelines, and not a lot of time just living.
i hope that learning more about myself, and becoming more confident will help me become a better person and be happier.

i’ve never felt like i really fit in, and despite my boyfriend saying it’s not true i still feel very uncomfortable about new people. it’s becoming difficult for me to make new friends. I’d like to be able to make new friends and not feel like strangers are attacking me before i enter the workforce and try to get a real job, and network and all that stuff.

there are other things like family issues that i need to sort out. i know it’s not my fault but for some reason it’s not sticking.

so my university has a counseling program, and i am going to go an try to find someone who can help me…

Therapy helped me a lot till now. I slowly start understanding myself. I feel I put all the small peaces of a puzzle together. I understand now what a central role my father has in my life and how much this harms me. I understand why I never let any men love me and why I leave them when they really care. I understand now why I don’t let myself be happy.. There are still many questions, at least it is getting better.

.. I don’t know if I should tell anyone that I am seeing a psychologist. My best friend knows, but no one else, not even my family. I just tell them the that I am going to see some friends, they must think that I have suddenly become very social.. My Dad would just say his usual cynical remarks and my Mom would be very worried and disappointed, because I could not solve my problems alone. I did not even tell the psychologist that no one knows I go there.

She always gives me some homework. Last time she asked me to write about 20 sentences about women. But I don’t understand exactly what should I write about: women in general, women in my family, me as a woman?

I just came home from seeing a psychologist. She was very helpful. I intend to go back. While there are no particular details I wish to give, this was worth doing.

I think I want some help dealing with some issues that I haven’t been so successful with myself, but I’m not sure I can talk to a complete stranger about this. I’m not even sure how to choose someone, really. Just pick a name off the insurance list? ...I’m working up to it.

It felt unnatural, and bizarre. Un-Human maybe? I feel that you should do this thing with a friend and not a stranger. But the fact that this stranger has knowledge that could help me, and is more objective than any of my friends made me do it.

One of the things that he told me was, that I just need someone to talk. Along with other things.. Soon I’ve started crying.. (And it was only my first session :P)

It was totally worth it. I’m going again on Wednesday. :)

i booked an appointment. so friday will be the day. anxious? very. :/ i hope it will be alright, she seemed like a nice person.