take better care of my diabetes

Some of my major goals right now are to start taking better care of my diabetes, become more active with life, and to treat my family the way they should be treated!

I have a 4 year old son and I hope to be here for him for a LONG time and If I dont take better care of myself I wont….

After not going to my diabetes specialists for 3 years (I had to cancel a bunch of appointments because they’re made like six months in advance and I could never make them), I finally called and had a new one booked. It was set for May, but they bumped me up to March 1st when they got an opening.
I spent four hours in the clinic; met with a nurse, dietician, a doctor, and a doctor-in-training. This was at a different hosptial than the one I had been going to, and wow! Do i LOVE this team.
They were soo thorough and helpful. For the first time, I didn’t feel guilty talking about my habits. The dietician is diabetic herself, and she is younger with a busy lifestyle, so she understands that it’s pretty much impossible to eat right all the time. Instead, she helped me work around my schedule and gave me a few easy tips to start with. I have already started doing them, and it’s not hard. Before, I always tried to change my whole life at once, and after a week it got too hard and I gave up. Now, I’m trying small things and working better diet choices into my life one at a time. (For example, making a conscious decision to try to eat 2 fresh fruits a day, as opposed to just thinking “I should eat more fruits.” Or makign sure to have a bit more protein with each meal to slow down the digestion process and level out my sugars so they aren’t spiking up after eating.

The doctor and nurse asked about my life and helped me see that I was taking too little insulin. However, I seem to have this inherent fear of going too low, so I almost purposely stay high. They told me that a good way to avoid this fear is to keep increasing my mealtime shots by a unit and testing an hour after to show myself that I’m not going low. I’ll keep doing that until I find the right amount of units to get me to a nice level – about 7 or so. I’m still too scared to be at 5 (since my averages for the last few months have been like, 15 or higher, a 5 for me feels like a low.)

Already, my sugars are falling. I’m nowhere near perfect. But I’m having say, one or two really high sugars a week (20+) as opposed to having them every day, sometimes all day.

It feels good. I hope I can keep it up.
And the best part is, less headaches.

It seems related to all the “him-related” things. I’ll start again this morning.

now I have to phone to the hospital to take an appointment with the specialized nurse to have her help me with the insulin doses.

I’m on a 10 days holiday now. Good moment to take back the control. I’m starting to adapt the doses, added 2 units of lantus this morning. I don’t like when I have to increase the dose. I feel like I failed when I do. But I don’t want negative thoughts anymore. I can’t make my diabetes disappear. But I can cope with it. And I’ll do. With a little help from my friends
:-)

I was over 3,20 g yesterday at bedtime…
I felt hypoglycemia tonight and was at 0,96 g, which means I’ve been in hyperglycemia for a long time. Of course I knew it. But now, I know it ! I mean I can’t pretend. Why do I do such stupid things ? I know what the consequences are. I know I’m hurting myself. So why ?
I hope the shock of these numbers will help me to find the strengh to cope with that.

Well, in fact no, I just kept telling I was so tired, and he got me saying that it surely was because of diabetes through a few questions…
So here’s what we decided : since I can’t manage to control my glycemia regularly by myself, I’ll show him my result next week. So I have to do the tests and to write down the results. I know of course that control is the only way to equilibrate my glycemia, and that I would feel better. My doctor stopped asking me for regular results, my mother too, and I’m so lonely… and have so many problems to cope with by myself. So it can sound childish, but I really think that it will help if someone else cares for my diabetes.
I’m starting tonight !

Somewhere I’m still the little neglected (?) girl that has been slowly taught that she didn’t deserve interest… That little girl in me thinks that she doesn’t deserve that someone takes care of her, not even herself…

I had an appointment with my diabetolog. I didn’t go. I know my results aren’t good. I don’t think a new amount of culpabilizing sentences would have done any good to my mental health, nor to my diabetes. Perhaps it sounds like cowardness, but I already know very well what she would have said to me : control regularly, loose weight, eat less, exercise more… So easy to say. I didn’t feel like going, so I didn’t go.