participate in a 43T Artist's Way Group

I haven’t worked on this goal in a long while, but I’m not putting it aside, because I do enjoy the creative exercises and the ways in which it encourages people to explore their world and to get out and do things!!!

Not too long ago, I was having a brief conversation with a woman at my office who asked me what I did over the weekend. I said I went to the county fair, and she said, “Well, I suppose my daughter would like it, but who has time to go out and do that? We also have to walk around and be outside.”

Needless to say, I never went out of my way to talk to her again. The response got me a little angry. What kind of life must you be leading if you don’t bother to go outside or walk a little to see the sights? But I’m sure the same woman wouldn’t have a problem watching tv, talking on the phone or using the many technological devices she owns to anestheticize herself in her virtual world.

Morning pages – 4 out of 7 days. Taking up time I want to spend doing other things.

Artist’s date – on Tuesday I took the long route home, through the Botanic Gardens and enjoyed what was a brilliant summer evening. I looked at the Peace Shrine and walked up past the Henry Moore sculpture. I took a few photos on the way home and some later that evening (see above). I’ve put one of these on my PC at work, so that I can look at this whenever I have a phone conversation instead of whatever document I happen to have open on my screen at any given time. I’ve been finding that both relaxing and inspiring.

The other tasks – looking back through my morning pages. No thanks. I can remember rather too well what’s in them and I don’t need reminding. I can think of some patterns that are all too obvious, like being black and white, saying should and shouldn’t and generally beating myself up. I didn’t do the collage thingy with pictures of myself either. I have made a list of goals for the next year in relation to my fve year plan, and I’ve started on one of those already.

You may have noticed I’ve marked this goal as done. That’s because I’ve looked at the tasks for the remaining weeks and decided that they are more busywork and seem like pretending to be creative to me. I could do those and tell myself that I am making progress because I am doing something. However one thing I know about myself is that I procrastinate because I tell myself I don’t have the right equipment, surroundings or circumstances to do whatever it is. The remaining weeks seem to me to be concerned with these things, therefore I think I am better off out there doing. I do not need collages or rocks or whatever.

Morning pages – really bad, only four days out of seven. Part of that has been having some days starting at 7am this week, meaning I have to wake at 5.30. I didn’t manage to get them done in the evening either.

Artist date – lovely afternoon last Sunday looking at a couple of art exhibitions and taking photos. Feeling both relaxed and inspired after this.

Synchronicity – someone who I don’t know well asked me today if I was in some sort of literary business. She remembered me talking about reading and my remarks had impressed her. I decided to follow one of the affirmations in chapter 8 and share my creativity more openly, so I told her that writing a novel was one of my dreams. I also mentioned an author I particularly admired, and it turns out she is about to read his books, as her parents had recommended them. She has said she’d love to read my book when I write it. Maybe this is a sign that I should get on and write it?

Other issues important for my recovery – I have been able to talk to people about creative things I am doing, the writing mentioned above and also my photography without feeling fearful about what they might say. One interesting thing I came across which I wish I could find again so I could post the link here was about how people are no longer actively involved in making art. They use travel to cultural centres such as New York and viewing other people’s creations in theatres and museums as a substitute for their own creativity. Because their own efforts don’t measure up to what they see, they don’t create. When I look at my own family, my great-grandfather was a talented weekend painter, and various family members proudly hang his paintings on the wall. My grandmother was an excellent pianist, who played the piano regularly until the end of her life. Subsequent generations just don’t do these things any more.

What else I did this week.

Worked through the exercises about my dream, worked out my true north, my role model (the author mentioned above) and made an action plan.

Colour scheme – green. I am calm, peaceful and serene. I am deep and reflective. I am at one with the world and the life force within it.

Style search – listed 20 things I like to do. Worked out my ideal day using this list and chose one festive aspect from this day. It was having a luxurious bath, so I went to a shop which sells the most gorgeous bath things, and bought a fig and geranium scented bath bomb.

Despite having a really busy week, I am feeling quite energised, rather than tired.

1. Morning Pages: I made a concerted effort. I wrote five out of seven days. The experience was cathartic, esp. when things bothered me; it was good to vent. I also reflected on the image of God that I wanted to believe in, vs. the prepackaged one we’re so often sold.

2. My artist dates were wonderful. I gave myself two. I spent several hours cleaning what was to be the baby room and exchanged some things for new pillows and a cover for the couch and moved things around. Cleansing.

3. I did experience synchronicity this week. A friend called up and asked if I would be open to a job that just became available. He then helped me shape my resume and cover letter. The interview will be Monday. I’m so nervous, b/c the job is far from my areas of expertise or strength. But it’s a big gaping open door.

Tasks:
1. Cooking: made almond jello dessert and baked turkey drumsticks, which were a bit too salty.

2. Gave away stuff to Goodwill and gained floor space.

3. Postcards: Have not done this.

4. Made changes to my home environment (see artist date).

5. Freebies: I practiced using coupons. Enjoyed free frozen yogurt with a friend and had 2-fer-1 Indian food.

6. Crazy idea about what I would like to be doing: writing full-time!

Morning pages – managed 6 out of 7 days. No great new insights, but I wasn’t feeling great this week due to a cold. I actually had the day off on Wednesday, and ended up cancelling a few things, so I feel quite good about getting through this week at all.

Artist date – went to see a movie which I guess was a safe choice. Did not like the movie, even though it’s had some critical acclaim.

Other tasks

Listening to one side of an album – that was the instruction, so I took it literally and dug out my old vinyl. Good nostalgia trip.

One wonderful smell in the house – apple and cinnamon candles

Bought wonderful fluffy socks for wearing round the house

The collage – difficult. Managed four images after looking for an hour. I listed 5 favorite movies and 5 themes to read about, and noticed there was a definite disconnection between them and what was in the magazines I was looking through. This year I have been buying far fewer magazines, basically feeling that they are a waste of time and don’t do much for me. I guess this exercise has confirmed this.

This week was supposed to be about recovering a sense of connection. I’m actually feeling rather disconnected, but I think that may be due to being sick. I’ll see how next week (recovering a sense of strength) goes.

This week was better. I managed the morning pages six days out of seven, although I didn’t write three pages. I tried Turandot’s technique of using them to look forward to the day ahead, and that was helpful. I felt happier and less stressed about doing them.

My artist date was going for a walk through the Botanic Gardens one lunchtime. I thought I would also look for interesting stones, and leaves and flowers, as per the tasks listed this week. However I was so busy admiring the general view of the gardens I forgot about doing this.

I have found two stones that I picked up from a beach in New Caledonia and put them in a place where I will see them everyday. I also looked again at a rock given to me some time ago by an elderly Maori man who paints them and gives them to people he thinks deserve or need them. That’s it in the picture above. On one side it says

Into the daylight
Into the world of light.
Believe more deeply. Hold your face up to the light even though for the moment you do not see…

On the other side it says

Whakapono: Have faith in yourself
Tumanako: To achieve your dreams
Aroha: Through love
The kind of love that has no price tag on it…

I haven’t given away five pieces of ratty clothing, because currently I don’t have anything in that category. I’ve actually made an effort over the last few months to have only things that I like in my wardrobe, so I’ve done quite a bit of purging.

As far as creating is concerned, baking is a bit beyond me, but I did do broccoli au gratin for dinner one night. That involves a bit more cooking than I normally do. I enjoyed eating that.

I’ve sent cards to five friends, including the one who suggested I do the Artist’s Way. I ordered cards with my photographs on, and they arrived today, so that’s what I did this afternoon. Immediately after this I had a phone call from a friend who I’ve been trying to contact for a while. That seems more than coincidence to me!

Didn’t read the Basic Principles or the Artist’s Prayer.

I’ve been trying to make my home a nicer environment this week by using candles, and turning on the twig lights in my bedroom. I bought these things to give my living space a bit of atmosphere, but I keep forgetting to use them. One of my key things this year is to enjoy the possessions I already own, so this really fits into that. I already have what I need to make changes in my home environment, I just need to do it.

Haven’t noticed any new flow in my life this week. As far as changes in my financial situation or my perspective on it, one thing I am grateful for is that I have sufficient money to enjoy cultural activities, and I actually do this. In my French class this week, we were asked to split into groups of three and discuss a concert or other live performance we had seen. I managed to talk about a play I saw a couple of weeks ago, and one of the other people also described a play. The third person’s last live performance seen was a Pink Floyd concert over twenty years ago. In previous week’s conversation time, I’ve discovered this person goes to the movies only once or twice a year. I can’t help thinking what a boring stunted life. I haven’t found out yet what he actually does with his spare time, but I am so glad I avail myself of opportunities to see creative works. These opportunities don’t necessarily cost a lot in monetary terms either.

My intentions of making a better job of week 5 this week did not actually translate into reality.

I haven’t done morning pages for 2 days now, and I’m not really feeling like getting them done today either. They just take up so much time which I have been really short of this week. I find it takes 40 to 45 minutes to do the 3 pages, which is a big chunk out of my day. I have had a really busy week at work, combined with lack of sleep due to some noisy neighbours who had parties Wednesday and Friday nights. Any spare time I have I’ve been trying to rest and catch up on sleep. I don’t feel the morning pages are actually doing anything positive for me.

As far as an artist’s date, I’ve spent time looking through photo’s I’ve taken. One really great thing is noticing how much better I’ve got since I first bought my digital camera. The photos I took on my trip to Vanuatu are fine as a record of that holiday, but not nearly as good as the ones I take now.

I worked my way through some of the tasks but as for starting an image file and being alert to images to put in it, my immediate response is “get real”, I haven’t had the time to go looking for images. I have’t read a newspaper or magazine, or even spent much time on the internet this week. Images just didn’t pass my eyes this week, apart from looking at my own photos as described above.

The final tasks asked about what is blocking me from being creative, and I felt like saying this is taking too much time without actually being productive. I’m thinking that actually enrolling myself in some sort of writing course or workshop might be more productive.

I looked ahead to Week 6, and that might be better. It’s about abundance, enjoying life and not turning creativity into work(!) so it could be helpful. A quick look at Week 7 tells me that perfectionism is one of the topics covered there, so that could be useful too.

However I am really beginning to think this isn’t what I need.

I am not going to count it as week 5. I’m going to try and really do week 5 properly next week. Work was really over the top this week and got in the way of a few things, including this. On the plus side, I heard about two writing competitions on Tuesday, just very minor ones, but something I can actually focus on doing. I also spent some time looking through the photos I have taken. As explained here, I’ve put some on a website.

I’ve been writing my morning pages almost daily… and accepted the fact that I just don’t like doing them in the morning, I am more of a late night person. I think it still does what I need them to do this way, and that’s just how I’m going to do them. This is the main thing that I have been consistant about. I do whine a great deal, mostly it’s a journal of worrying but it also seems like a form of praying other times. Does anyone else do that?

My artist dates have mostly been trying creative dishes- I’m on a extremely tight budget and this has been the easiest way for me to be expressive. So far I’ve tried Spinach and Tomato pie (so-so), Bermuda Triangle cookies (excellent!! I’m from Bermuda so I had to try them!!), Johnny Cakes (a native dish also that I never tried, or made before… which I adored, of course!) various pasta dishes (good but not exciting).

Other things that I have noticed: I have been writing my screenplay in fits and starts. I am experiencing synchroncity a bit too.

As for the exercises, I’ve done a lot of them but for the sake of keeping this somewhat short, I will post more details later.
I’ve also decided to put them all in a separate notebook to my journal- I just like doing it that way.

Morning pages – 6 days out of 7. Thursday was just too busy again. I went to a new book group in the evening, which I think will be good for me in the long run. I am going to try for 7 days next week.

Artist’s date – went to see the movie Juno which I enjoyed. Not sure that it’s really Academy Award material though, but different.

Synchronicity – I’ve been meaning to e-mail a friend for ages and when I finally did, it was the day she announced her engagement to everyone back in the city where we met. It meant I got to hear about it the same day as everyone else. Oh, and thinking about rain for Nonna and that worked!

Issues – I had some real difficulty getting everything done. I thought about it and decided to do my best, but not beat myself up if absolutely everything doesn’t get done. Sometimes I can be too all or nothing, instead of looking for improvement or growth. Then I use that as an excuse to give up. Having said that, I will do my best to get things done, and I will tackle things that are more challenging and take me out of my comfort zone first.

So what about the other activities for the week.

I described my ideal environment, myself at 80 and myself at 8. I didn’t write the letters and I didn’t write my own artist’s prayer.

I found a space to be my dream area, a chair that I had always planned for this anyway, but ended up chucking clothing and other bits and pieces on. I cleared it off and resisted the urge to put the washing on there when I brought it in this afternoon.

The life pie has changed only slightly, but ay least there is change.

I threw out 2 low self-worth garments.

I haven’t looked at one situation in my life that I think I should change. There is nothing hugely pressing at the moment.

Reading deprivation – this was interesting. I did disregard the instruction not to do even work reading, because my job involves a fair amount of reading. I had two regular reports due this week and a meeting on restructuring one of them. If I didn’t do the reading required so I could write the sections requested of me, then my colleagues or manager would have had to do the work (this is what happens when I am away). In our current work environment, where we all worked overtime this week, this would have gone down like the proverbial lead balloon. I didn’t read anything that I didn’t have work on immediately, so that filtered out those random and possibly interesting bits and pieces that float across my screen each day.

At home, I did refrain from reading for pleasure, books or magazines. I did reasonably well on not reading newspapers, until I saw a headline on tax cuts and I just had to read that, and then there was a hijacking here yesterday which everyone was talking about. I did switch the radio over to a more news oriented station, and that was a different and interesting experience. I have decided to do that more often. I also listened to more music, CDs and even vinyl that I already own, instead of listening to my usual commercial radio station. I feel I achieved something here, getting out of habits that had become a rut and experiencing new ways of receiving information and entertainment.