Celebrate my daughter Emma's Incredibly Creative, Wise, High-Spirited Self...

Isn’t she amazing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YokuHmA10zM

and she managed it like a champ.

“What does autism mean?”

and Emma replied, “It means you are really cool.”

I love my kids

Of all my kids, Emma is having the toughest time on this trip. She is self conscious so couch surfing isn’t the best fit though it is stretching her which is good. Last night we were in a motel for the first time and as I uploaded in the dark, I heard her fitful sleep and for the first time I questioned myself about dragging my kids on this adventure, even though we laughed most of the day yesterday.

I need to stay positive and be sure I spend more time hugging Emma. I really notice, too, how hungry she is for physical affection and almost constant reassurance.

It is the age – her demeanor – insecurity…

(this came from one of the writing assignments I gave myself here, on 43t)

Emma knows how to get under my skin with her eleven-year-old pricklyness.

It is another weekday morning in my home and everyone is off to school without incident. Even though Emma was grouchy and late I allowed her to own her grouchiness and her lateness. It is hers, not mine to hold.

There are times I wish I felt the permission to express myself during puberty the way she does. I hope the permission I allow and her subsequent expression translates into an aware adult, but I know I can’t control what results come from the open emotional environment I have created.

Instead, I need to continue to step into this environment both for myself and my children and allow Emma’s pricklyness to simply be Emma’s pricklyness without taking the emotion or the child to upset me.

It isn’t personal, after all.

It isn’t about me, after all, though my darling child may prefer it be about me rather than her lack of foresight or planning. Her minimal motivation, her choices to stay inert rather than inaction – all of these are hers.

I will keep loving her and when the prickly-ness subsides, point her in the direction of solution.

a comment about the article – which was in Sunday’s Bakersfield Californian. That was quick!

One man asked Emma for her autograph. She loved the attention.

Here is Emma on the local TV show, “Do the Math” – she amazed them with her friendliness and lack of self-consciousness when she appeared today on their program.

I don’t think she knows how to be self conscious.

My child!

A really cool show where they actually help kids with Math homework. They gave a problem and she called in with the solution and now she gets to go on the air and talk math.

Which is exceptionally amusing because she says she is terrible at math!

She is playing what she calls “A dumb blonde” character named Mae. Hey, as long as she is happy.

I am happy that she will have something constructive to do that doesn’t involve sitting at the keyboard or complaining or eating.

I know, all typical pubescent behavior…..

She seems to really like the guy. I had to remember Don Miguel Ruiz and the four agreements “Do not take things personally” because he (the therapist) was good at inferring my Depression was what Emma was responding to, not her circumstances.

I took a deep breath and moved along.

My favorite line that rose out of my mouth was, “How long does someone have to feel bad before they get help? I suffered and felt bad for a long, long time. I don’t want that for her anymore. She has felt bad for long enough.”