Be single and enjoy it

One reason why it is great to be single..
Boys are nobs!

I had a brief misunderstanding with a boy recently where we went out a few times as friends or at least I assumed we were friends but he kept on asking me out, cooking me dinner, meeting up etc to which I turned him down quite a few times, anyway he ended up inviting me to a party so I thought okay I’ll go even though I had to be up early the next day, so when 4.00 rolled by and I headed off in a taxi (after much persuasion by him that he should come too – I said no) I found out today that he only went and slept with some other girl as soon as I had left. Then wouldn’t return my calls for weeks. I’m so sick of the lack of respect he had for me and am quite annoyed he made me go out with him even though I didn’t want to in the first place only for him to completely ignore me for weeks. We were due to go see a band on Saturday which needless to say he’s not invited along to, not that he’s going to get the glory of finding out until it’s too late, petty I suppose but I’m so sick of these silly silly boys and their silly silly games. I won’t put up with it anymore.

I’m still single and really I absolutely love it. I like attention too and fun is great, flirting is also great, but I’m really in no rush to find anyone just yet and it’s not something I intend to work on, it’s just something I do anyway. I mean the odd date is quite nice but I have far too much happening with all the other areas to worry about silly boys. I am however quite fickle so this may change, but for now I’m secretly hoping that it won’t.

Okay, so I maybe don’t have so much of comparison, really, but singledom rather suits me. My life, my time, my space is all my own. I struggle to fit in everything I want to right now – thank gawd I don’t have to fit in another person! Who needs whined at about how much time you spend studying!?

I haven’t enjoyed being single that much, I mean sometimes I think having someone to share the things that are important to me would be nice, but when I’m single I think I spend too much time thinking about relationships and having someone and I completely forget all the great things about solitude and being on my own and growing as a person independantly and without influence from a partner.

On Friday night I had the option of acquiring a boyfriend, which is always nice, but instead of enjoying the moment, I completely freaked out at this special little thing, I have spent weeks, months even trying to work out why exactly I keep holding back from this wonderful, beautiful, extraordinary person and I truly believe it can only be that I am simply not ready for commitment or sharing myself with someone else, and it made me think of how much we give to someone else. We seem to think that we meet in the middle, that there is compromise, but I think we, as people who have relationships, give so much more than that. I mean we are asking for so much, we ask of them to be
our lover
our best friend
our partner
our crux
our support
we ask to be
tolerent
loving
sensitive
interested in our work
compatible with interests, work, sex, living arangements
we ask so much of this person, things that we would/could never ask of our closest friends or family, that’s a whole lot of pressure, and frankly I’m not sure I am willing to give that much of myself. At least not yet.

Gosh it was fun! Also it was frustrating, nerve-racking and exhausting. After all the fun and frolicks and dating of 2007 I think i can say that I did have a year of being single and enjoying it, but I think that being single and enjoying it seems to depend on whether you are single by choice or whether singletonism has been thrust upon you. I’m still not sure if I’m actually single or not at the moment. I suppose, technically I’m not, but if there is one thing I’ve learned in 2007 then it’s that I’m really not good about committment and that’s not something I intend to work on! I’m counting on someone else to convince me that it’s actually not true. Until then I’m happy to remain in my little limbo state, it’s confusing and a bit frustrating at times but gosh, it’s fun….!

I don’t know. Paperfaerie thinks I’m single, I’m not so sure. I’m definitely in some sort of relationship. It’s not fair that the gods have played this cruel trick on me. My love life history can be summed up like this;
New Year 2005 – Heartbreak, tears and sobbing
Jan 2005- Nothing
Feb 2005 – Nothing
Mar 2005 – Nothing
Apr- 2005 – Nothing
May 2005 – Nothing
Nothing, nothing, nothing etc.
The whole of 2006 – Nothing
2007 – To begin with nothing and I resign myself to being a spinster then….
Feb 2007 – Something! – I meet Man A. He has a beard and I’m intrigued. We have a little daliance then it all goes quiet.
March 2007 – I meet the most handsome man I’ve ever seen. He’s dreamy and I have a crush This is Man B
March to May 2007- Man A is suddenly interested again and I spend this time trying to work out which one I like best- I can’t decide.
May 2007 – Enter Man C and he rocks my little folk world.
May to Sept 2007 – A, B or C, A, B or C. I can’t decide, I don’t know what to do. Eeek! Man B drops out of the picture, then I decide Man C is the one for me.
Sept to Nov 2007 – A series of misfortunes, catastrophes and freakish events seem to come in the way of Me and C getting it on. Progress is slow, frustratingly slow, but he continues to rock my little folk world.
Dec 1st 2007 – Man A declares his affections, Man B returns and declares his affections, Man C is unable to declare anything as he’s at a funeral.
So, after the drought came the flood. I’d like to be going out with someone, even in a shallow ‘someone to snog under the mistletoe’ kind of way! I don’t feel like I can go out “whoring” over the festive season because of Man C, I’d like to be going out with Man C but it’s just not happening due to various calamities and I kind of think that if it’s this difficult then maybe it’s not meant to be? I’ve not “done it” with him yet, so would it be classed as cheating if I got some Christmas snogs? I feel like it would be, but how long should I wait? What if all these set backs continue and I find that a year has gone by and then I realise that this is never going to happen with Man C and I’ve missed out on all the other fellas I might have met in the meantime? I’m in my prime for Christsake! Absnasm tires of my perpetual A, B or C? musings, everytime she sees me it’s something new, in fact I only saw her yesterday and I was like “C can go and get bent, he’s an asshole!” and now I’m like “Pity poor C, I feel guilty for being angry that he couldn’t see me on my birthday because he had a family crisis (again).” So, am I single? If I get off with someone else will it be cheating? Paperfaerie and I are going to party this weekend and I’d like to know if it will be morally wrong of me to party like a singleton?

I give up with bloody boys entirely because they are rubbish and I’m sick of having my happiness hanging on a phone call or a text or an email from someone who may or may not want a relationship with me. It’s just all too bloody complicated and I can’t go on trying to understand why as I don’t think I’ll ever find out.
Huh.

invest in friendships. They are far easier and relaxing than worry ing about boys who are scared of girls or who don’t know their own feelings.

From now on, I will remain single and be UNAVAILABLE to anyone. Well I will try anyway. It’s very hard, but I will try.

the sweet sound of relief.

After 2 weeks of running about juggling two men, I have finally managed to find out what I really want, and that is to stay being single, on my own, with no men.

Both men have felt a need to label our non relationships into a relationship scaring themsleves into oblivion. It has only been 3 weeks!

Why would they think I would want a relationship, I have made no inclination towards wanting a relationship, when we are out with friends, I refer to them as my friend, not my boyfriend. I meet them with friends, I say things like ‘maybe I’ll see you there’ rather than lets do this, lets do that. I say that I am going somewhere, not we, the word ‘we’ doesn’t even come into it. I am trying to maintain a sense of independance while trying to have fun, yet after a mere 3 kisses I am asked where we are going, or what’s going on. Nothing is going on, it is fun, we are free.

But even saying that I want no boyfriend seems to make boys want me even more, and seem to have picked up a potential third non-boyfriend. Does it ever stop? This one probably annoys me the most, because he knows about the other two and the stresses that they have brought, yet still thinks he can be affectionate towards me.

The only solution, is to get rid of them all and grow a wart over my face and start to be mean and nasty.

Perhaps I should become a charver.

asked me to label our ‘relationship’, I laughed at him and pushed him out of the door.