control my pain and take fewer meds.

I get migrains and wrist pain from my CP
it seems like my pain is worse when
it is cold
when i’m running on little sleep
when I’m stressed in general
well the first one I can’t fix but, I can try to fix the other two

because I think it’s subsumed under another health-type goal, and there are other things to concentrate on that I want to add.

Yeah, you heard me right. The continuing mamagement of the health things that worry me. I went in yesterday, gave my internist all the blood he wanted, and let them do an ultrasound on my leg to see if clots are causing the swelling. Answer: Nope (which I really knew in advance). It seems to futile to have these tests run, which cost a fortune and take up time—sweet time. I feel like I have to do it, because my parents died young, and I’d sure hate to die on these kids. My worst nightmare is to get told one day I’ve got some irreversable damage because I didn’t take care of something.

In a way, that’s what happened to my family. I have a letter from my beloved grandmother, in which she told me that she was having blood in her urine again, a sure sign that her bladder cancer was back. She said she felt so stupid, because she’d stopped having it checked. I can understand why—she just didn’t want to be messed with in a very private place at 6 mo. intervals. But she so regretted what happened—that it had spread to her lungs and her brain—and she was gone.

My mother, she knew she was in trouble, a mess really. She was overweight, and had smoked for so long, that it came as no surprise when they found a “spot” on her lung. She convinced the doctors that it was nothing, and old scar—and she convinced me, too. She probably didn’t want to deal with it. She was gone in 6 months. No one knew she had lung cancer till a week before she died.

Well, and I could go on and on. With this history, you learn to be vigilent. But what if I’m TOO vigilant? What if these are normal signs of aging, and I don’t know which ones to blow off and which ones to ask about? It makes me feel stupid to spend so much time managing my health….............

Sigh. Saw pain doc today. It’s a pain. The nurse practitioner from hell came in instead, couldn’t understand the issue, and had to give me to the doc (good deal). But that involved waiting another 3 hours.

I went because one foot has been swelling and turning funny colors. Dont’ know if it’s related to the pain syndrome or not. He thinks it may be related to the meds. Could I try weaning off them? Well, only if I don’t have much else to do.

Sigh. I really don’t like dealing with this. I’m a little mullygrubby—tired and nostalgic, wanting things to be different, wanting my health to be better, but dreaming never helped anyone, and I need to go to bed. So here goes…..

I saw the pain doc today…or rather, saw his nurse practitioner. The only thing that made it bearable, as she fumbled to remember exactly what is wrong with me, is that the nurse who made the appt. confessed they are trying to find someone else…It’s a good decision on their part, and allowed me to at least be nice to the woman.

During the appt., my left foot fell asleep, and the tingling hurt like hell. The nurse then exclaimed, pointing to my sandled foot, which was bright red and really amazingly swollen. Who knew that tingling was accompanied by those symptoms?

Well, I’ve seen it before, but it never happened in a doc’s office. I asked her to talk to doc for me. She said it could be my pain syndrome spreading. Yep, spreading. Blast and all that, I do not believe it! It may be time to pull some strings and go to the Mayo…..!

I have bad knees. Really bad. Due to a condition calld Chrondro Malcia Patella (basically the cartalidge is shit in my legs) I’m in pain constantly, and am supposed to be until I’m in my early 20’s. To make it easier, I do own a cane for the days walking is a problem, and I was perscribed Vicodin and Flexeril. I’ve been on them heavy lately, but they make me practically useless, so I’ve decided to try to buck it up and hold out without them. I have 9 pills left and no refills, so I’m keeping them for the worst of the worst. I think I can buck it up til then.

the nurse said she understood perfectly and would set my next appointment with him. Instead, the nurse practitioner showed up!!! She didn’t understand my medicines, asked me about the quality of my pain over and over, as though she didn’t believe me, and (thank heavens) had to go get doc to answer my questions.

I’m Southern, and I didn’t have it in my to ask Doc himself not to turn me over to her anymore. But I will call office back and make sure every single appointment is preceeded my this request, till everyone in the office knows what I want.

I went to my pain doc’s this week, and he has apparently been replaced by a nurse practitioner. This chick told me last time I was there all about her divorce (which I can understand is painful, but it’s not professionally appropriate), and she made it clear she had never even heard of the pain syndrome I have. She is unbelievably socially akward, and deals with it by alternating inappropriate disclosure with a stiff professional demeanor. Confusing to say the least.

This week she was only interested in my medications. She did not ask one question about my pain. She asked why my Cymbalta level wasn’t at 60 mg (answer: it causes migranes for me at that level and after 3 attempts to get it up various ways and no success, it’s where it was 2 months ago), why I hadn’t started Lyrica (answer: because you told me not to start it till I had my Cymbalta level up), and why I wasn’t on Topamax (answer: The doctor decided not to use that medicine at all, so she had not prescribed it for me!). With each question, she showed her ignorance more, and she couldn’t remember my name with the chart in her hand. I do not see any plan here at all on my med management.

I will have to call doc’s nurse and tell her about this. They deserve to know. He’s a good doctor, but I need better medical care, especially on morphine and a bunch of other meds. And if he’s not willing to do this, the search is on for another pain specialist.

and met a new nurse practitioner who had never heard of the illness I have! Didn’t know what it was! She seemed nice, but couldn’t understand why I was on morphine without having an obvious injury. I tried to explain without being patronizing, but it was awkward.

So maybe it’s a good thing…maybe she learned something important from what happened to me, and she was kind enough to share about her own stresses. But she couldn’t really answer some of my questions—- how to titrate these medicines together, whether my foot where the Little Horse stepped on it last month could be developing RSD, and whether some of my word finding problems could be side effects of my meds.

Argh. She went and asked my doc the most important questions, about sequencing of medicines, and they will look at my foot in 2 months. Oh, well. At least if it is spreading, I’m already taking all of the medicines that could possibly help. And the word finding problems will still be there 2 months from now to ask about—eiher that, or I will have found the answer myself through literature searches.

Yickes—pain level has been rising for about a week. Thought it was the cold, but now it’s warmer, so that’s not it. Stress of going back to work? Typing more? I don’t know, but I don’t like having it back after having had such a GREAT pain-free (or relatively pain-free) period