Work on being a healthier me, Spirit, Soul, and Body.

But to stay sane I had to do what I could as far as this goal. Think I accomplished it for what it’s worth. Long ways yet to go stil, however.

Spent the better part of this week very ill and oftentimes falling apart. I really must reaffirm my committment to this goal espescially physical health concerns. It ain’t pretty when I don’t.

I’m playing catch up here once again. I never get to all the things in my life I want to work on. Too busy running after life trying to make it behave. Ay!

But old bad habits, and self-destructive drivenness, as well as being too hard on myself are contributing to some bad ideas, I guess, not exactly sure. Depends on who you ask. Spiritually I guess I’m sinning which is death, Soul-wise I’m feeling the hurt of low self-esteem and loneliness, and body I haven’t addressed much because I’ve been dealing with the 1st two. A relationship gone sour has made things take a nose dive, at least disoriented me, and in the midst of it all my schedule blew up with classes, interviews etc… haven’t been to work in 2 days, just needed the rest and couldn’t “deal” so I don’t know what I’ll do in 2 or 3 weeks when my paycheck is paltry. Oh why didn’t I have a V8??? The good thing is I’m bouncing back, realizing what a kick ass girl I am, an I’m able to still laugh and be tender to myself in someways. perhaps that is an indication that I’m getting healthier.

Watching LA ink someone said life is short do what you want, have no regrets. I’ve lived my life too long in the shadow of other people’s opinions, afraid to come out and dip my toe in the water, too busy trying to be “the good girl” so I wouldn’t come under any more of God’s wrath. I’m letting go of many things I ascribed to that are just not healthy let alone true. Living my life like its golden will take some risks and some free falling and that’s ok. The point is I’m free!

Gotta stay away from things that crush my spirit and break my heart. If I choose them, give myself the kindness and grace to back out. Must forgive myself the mistakes and missteps. Curl up and hold myself and be a good friend to me.

Learning to breathe and offer my body unto God as an instrument of worship. It’s been beyond beneficial getting quiet and receptive before God in worship, while reaping the calming benefits of deep breathing, and moving and stretching my body. Perfect daily practice for this goal.

And picked up anything I wanted and filled my basket. It felt so indulgent. It was good for me, and free!

For spiritual, mental, and physical clarity. I’m finding as I walk closer with God, my outrageous appetite is under control, just don’t think about food as much! Greater sensitivity to the eternal.

And being absolutely terrified. Perfect love casts out fear. God’s ardent love flooded my heart and adored me into peace and gratitude. Score one for spiritual health!