I’ve been doing better with accepting mistakes of the past. Sure, I have my regrets. Everyone does, but I honestly don’t think that’s what’s slowing me down right now. I may take a little time to mourn what could have been or muse on missed opportunities but I feel at peace with most of my past (some family issues aside).
The part I’m getting lost on is moving towards the future. I see tons of actions I could be taking but for some reason or another I’m more content with exploring and fantasizing about these options and not taking action. I’ve also been lost in the “what ifs”. I used to get lost in these for past events more, but now I’m lost in a sea of options and possibilities and it’s just as immobilizing. I just need to choose something to do and follow it. Sometimes I just think too much and worry about making the best decision and end up making no decision at all.
Other than that I’m not sure what’s holding me back (though in the spirit of this entry, I should really be searching for what I want rather than what I lack)
I just wish I had more accomplishments and in general more activity going on in my life. I have beautiful visions and dreams, think beautiful thoughts, feel beautiful feelings, and make beautiful music. But there’s so much more I could do with these and so much of what I do is in my head. I really want to go further and see where these things can take me. Although all this inspiration and idealism is good and should be the fuel of any action, having it just sitting there is most frustrating.
I also wish I had more visible accomplishments that more people can see and value. I mean things like getting a job, driving, having a relationship…and all that. But to go after these things because they are highly visible and valued is nothing more than status seeking and I hope that’s not what’s fueling my interest. I see these all as means to self actualization, part of a bigger puzzle.
