Starting NOW, clean my office for 1/2 hour

Well, for starters I found out my timer is broken, (I hadn’t used it for a long time), and so I threw it away. (Hurray, that is one of my goals too!)

I spent the half hour going through file cabinet drawers to see what was in them. I have 6 file cabinet drawers in this room, and most of them are full of old stuff. No wonder I leave stuff on the desk and the floor.

While I was working, I thought about something that I’d read in a book I have on my bookshelf about OCD. It’s called “SUDS”, which stands for

Subjective
Units of
Distress
Scale

It’s a scale from 0 to 100, where 0 is complete absence of anxiety, 50 is moderate (like taking a test where you have prepared well, but you are still moderately anxious about it), and 100 is the scariest situation you can imagine.

I think my SUDS scale was maybe up around 75 or so. Maybe a little higher. In fact, just thinking about what my SUDS level was when looking at those old files makes my heart rate go up. I can feel it.

I’ve never really used this workbook with the SUDS scale in it. I’ve only read it. (I almost loaned it to a friend who has OCD but different fears from my own.) I just now took a look at the book again, and it’s all about dealing with fear and anxiety. But basically, I did just what the book said to do. I kept on taking an inventory of my files for the full 30 minutes, in spite of the rising anxiety level of which I was mindful. It’s a start. The experiment was a success. Yay!

The spirit of mindfulness. Just try an experiment for a half hour and see if I can mindfully take a look at what needs doing in here. I’ve brought in a timer, and I’m setting it for 30 minutes right now.

who have experience in this matter, I am scaling back to cleaning increments of 5 minutes for now.

try, try, again. And again. And again. And again…

This is also an opportunity to stick to my goals, and to clear the desks and, to find my bills so I can keep on paying them on time, and, when I am in doubt, to throw it out. Now that’s multi-tasking.

I will try again tomorrow.

I have a lot of trouble with my goal “when in doubt, throw it out.” I am going to commit to myself to try again tomorrow.

The phone kept on ringing, and I kept on answering it, and I’m glad I did, because the last call was very productive. But again, none of it had anything to do with getting the papers up off the floor. I did get the 1st load of laundry into the dryer, and the 2nd load into the washer. I will have clean clothes but a messy floor. A therapist told me yesterday that my house is a metaphor for my life.

I guess the good news is that I started a load of laundry. (Even though that has nothing to do with the papers on the floor.)

I’ll pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again for the 3rd 1/2-hour starting right NOW…

My papers have been on the floor all week, and one of my cats enjoys shredding them with her teeth. Gotta work some more on this before they are all completely shredded. (Of course, if I let her completely shred all the papers, then I could just simply throw it all out and simplify my life. But no…there might be something very valuable down there underneath my feet.)

May day did not go as planned. I was interrupted by something else and did not get started until late tonight. And this particular pile I’m working on is from about 1 year ago, a very emotional time for me. But, I did work for a half hour. I will now pat myself on the back and give myself a big cheer.