Wake up in the morning, and want to face the world

I am so tired all the time, lately. When I wake up, facing the world is the last thing on my mind. I’ve had trippy, existential-narrative style dreams pretty much every night of my life, and for the past few weeks of near-constant stress they’ve gained the psychological weight of a small planet, or possibly a cigar. I’ve started wasting my youth on the snooze button just about every morning, because the feeling of not having to wake up, even if it’s only for ten minutes, is that comforting. Unfortunately, I don’t really have any control over my own willingness to face the world… I’ll have to just wait it out, I guess.

In the past two years, four people in my high school have killed themselves, and another did so a few nights ago.
I’m happy to say that I’m continuing to do my part to keep my class’s mortality rate in the single digits.

Today, I think, I woke up and wanted to face the world. I have my school stuff and my books and my journal and a plan for the day, a nice outfit, clean hair, face, and teeth… it’s going to be a good day, I think. Or I’m going to make it a good day, rather.

I dont want to get up and be like “wtf? Another day?” I want to wake up and be like “Hurray!”
lol
I want to know exactly who and what im living for! Not just that im living!