figure out what is wrong

the whole problem lies in a word.

there’s a name to this, but i’m not going to say it because it will just make things worse. this would be so much easier if i had a doctor.

now that i’ve figured it out, i need to fix it.

but how am i supposed to do this? how can i just stop living in my head?

i have to learn to separate what i want to happen from what really will happen. i live in my head. i make plans and then i play them out in my head for days. when what really happens happens, it never goes the same as i imagined. it’s always disappointing. i need to stop thinking, stop planning and just live. i have to appreciate what actually happens rather than hate it because it wasn’t what i expected.

i’ve been feeling weird and discontent lately. even more so than usual and i’m not sure why.

i guess it could be because i just started high school again for the millionth year. i’m starting drivers ed tomorrow. i don’t know anyone there and there’s only one person i can talk to at school, but it’s hard when he is with his friends.

i feel like i missed out on summer.