be someone's everything

I quit my job. I left my home. I got on a plane and flew across the country because I was falling in love. Romantic? Insane? Yeah.

But somehow I knew it would be okay. And when I got here we kissed and we laughed and we just stared at each other, laying in bed for hours and smiling.

For weeks I didn’t tell him how I felt because I was afraid of something ridiculous. I wasn’t afraid of moving thousands and thousands of miles away and quitting the first job I’d ever enjoyed since being able to work, but I was afraid he would say nothing when I told him that I loved him.

The other day was the first time I said it. I cried. I stumbled over the words and finally… I said it. And he did. And now I’m so incredibly happy. We’re both happy.

Isn’t he cute?

In January 2008, I lost my “everything”. It took me almost the whole year to get over him. I dated around, but I never really found anyone who made me smile the way he did. I said “I love you” to some guys and didn’t mean it, turns out they didn’t either so no harm done.

Then, when the pain started to go away and when I started to take dating seriously again, he wanted me back. It took all the courage in me to turn him down.

I’m currently pursuing something with someone now, but he lives in California. I’m starting to think the unlikeliness of success is the reason why he’s the first person I’ve actually liked since the break-up. He depresses me a little bit though. He’s so caught up in his job and when he has a bad day he says stuff like “I’m going to be doing this forever” not realizing that saying stuff like that reflects on his views of success with me. I told him this the other night, and he apologized, but I really do wonder what he thinks about us.

Anyway, it will be okay. I hope it works out with him. He visited during Christmas, and that was nice. He’s talking about flying me out there in August.

You really want to be someone’s EVERYTHING? Like, they are completely dependent on you? Even if just completely emotionally dependent and not physically or economically, believe me it’s bad news. Not only is it a huge burden on you, it doesn’t serve them well and when things go bad, they will hate you. And it will all be your fault.

That’s what his personal message said one night while we were chatting on msn. “I think I luv her “really””. This blew me away….literally. Wasnt sure how to respond to it so I ignored and kept chatting even though I knew it was me he was referring to. He’s also said that being without me makes him feel so empty and that I’ve given him joy he’s never experienced. Maybe just maybe I’ll be his everything real soon!

“I love you, Zack Gray. I really don’t know what I’d do without you. You’re my everything.”

this girls my life. shes the best thing thats happened to me.

this is something that would make me smile for a long long time.

Totally worth doing. It makes your life a lot easier and wholesome. It’s like part of me was missing and now I’ve found it. The only bad thing about this is that if I ever lose the person that I mean everything to, is going to be BAD. But luckily I know I’ll never lose him. <3

he told me i was his organ, his bloodstream, and his everything. without me there’s no him. he said he depends on me lol.