There's something I wanted to say...

Under the Dome comes out today!

I wonder if I can start reading it today?

http://paganmusic.bandcamp.com/track/green-fields-of-france

Women’s roles in America. The other day I was listening to an interview on CNN radio. It’s all well and good that we’ve cracked the glass ceiling, but what are we going to do about it. When are we going to start changing some workplace cultures? It was a great discussion.
The US is the only industrialized country that does not offer paid maternity leave. In fact, the maternity leave that is offered is several months less than most other developed nations. The government has no way to track the people that use FMLA (family leave – unpaid up to 12 weeks). When is our government going to realize the importance of maternity and paternity leave and make it government paid and longer?
How can I get involved in this fight? Any ideas? Claire is now 6 weeks old and it breaks my heart to think that if I was in a different economic situation, I’d have to go back to work next week.

that I am a self knowing money managing extrovert. Hmmm.

This “goal” sounds like a good place to write about this….on Tuesday of this week I was diagnosed with breast cancer, which was found by an abnormal area on my mammogram. The radiologist who looked at my mammo was really amazing to find this little problem, it’s only about the size of a green pea. I could so easily have gove another entire year without knowing about this. I have been more or less in a state of shock since Tuesday, since I have zero risk factors for this disease.

Finally, this afternoon my husband and I got to see the surgeon recommended by my doctor and I am really much more relieved….it looks like I am going to have a “little” lumpectomy and then 35 (!) radiation treatments, but after that the prognosis looks really good…

I thought about writing a goal to “beat this cancer” but that sounded really silly, of course anyone getting a cancer diagnosis wants to win.

Right now I am just hoping to get off the roller coaster of emotions of fear, anger, and now a bit of relief and get on with the treatment.

Got to have one more test next week, and the surgery will probably be the following week. Just want it to be behind me.

whose entries are no longer showing for me. I’m not sure how this can happen unless this person blocked me. I’m sad because I’ve known this person on this sight for over 3 years. I’m disappointed because I wasn’t even told why and I’m imagining how I could have offended. Was I too negative and grumpy during my pregancy? A little too snippy one day? Really rude and didn’t realize it.

I’m sorry if I hurt or offended. Please let me know if I can right a wrong.

M

M wants to move out of her dad’s house and move in with us primarily. (Right now both M and A go back and forth for a week at a time.) I’m trying to handle this in the best possible way because A doesn’t want to change her situation right now. I don’t want to cause undue stress or pain for anyone involved.

M has spoken with her dad and he has told her no. I called my divorce lawyer to try to get a sense of what we can expect if this ends up in court, but she hasn’t returned my call yet. I got an email saying she’d call me last Tuesday, then she didn’t. I wanted to talk with her before I spoke with M’s dad, but it’s not a necessity, so I’m going to call him tomorrow and urge him to reconsider, and let him know that we support her in this. Then I’m planning to give him a week to think about it before I mention court and lawyers.

I have had an anxiety disorder my whole life, and for the past few years it has largely been under control thanks to medication. But for the past few weeks, since M made her decision to talk with her dad (after talking with me about it for about 2 years), I’ve been a mess of anxiety. I’ve had nightmares, insomnia, upset stomach, inability to focus, chest pain, you name it. I’ve increased my medication dosage a little to deal with it, but I’m still in a bad way.

I just want to do the best I can for my daughters to help them be happy and safe, and it frustrates me terribly that I’m virtually incapacitated with anxiety. I don’t know why I’m so afraid. Even the worst case scenario isn’t going to change my life or the kids’ lives for the worst, beyond some hard feelings from their dad. I just need to figure out how to get past the anxiety, and how to hide it, and to do what needs to be done.

It’s the craziest thing. Here it is, August, and my apple tree has blossoms again!

Is that weirdness or what?

about the quiet of the house first thing in the morning. I’m looking through the posts of the people I’ve come to think of as friends. They are supportive and thoughtful. I’m clean from the shower, drinking my water, and feeling the baby in me wake up. She’s stretching and making her presence known. There’s a daddy-long-legs spider in the corner minding his own business, so I’ll let him stay. There are bills on the desk, but we have the money to pay them. My son and My husband are both comfortably asleep in bed.

In a few minutes, I’ll get up and get ready for work. It’s a good job, even though I wish it were something else. It will hurt to walk today because the baby is causing sciatic issues. I will loose my cool several times today because that is my problem lately. But at the end of the day, when I pick Andrew up, he will run to me and shout “MOMMY” and give me the biggest smile and hug.

Life is good.

Life is good.

As far as hours go, that is. I’m scheduled for less than 20, but I can usually sneak in a few more and I don’t feel guilty for it. Every single department manager doesn’t like their 30 hour week, so they ALL work 40 (or close) anyway and no one says anything to them. Kim is the only one who watches some, and even she gets 35-36 each week.