earn respect

only way i know to do this is by being consistent in your actions and the words you speak.

so i hear everyone has forgotten and forgiven my past self destructive tendencies. im to a level of repsect that i am comfortable with. i stayed away from them for a couple of weeks and rethought my prioritys and morals. i stayed away from partys while i was out on my drug/ drinking binge and everything settled down after that. my best friends boyfriend even forgave me realising i was a bitch because i was pregnant and it wasnt my fault. i still havent gained the respect for taylor, but hey, who DOES he respect?

there are so many things i have done that i have lost many friends because of lack of respect. my view on choices i make in everyday life are twisted and confused. it will take a while to recover, and let them forget what i have done. im not one to have regrets. its the people that dont realise its just me trying to live life as adventurous as i can.the one thing i have been working on is trying not to degrade myself until theres nothing left. im a problem drinker. and that needs to stop.

I want to be the kind of person people trust for good reason, and develop the kind of resources to be a beam of support and not a weight on my family and friends.

I believe I have done this. People treat me as such, and I need to accept it.

Just curious… sometimes I feel like I get way more than my share. I should always be working harder and harder to be the best at what I do. When I don’t feel like I’m at my best, it’s hard to accept I may still be worthy. I really want to be worthy of every bit I get.