I am going through something right now…I have this intense desire to know myself…the good and the bad. To see myself clearly and impartially and solve all the problems and imperfections in my character. I know I will never be perfect this side of heaven but I just want to start working on things. I wish I had someone who liked to discuss the deeper things of life. I sometimes feel like my need for self discovery is sinful to a degree when I could be putting my energy in helping others. I think my main problem is I have all this time on my hands with no one but me so I suppose it is natural to want to be introspective. I heard n interview with one of my favorite singers – Rob Thomas, about his addiction to twitter and how he doesn’t want to be narcissistic and have an idea and have to share it with the world…but he does…thought that was really cute…but I do the same thing. Is it wrong? Like I know I think and overanalyze things way too much but lately I just want to take the Bible/human wisdom and things I have learned and come up with black and white answers…you should do this you shouldn’t do this…there is soooooo much gray to life it seems….things that are ok to do but take them too far and they are a sin…I don’t know how to not take anything too far. I am very single minded…now if I could just get single minded about God I could be a really good servant for Him.
Anyway, I also sometimes get stuck in the mindset that I have to solve all my broken pieces before I can do anything else…be any use to anyone, find love etc…I know this isn’t true or the only happy married successful people would be perfect i.e. there would be none…I don’t know. I just have this intense desire to give the best of me and that requires knowing who I am…
seriously if I didn’t know better and was reading this…I would think I had some deep mental issues lol I can write a book and never say a thing…
People doing this are also doing these things:
Entries
I feel like a very immature little girl. I still live with my parents due to a bunch of reasons, mental illness and finances having been the chief ones in the past. I am 29 years old and I sat down one day and realized…I have no close friends and when I talk to people it is about one of the handful of problems that have plagued me for my whole adult life. I don’t know who Wendy is that isn’t in debt, overweight, unemployed, lonely, and dependent. I find when I talk to people it is along the lines of one of those problems. These problems have ruled and defined my life. They are all on my 43 things list and I hope as I take care of each one I discover a little bit more of myself.
One thing on my 43 things list is to move out. My address is with my parents but I live with my boyfriend. I was dying to move out of my parents house b/c they make me so upset that I cry every time I go there and can’t think and am just frustrated. That is only a place for destruction. Then I moved in with my bf. It’s much more peaceful and I am hardly ever upset. So now I’m okay. But I want to be HAPPY. My bf is freakin’ awesome, so freakin’ sweet. But I want to live on my own so I can do more for myself and discover myself more. I explained that to him. We agreed that we will miss each other but he understands that I have to do what I have to do for myself and he says he will support me through that!
and I feel like I have made my identity something that is related to my material possessions. I have almost always bought designer clothes and other items. I have always been so sensitive to people looking down on me for not having the “latest” of anything. People DO judge you on that sort of stuff. I guess what I am saying is I really don’t want to care anymore.
It just seems like this has defined me. What do I do with my precious time when I am not shopping or cleaning the “stuff” out of my closet to make room for new? I wasn’t raised like this. I was raised by a mom that didn’t care about that kind of stuff. People did look down on her, but she didn’t care. She was a wonderful human being.
I have traveled a LOT in my life and seen so much. I did all of this by myself, and this did help tremendously. I married late in life (at 44) and I have no children, so it wasn’t those traditional things that defined me.
I am tired of defining myself in meaningless ways. I know who (or, rather, whose) I am spiritually, so its not in that area whatsoever. I guess I am just wanting to leave the old materialistic me behind! I am so ready!
I married at 16 years old and have been married to the same wonderful man for 30 years. I have three fantastic boys. I am currently working on coursework to be a Licensed Professional Counselor, but I don’t really know who I am. These are the roles I fill. I want to gain a deeper understanding of who I am.
yay
my tummy hurts
i like gum
and toast
gum and toast
but not at the same time
well maby, but youd have to have one side of your mouth for gum and one side for toast and that sounds like alot of work
is it alot or a lot?
hmm…
we should all just drink some juice
Sara is liking herself more.
but I am happy with where I am at in life. I feel like my life is on track and headed in a positive direction for sure. Letting go and letting God was the best thing I have ever done.
i havent been on 43things for quite some time and that saddens me so im adding it to my list of shit to do in my head because the things that arnt on my 43things list always get done first
so yeah, ill be on more
you know, unless im gang raped and murdered
