I kind of like not having to work much for a living.
I often feel a lot of shame for not having a power career, or even working more to contribute to our funds. The reality is, I like having free time, doing things I enjoy, and I wish people would quit thinking that it makes me lazy.
If I had a job that meant something to me, that would be a different story. It’s not that I won’t work, it’s that I see no point in taking a shit job if I don’t have to. However, most of the jobs I’m qualified for are menial, degrading, and I would end up with just another shitty boss (as always happens with menial, degrading jobs).
Why, exactly, should I be running out there to sign up?
My husband makes a good living, and though at times it makes me feel kind of dependant and vulnerable, I am often just grateful because it saves me from the grinding, soul-crushing jobs I have had to take in the past.
I honestly do not know what it is about me that seems to keep me in this menial level. I am smart, and capable, but I never seem to do well in jobs. I know that I am likely too smart and too independent for these kinds of jobs, and I usually am unmotivated to grovel at the boss’s feet, which is what they seem to expect. I’m not qualified for much more than that.
Honestly, most of the work world seems like a cruel joke to me, designed to make us hate life, feel degraded, and to sap the joy out of us. It’s mystifying. I would love to change that aspect of the world, so that people could have jobs that enhance their lives, not sap all of their energy, stealing time from real living.
Right now, I do clean for people a couple of days a week, and I am a casual fill-in at a small library (which still has some crap associated with it, but less than most people’s jobs). I really just want to work enough to contribute towards the animals, and keep me in touch with the world.
I am a little lazy, but I do a lot at home. I just do it on my own schedule (I’m a night owl). So, people might think I am shockingly lazy because I don’t get up until noon. What they don’t understand is that I might also be doing laundry at midnight, and washing the floors.
Anyhow, as much as everyone might judge me, and as much as I sometimes suffer from the guilt of not having a “career path”, I often am just happy not to have to deal too much with the work world, and take care of business here at home.
I guess if I was truly farming for a living, or doing something slightly different like boarding people’s horses for money, or running a petting zoo, then it would be a valid “job”. Instead, I am taking care of our acreage, and our animals for pleasure.
If I were being paid to do this for some millionaire who needed a live-in caretaker, all of a sudden that would be a job too. A very valuable job!
As it is, what I do is not called a job. The world is a funny place. 13 months ago