oh it sucks. 1 month ago

My ex… I finally ended this 7 years of bullcrap with the help of a guy who was going through a separation. He made me feel good pretty again. It made me realise how my ex hadn’t complimented me in a long long time. I started falling for this guy and he for me. I talked through his marital problems with him (though it hurt)... and managed to convince him to try again or try harder to make it work for the sake of his kids. I told him what he could do to make things better and that she clearly does still care and wants his attention.

It’s the second day since he decided that and that we can only be friends… I cried myself to sleep last night and throughout the day today. It’s the right thing to do right? I’m sure he made the right decision… then why does it leave me feeling so damn pathetic and needy? At least I won’t be a home wrecker anymore. :( 5 months ago

Well i don’t have lupus. I no longer hurt yay! I have a gene that shows i could have Ankylosing Spondylitis but it isn’t advanced enough o be formally diagnosed. I have been discharged back to the GP and all is good. 7 months ago

So for the last 10 or so months, I have had a really bad back. It started just after I finished college and after a trip to the GP and a plethora of bloods, we discovered that I had an elevated ESR level which indicates inflammation in the body, and a positive ANA which indicates an autoimmune disease, mainly either lupus or sjorgens syndrome. So I was referred to a rheumatologist who I met for the first time in October 2011. He looked at my blood test and did a physical exam and without asking much about my other symptoms, which include knee pain, constantly tired, migraines, infertility etc etc, he decided I didn’t have lupus as I don’t get mouth ulcers. Oh well that settles that then. He sent me for an X-ray and decided I have sacroiliitis which is inflammation of the sacroiliac joint (located at the back of the pelvis). Gave me a prescription of naproxen and sent me away to have 10 vials of blood taken.

I go back for my second visit on the 16th of jan and tbh i am not expecting much. Although I am secretly hoping the extra blood tests for lupus show that I do have it, as I do have a lot of the symptoms, and he will be eating humble pie. If so I shall be asking to see another rheumatologist as I will not be dealing with him on a regular basis. Another possibility is that I have ankylosing spondylitis which is a form of rheumatoid arthritis that affects the spine and sacroiliac joint. Time will tell. 16 months ago

After many years of saying no, I finally gave in and hurt myself again the other week. We’ve been seeing each other for 5.5years and ’’officially’’ together for 1-2 years. He’s as possessive and stuff like I am… we call each other and speak and text every single day. We see each other in the weekend now because he moved an hour away. We spend all weekend together.

It was very hurtful today because he met up with a friend and I met them for dinner… he comes up to me first to tell me to ’’act normal.’’ What’s normal? No cuddles/kisses whatnot because we’re JUST FRIENDS- because when his friend asked if he had a gf, he said, ‘no’. Which is the exact same thing he said to a friend whom he plans to move in with near his new job. So… when I go up to stay the weekend with him I’m just, ‘a friend,’ who acts like a whore. He doesn’t get how I feel. He told me that even if that friend who asks him again if I was his gf, he’d still say no. I said that even if he said that we’re seeing each other… it makes me feel… a tad better.

He doesn’t understand… am I over-reacting? It hurts so bad… I shouldn’t be with him, the guy I fell for was much more caring… didn’t play mind games. I wish he’d just grow up. Or maybe it’s me who needs to grow up and stop asking so much. :’( 21 months ago

my last entry was from the heart. and it was not enough. no reconciliation. time to move on. it was messy and hurt like ripping a bandage off but I’m taking care of myself and moving on. we gave it all we had to give and i can’t expect either of us to be anything but who we are.

life goes on. my inner suffering is lightened significantly. 23 months ago

we needed to talk for so long – used to plead for it, cried so much for so long i thought i had to be done if only for self preservation. and then it happened – a spontaneous moment set us both open; a lot of raw feelings and tears, but we talked and it’s a start. i have no clue what next but this is so much better than living with feelings of betrayal or abandonment or rejection or whatever. and it was real. maybe something will come of it. maybe at least we can hear each other better. 1 year ago