stop hurting

why my back is so fragile these days is the weakened stomach muscles from the operation. Although I have paid attention and tried to be careful, I think that I really had no idea how much of the heavy lifting I did with my abdomen rather than my back.

So, I’ve decided that the pilates mat work that I was given by a physical therapist years ago, when I wanted to slim my ab down (for vanity) needs to become something I do for my health and overall wellbeing.

I am NOT going to become more and more frail as I age if I can help it! And I’m still in a phase of my life where I can.

jkd

Dunno.

I’m real tired of feeling lousy one way or the other! It’s been since last SEPTEMBER when I first got told I was borderline re the high blood pressure, then the ovary. I recover from surgery and FINALLY start to feel ok and then screw up my back.

This is ENOUGH already! I don’t need any more character, thank you very much, I have LOTS. I don’t need physical challenges now that the emotional stuff is largely done.

Geez! Give the girl a break already—

jkd

every time I moved it hurt and woke me up.

I’d put on the heating pad and that would be good, until it brought on a hot flash, then I’d be too hot, and move out of the covers/away from the heating pad. Then I’d get cold, or I’d have moved wrong, and it would hurt, and I’d put on the heating pad….

And I got very little sleep as a result!

After meds this a.m., I feel much better, but this is the worst my back has been for years, and I am NOT enjoying it!

jkd

but DH and I still decided that I’m staying home today too. And I was ORDERED not to strip/make the bed. A problem, as the sheets need to be washed! I guess I’ll get DH to do this before he leaves. We have clean summer weight sheets he can put on so I can lie in bed….

My agenda for today is to keep working on my house notebook.

Two days ago, I worked on cleaning up my office. I’d bought 10 wine gift boxes at the market for .25 each after 1/1/09, hadn’t a clue what I was going to use them for, but got them anyway. I put all kinds of loose stuff in them: printer’s blocks, ink stamps, wood bits, etc. Filled all 10 and found a place they work on my desk too. So that’s what I cleaned up two days ago that was new.

Yesterday I worked on cleaning up the mess of files on the desktop computer. I have multiple copies of the novel, the house notebook, the interactive seasonal food calendar (and non-food calendar), etc. and I spent a fair amount of time working on straightening up THAT mess yesterday.

My only agenda today is to finish the purchase cost/yield cost charts I had started yesterday and messed up, so that I deleted almost all of them last night. They don’t take that long to do, but I’d hopelessly muddled things by not being careful about which file was which. I’d overwritten things, files had the wrong name, etc. so I just pitched all and started over. Anyway, I need to finish redoing what I’d done and finish the effort too.

I’m going to count the “stop hurting” goal complete if I can get through today without pain medication, something I couldn’t manage yesterday. Although I’m not sure if it’s wise to do this, I may ask my RN SIL what she thinks….

Judith

And I’m not making the bed (that’s how I threw my back out yesterday)!

If this is my damnable subconscious trying to keep me from changing (a la consistency challenge) there has to be a better way!

If not, then it’s just bad luck.

Ah well, 2 more days off of a “perfect” score. I’ll survive.

But I tell you, I NEVER want to be in so much pain again that I literally get to the bathroom on my belly. It made aging issues a whole lot more urgent, let me tell you!

DH and I spent part of today talking about what we learned because of this, and one clear conclusion we came to was that he’s going to move the towel rack so it is anchored in the stud, not the plaster. (I almost took it off the wall yesterday trying to support myself on it.)

This was NOTNOT fun!

jkd

2ND TIME IN 2 WEEKS. BAD;Y ENOUGH Thst I crawled/slithered to the baathroom on my belly.

Whole new set of priorities: sittling upright long enough to use the john without being in agony

managing to rype 1 handed

needing flexistraws to eat

gets worse? we go to hosp!

jkd

Nope. Not yet. Still hurting although the distractions manage to take my mind off of it temporarily. The pain does become duller but it’s still there. It doesn’t go anywhere & after the last blow, it surfaced again & I have to give it time to subside. Again. Become dull. Again.

i’m not getting any better. i feel so pathetic. infact, i am. i went to the gym today with my bestfriend… for the past 4 days i’ve been going every day for 2hrs at a time. my body is so tired… but i still can’t sleep.
... he asked me to dinner last night… i had a gym class so i said to go tonight instead. turns out he had forgotten about me. he finished uni at 4pm. only texted me at 5pm to see what i was up to… and that he wanted a lift to the hospital to be put on a nebulizer because he throat was hurting. that’s all i was. a free taxi service. it really hurt. the more i think about it the more it hurts.

bleh.. just crying right now. can’t stop… :’(

I can’t stop hurting over my partner we have three kids and he always takes off but comes back every couple of weeks i forgive him for disappearing and take him back because i can’t stand the pain. then i’m happy and he takes off again. how do i stop the pain so i can leave him. we have been together for seven years.

ok feeling really lonely atm… :( i have my friends around me, but it just isn’t him. sigh…..