Reflect on things that have made me happy

1. papa g. is doing dramatically better!

2. being blessed to come see papa & grandma g. and most of their family.

3. god answering everyones prayers!

4. friends treating me like family

5. seeing and learning about a magnificent city through the eyes of the locals.

Montgomery Gentry Merry Christmas From the Family .

Every year my family and I sing this at the top of our lungs to each other… for no reason except to annoy the guests

;o)

has become actually enjoyable with the cherubs since this new store has opened.

The difference is they have teeny tiny carts for the kids and tons of free samples all around the store.

The kids can’t wait to go and I can actually go through the whole store and get what I need everytime.

I LOVEthis song, and it has nothing to do with a boy.

When I bought my PT convertible this was a huge country hit and I heard it on the way home after I picked it up ;o)

If license plates had punctuation I seriously would have put 99.9%SUR on it ^{okay, I know I’m a geek, you don’t have to point it out for me…}

;o)

(ps – I couldn’t find the original music videon on YT, only one with the TV show on it…don’t look at the pictures and it’ll make more sense)

I could listen to him all day long, but It Ain’t Me Babe is one of my favorites. I love how sassy Johnny & June are and so sassy in their deep love for each other.

As it’s playing all I can do is smile ;o)

When you think that the big ad companies are changing the midwest, well… I think they missed this Tavern.

Taken over the Thanksgiving Holiday and is very typical of the thought and effort put into illustrating the entire story of why an establishment should be selected!

;o)

~ That I remembered that I had to bring cupcakes and plates for yet another cherub Thanksgiving party and they were delivered early
~ That I thought to buy pumpkin pies for my oldest cherubs teachers as a “Thank you at Thanksgiving” and delivered them today
~ My cherubs and I had a great morning

and

~ I feel very Jennalicious today :o)

~ Found out Ex-H got engaged this weekend, and I am very happy for him and the Soon-To-Be-Mrs.

~ the Soon-To-Be-Mrs. is sweet, kind, loves the cherubs and takes wonderful care of them (what more could I want really?)

~ I told Ex-H about my morning, well, a very brief version really, and he was actually pretty sympathetic, which I didn’t expect and had nice things to say about me (like the old H used to), which made me cry for the first time today.

~ Cherubs & I put the Christmas Tree up!!!!

~ We went to bed very late, but all very very very happy!!!

I just heard Fallen by Sarah McLaughlin and am remembering the hard times pre-divorce and the constant questioning of my decision to leave. It brought me into a time-machine and all the feelings I was going through during that period.

It was the right decision. It was a tough decision. I was scared and eager to pull the trigger. I was tough and weak. I was fully in control on the outside and crumbling on the inside. I had never been happier and never been sadder. I wanted to be loved, but was running away from the man who loved me. I wanted my family whole and having many many meetings with an attorney to break my family apart.

I regretted my many choices in my own self-help of destroying my marriage (whether real or imagined it didn’t matter ~ they still haunted me).

Not only was I arguing with my H, I was arguing with my family on the way I was executing it (i.e. why hadn’t I done it sooner? what are you waiting for? why do you put up with it?) and arguing with myself (how can you do this? what will the children think? how will you make it on your own? where should we live? what if he justs stops like he says he will and everything will go back to the happy times?)

Well, I’ve been gone a while. Celebrating almost 2 years of physical separation (on 12/26 – Merry Christmas!) and now 7 months of post-official divorce.

The “Fallen” song is still touching because not everything is resolved. Life is never neat and tidy. My mind still questions, still doubts, still strains to understand why? why? why?

I know I could not stay. I know that I made the very best choice.

But, my heart still bleeds and oozes on occasion.

I put this in under this goal because actually my thoughts are getting better then they used to be.

The pain is lessening. The foregiveness not so forced. There are good times, funny times, happy times and all of those come with more frequency.

That is a victory. I’m hoping to have more victories as time distances me from it.