Live Transparent

Give God all of me
but it is kinda a continuation of this and another entry also…
so I’m opting to put it here instead.

I was thinking about all the wonderful things in Gennie’s life
the attitudes and actions that made her, her.
How she was more like Christ then anyone I had ever known.
In what ways I could imitate her as she imitated Christ.
How I wanted to be like her.
How I would give anything to have her character.
all of a sudden I realized something…
she was fat!
lol

I’ll give anything… and everything, to be just like her ;)

I was sitting at the airport yesterday, waiting for DH to pick me up (we only have one car) While I was waiting, I was engaging in one of my favorite activities, people watching. A Lemo pulled up, and out came a family … really two families, really.. it looked as though they were related. All had the same shade of sandy blond hair which was obviously natural. the same facial features, the same build…..
the same build… thin
really thin
as in not an ounce of fat
the woman were perfect
flat tummies
a perfect size 2
sigh….
I couldn’t keep my eyes off them
I wanted that
why can’t I have that
as they were walking away I said to myself
“I’d give anything for that”

it’s hard to describe what happened next
it’s as if the very air stopped… it was…heavy
I almost heard a voice ..
does God speak audibly in this day and age, or am I just a bit crazy

What would you give

WHAT?

What do you have that you would trade for that

I sat for a couple of hours and thought about this…
this may sound easy for some, but it wasn’t for me… it was a real eye opener
I finally came to the point where I realized that there is nothing even close to being worthy of a trade… nothing I have and nothing I could ever have. For if I traded it away I would lose part of myself. All of the flaws, all of the hard times… even all the abuse as a child, has made me who I am today and had shown me who God is and just what He can do in a life that is given to Him

I think I’ll keep this body

I have recently come across a site that links me and several of the people from my past, and several very good friends of my parents both personally and business-wise. I know that because of my past mistakes my parents feel very vulnerable about the impact that I can have on them now. I’d like to think that I would never hurt them ever again. I’d like to think that no matter what I do now, I do with the grace of God. I’d like to think that I can live transparent and under the grace of God. That is what matters… I think. Please Lord, don’t let me embarrass or shame them ever again. Let me show the world your grace and your love through the actions of my life.

“You don’t know anything about my life.” I try to tell her that I don’t have to hear her words to tell me how she is living. I try to tell her that her actions speak louder then her words. “The times you get busted in a lie shatters my confidence in you.” It was my job to protect her. Needless to say I bombed on many occasions. I never thought that I would have to defend myself from my own daughter. I know how my parents felt. How ironic is this? It is only now that I have reached the backside of the rainbow that I see the benefits of this. I have two lies in my life. Me and The Maker and a couple of my closest friends know what they are. Other then them… I’m an open book. I don’t have to worry about what I say or to whom I say it to. It doesn’t matter if any of my friends talk to each other because they all have the same story to tell each other. I LOVE THIS! IT IS THE ONLY WAY TO LIVE! Have stress? Have fear? Live transparent and do away with it all!

“You don’t know anything about my life or what is going on!” I try to tell her that she doesn’t have to tell me everything. Her actions speak louder then her words. I can tell by her actions how she’s living.

You don’t have to worry about being found out…when you have nothing to hide! You don’t have to worry about Big Brother watching you…or having your property searched…or someone talking bad about you…You just always try to do your best and to be your best…you have nothing to be ashamed of or to run from….This is Freedom!

I’ve been trying to decide how best to convey my thoughts on this goal
Living Transparent isn’t exactly an easy thing for me. I’ve always been one to hide
only show what didn’t count… or what wasn’t real
most of what did show was a big lie in itself … a show I put on.
In the last few months that has started to change
Nine months ago I put down the “Give God All Of Me” goal
and since then, little by little He has been changing me as I have been learning to give Him more and more of my life
This last month I’ve been writing NaNo
It wasn’t something I wanted to do at first, but the more
I prayed about it, the more I felt it was what God wanted me to do
Writing that book took me through a journey into myself and my
relationship with God. Through reality and trust. It made me face a few thing I didn’t want to face, and except some thing that I never wanted to believe about myself…it gave me answers where I thought there were none
It showed me how God can use the ugly and the hard thing in life to teach use lesson we could never otherwise learn … and if we learn from those lesson instead
of letting them beat us then we can … if we are willing, help those around us

and the more we are willing to show our scars our hurt and even our failures
the more we can help other … because they have scars, hurt and failures too.

Living honestly & openly not only helps you lift burdens from your own life, it helps others learn from your mistakes or from your actions.