listen to my heart

Today my heart ached a little, for various reasons, but it was OK, I decided to let it, didn’t deny it. It reminded me of a few things. Of the grace, humility and humanity in fragility, and of my inner reserve of strength, which is deep and abiding.

I am grateful for my strong heart, however fragile it may sometimes be.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0dMBqtGtOU

My head and body…....my soul, and my heart WANTED this badly. I was supposed to go on a hiking trip, a small section of the A.T., starting tomorrow, with a small group of friends and acquaintances. I have been wanting to do it alllll summer long and hadn’t been able to committ to it because of my work schedule. I had thought my work was scheduled thru a certain time period, alas, the schedule was…...interupted…..so, voila, I had the opportunity to say to these folks “YES!!!!!! I’LL GO!!” and have been so excited. I NEEDED THIS. Then I got a call. For help. For this weekend. My selfish self wants, needs to get away. But that mountain and those trails will be there a bit longer. The good news is I have already done it once, about 15 years ago, and while I was looking forward to it again, well, other opportunity will arise to redo it. My heart says that helping out right now (as I said I would if the need arose) is the right thing to do. It’s about community, and support, and friendship. Everybody who can, and is willing and able has offered to be part of this chain of healing. It’s a no brainer, I’d hardly say no.

The mountain will wait for me. I’ll still be on “walkabout” metaphorically, and in my heart though!! LOL! I am going to buy a peodemeter TODAY!!! I do enough plain ol’ walking about to justify the expense. :~D

“The privilege of a lifetime is to be who you are.”
- Joseph Campbell

Follow your Bliss, he also said.
Wise man…..............

Today, my heart said: “My Dear, you need to take the day off, and sleep in…..”

So, I took a personal day today, called in to work and said I would not be coming in, then went back to bed. I was kept awake by noisy neighbors until nearly 5 a.m. this morning. Something that has been a frequent occurance all summer. Last night I called the police, and ended up yelling out my window…..to no avail, after the police left, and after I yelled, the partying resumed. These people simply do not care who they disturb or for how long. There are days I border on fatigue so extreme that thought patterns have trouble forming, my limbs ache, and nausea is a constant companion. I am not one who does well on too little sleep. It amazes me that I have kept up my work schedule of approximately 57 hours per week all summer in spite of it. And this is the only day I have taken off due to it, as previously I could not justify calling in because I was “tired”. Well, today I needed no such justification. My heart wanted to STAY HOME. And rest. So I listened to it. Because it’s often “wiser” than my head…............

Hand to my heart.
My red blooded, generous, loving, strong & warm heart.

i am staying in it with idou against all odds and according to my heart

I did it. I turned down the job. So I’m now joining the unemployment line from sept. 1st and I’m okay with it. I still panic at the thought every now and again but I keep returning to the thought of how right it feels to do this – to let go of this job and grab on to pursuing my true dreams.

I’m truly beginning to listen to my heart, give it a voice and follow it. I’m excited about the plethora of possibilities I will now be exploring and I have vowed to stay open and optimistic.

Whatever happens, happens for a reason – and whatever happens I will be okay.

I sorta know what I want. I mean, I have things that I’m very passionate about. Things that I’d spend all my time doing – if only I had the time. These things make me happier beyond anything – but it’s not easy to build a career in the particular fields.

So I sorta know what I want but everyone else thinks it’s too uncertain, too unwise to go for it. Everyone else thinks I’ll end up broke and unhappy.

And I’ve listened to everyone else for so long that I only sorta know what I want. I don’t know for certain.

I don’t know anymore what’s really in my heart, what I really and truly want to do with my life. I can’t hear my heart’s voice anymore – my own voice.

So my goal is to learn to listen to my heart so I can find out for certain what it is I want to do with my life. If I want to go for the secure and safe career – or if I truly believe that if I take the plunge I will land in a soft place…

It’s hard and I know there’s a great challenge coming up concerning this particular goal. I know that probably around august 1st I will be offered a particular job and it would be a safe choice to accept it – but the truth is I don’t really want the job but if I turn it down I will be without work and a steady income. But that would also be a great opportunity for me to spend some time trying to figure out what I really want and spend some time doing what I love every day all day.

I simply don’t know what to do. I’m so afraid of making a mistake, making the wrong choice. And all these thoughts in my head – I don’t know if they’re my own or everyone else’s…

I have to learn to listen to my heart.

i really hope that my heart hasn’t stopped talking to me. and i hope i can figure out which voice in that incessant internal dialog is the one to listen to.

Even when you screw yourself it always turns out to be worth listening to your heart in the end.