forgive my family

My parents are so psychologically abusive that they still contend that their actions were not traumatic or harmful… or flat-out didn’t happen. When I get upset or disagree, the contention is that I need to simply learn to “live and let live”. I feel like to forgive them now is to walk into more of their domination. They are dangerous; so guarded and so wrapped up in manipulation that they cannot, for more than a moment, expose even the possibility of a variation on their “truth”s.

It’s depressing, because I’ve tried so hard to speak to them, and open up, and explore how far back the abuse goes, and be patient, and give extra chances. But they only value themselves and their beliefs – anything that doesn’t mesh? They become angry, or, when they are in a “safe” environment, tell me “the truth”... things like how worthless I am. Nothing’s changed since I was a child. I’ve often said, “I would forgive them if they could just say aloud what it is that I am forgiving them for, and try to not do it again.”

For now I isolate myself and hope that before they die, they come to comprehend all the psychological scars they’ve thrust upon my siblings and myself. Perhaps when they are gone, I can come to terms with everything, and finally love and sympathize with them a little. But for now? I’m not strong enough to walk back into that lion’s den.

And still I feel like a terrible person for this; “why can’t you forgive?”.

I didn’t choose my family but have chosen to estrange myself from them instead. So much easier to choose my friends and to pretend they and their family are mine, but the pain really never does go away once I open my eyes.

My family may not be perfect, but neither am I. Everyone makes mistakes, and while some may be easier to forgive than others, holding on to a painful past is actually no worse than holding on to a wonderful past that is long gone too. There are probably just as many people living sad lives pining away for their happier times as there are people cursing their pasts for horrors long gone.

Try to see both sides of the story, work towards forgiveness if at all possible for emancipation and growth.

Ummmmm they don’t give you enough space to make a comment about this subject

I seem to have fallen into a pattern of not being able to completely forgive. I can only do this with my husband. Everyone else, even if I had something to do with the problem, I fix my part but end up feeling betrayed by the other person anyway, because of the way they handled the situation with me. I have been feeling like I have to work a lot for my relationships to be warm and healthy. I would like to feel like my family will be with me no matter what, but somehow it doesn’t feel that way. Actually it feels more like, if there’s a problem, we just don’t see eachother anymore. I’m really sad about this. I feel alone.

I am so frustrated. I don’t have one member of my family that I feel IS my family. We weren’t raised to help and support eachother, we were taught to enjoy if the other failed. I don’t understand it!!!!!!! How can they be like that. I hate it because I won’t be able to teach my children first hand what a family is supposed to be like. I want to teach my babies to be loyal and supportive of eachother throughout life. I want to be and ACT like a real mother until the day I die!

I was trying!! Really Trying…

Went to my nephew’s birthday to give him a gift I bought for him and to let him know I cared (uninvited by my brother and sis-inlaw), and did not feel welcome when I came in. They barely even said anything about my pregnancy.

I was about to leave when my sis-in law (a person I have no admiration for) started trying to tell me how she was sick and tired of having to take care of my mother, and how I should do this and do that+IN FRONT OF MY MOTHER!!. Of all people! I don’t even let my brothers butt into the relationship I have with my mother. GOD knows I have tried to put all the feelings of hurt aside to have somewhat of a real relationship with her. Not a Perfect Daughter relationship because she wasn’t a perfect mom. And it takes a lot of effort to be with her and try to take care of her. I do it when it is genuine. She and my brothers do it because they have to. I am not like that.

Well….we started arguing really bad for about 15 min. And I left. My brother just stood there, sharing her ideas. I am preety sure I will never go back to their place again. She is the most disgusting person I have met, and my brother is at fault for letting her do what she does. She has done disrespectful things for my son (a 1 and a half year old baby) and to my other nephews. It’s awful.

Although it did hurt, because I know now that I will not be able to have a relationship with my nephews, it felt great to tell her some of the things I told her. And it didn’t make my life any different. They had already been out of my life for some time. I don’t expect my brother to be my brother, and I don’t expect her to solve things with me. I really don’t think that I should have that type of people in my life. Even if they are MY FAMILY. They make me feel sick and bad when I see them.

All I want is peace of mind. And I will never get it as long as I am trying to do the right thing and get nothing in return. I have sent my brother letters, I have visited him on his birthday, Gave them all gifts for Christmas! I have done many many things without an answer, without anything in return. They are bad people. And I hate feeling judged for something that I know has been something that I have been working on for a while. * THEM!

I think there’s a lot of things I’m angry at my parents for but I want to be able to move on.

Yesterday I went to have lunch at one of my brother’s because my uncle and aunt were visiting. I realized that I am so tired of being mad and disappointed. It’s time I have some emotional peace in this area. I just want to be able to take my son to play with his cousins and not feel like i’m doing something wrong or disappointing myself for doing it. After all, that is what family is all about: FORGIVENESS. We don’t pick family, we pick our friends. Family is like marriage, you have to work hard at it to make it work.

I don’t know what to do with my mother!! She is just constantly disappointing me. I went on a three day trip and left my little one with my mother in law (because I think he is safer with her), and she didn’t even call to see if he was Ok. HE Wasn’t! He was really sick. My life is just so simple when I don’t see her or expect anything from her. But, SHE IS MY MOTHER. Aren’t mother’s supposed to be there for their kids and grandkids? Worse thing is, I just feel guilty if I don’t call her, or don’t include her in my life. It’s so hard to deal with this.

do you think that it is possible to for give people that have hurt you and let you down i try to cover up the pain i feel that they have help make me feel but will i ever really be able to forgive them or will that pain stay with me forever…...