learn coping strategies for Highly Sensitive People (HSP)

The following goals of mine would be coping strategies:

-practice qi gong
-develop my spirituality
-list 100 of my favorite smells

Other things:

-sunlight
-walking
-do breathing exercises or meditate
-making sure I have enough time to properly do what I need to do for my morning routine to ready myself for the day and making sure I do what I need to do for my bedtime routine to wind down for sleep

Whether it’s discomfort in social situations to panic at being stuck in the middle of a crowd with no way out, according to the HSP stuff I’ve been reading I’ve noticed that my “shyness” or social anxiety is more stimulation-based. It gets worse the more isolated I am and it gets better the more I am out in public places or social situations. Also see: Is being called shy a positive thing?

Relief in or from social situations:

-Quiet. In loud busy places I often have to ask others to repeat themselves, because the background noise and the immediate noise of their voice blend into one the first time I hear it.

-one to two people

-frequent bathroom breaks where I lock myself in a stall and take deep breaths-no matter how much people have teased me for this

-upon coming home being in my room by myself for an hour

-not going anywhere the next day, or doing little as possible

-small rooms, or even a large room sectioned off into smaller areas

-being familiar with my surroundings and having been there before, unless I am with someone I know

-taking the virtual tour on a website

-slowly walking around

-a longer introduction, taking note of colors, lights, people, etc. Others have thought that I was a writer doing a critique of an establishment, which I’d be really good at, but am not.

-being familiar with people in my surroundings

-understanding that I don’t mingle; I’m likely to stand in one spot

-introducing me to people

-despite questionable good intentions not teasing me about being “shy” or quiet; it won’t make me suddenly talkative and I will be resentful at the attention it will draw

-have you ever noticed how often and commonplace it is to interrupt people who are talking? Others have called it “conversation survival” I call it distracting.

-being asked what I think and including me into the conversation. If a genuine attempt is made to make me feel welcome, feeling singled out will be easier to deal with

What helps me in crowds:

-If I’m not at my breaking point I’ve remembered to breath and tell myself that it’ll let up soon especially if I know how long an event with crowded situations will be

-Knowing to never look down or at the person’s head in front of me. Looking down a row of people helps, or since I’m tall sometimes I can see above heads.

-If there are no rows or any spacing at all looking up at hopefully a high ceiling or a sky (outside is better) helps, but to do so slowly or I’ll get dizzy.

-Any movement helps-even if it ends up being sideways.

-To go and stand against a wall, a ledge, a car, a sign or a sign post etc.

-If at all possible, leaving the crowd to go sit down somewhere even if it’s just the side of the crowd on the sidewalk and to get a drink of water

-Sometimes I want a person’s contact and sometimes I don’t. No situation seems to be the same. However if I do then standing against an understanding friend’s back for a couple of minutes helps or if their okay with me holding their hand.

-When grocery shopping in a more populated aisle than I’m used to where you have to actually wait and finagle your way through as if in traffic on the road I’ve found it helpful to just simply avoid Cost-co, Sam’s Club and Wal-mart like the plague at all costs-even if it makes it more expensive in other places. From working at a grocery store I’ve remembered to avoid shopping the last Friday in the month, Fridays in general, between 5pm-7pm and early in the day on the weekends.

-When walking in downtown Denver or driving on the highways down there I realized that my agitation stems from people being too close to me. I totally get why they say people from up here have the worst road rage. Not that I do or anything. Planning is helpful-know where you’re going and how to get there. When walking around down there I have to kind of shift my perspective and look around less-more straight ahead and more fast.

This goal title sounds much more positive than the previous title I had been hoping to sum up what I wanted to gain. As a “Core-Issue HSP” I feel that how I am gives such an unclear definition to my family and friends. I may give being an HSP a bad name and tend to perhaps exhibit some of the stereotype. I have gotten the very infrequent and unique instance where someone believes “my deal” is entirely PTSD-related. While this is true I have to remind myself and attempt to explain that the HSP temperament is a pre-existent condition that can be made better or worse by events in nature. Along with the post-traumatic stress suggestion I have also been given a heads up that I may exhibit some signs of borderline personality disorder mostly-low functioning, but some high functioning. I found this article to be helpful: What is the Relationship Between Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and High Sensitivity?

I know this isn’t a curse. I know I even like being an HSP. I just…need to find it. I was gifted “The Highly Sensitive Person in Love” for x-mas and had my boyfriend take the hsp and high sensation seeker test. He scored high on both and having him here as an hsp who can see it more positively has encouraged me to feel less alone. I have heard about groups of hsps who get together for support and I have heard about the retreats. Someday I hope to have enough money to participate in both.

At the beginning there during that process of integration I had been so concerned with the validation of being a highly sensitive person that I just wanted to shout about it because it has been something for so long unknown but ever so present. I certainly experienced a lot of frustration when explaining it. I don’t have as much of a need to anymore, but I do have favorites. Turning the usual statistic: “15-20 percent of the population” to seeing that is 45-50 million people in the U.S. alone and an article Elaine Aron wrote: What To Say To The Professionals Who Doubt The Whole Idea Of High Sensitivity

These two books in particular are conducive to this goal:

The Highly Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide: Essential Skills for Living Well in an Overstimulating World (Step-By-Step Guides) by Ted Zeff

Highly Sensitive Person’s Companion: Daily Exercises for Calming Your Senses in an Overstimulating World by Ted Zeff

I also have the HSP workbook, but I need breaks from being overwhelmed when something is especially true for me or just simply when my mind needs a break to ingest something. As I learn more about what overwhelms me I want to appreciate myself more, feel less self frustration, feel less societal shame around the notion of “sensitivity” and really understand my hsp strengths. I want trust when I think someone is being passive-aggressive and deflecting their responsibility for themselves by saying that I’m “too sensitive” I want to stand up for myself as an hsp-with that appreciation, but never excessive pride. I want to be an hsp advocate and reach out more.

List all the beliefs that you suspect are untrue for you or that may be making your daily life more difficult. Which false beliefs have you internalized that you wish to discard? Make a list of new beliefs that you would like to internalize.
(from The Highly Sensitive Person’s Companion by Ted Zeff, Ph.D.)

Yesterday I was thinking about how much the neighbors making noises bothered me and why it bothered me so much…so I started searching for books on Amazon.com. I found “The Highly Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide, Essential Skills for Living Well in a Overstimulating World” by Ted Zeff, PH.D. I ran to the bookstore and bought it last night. Guess what the first paragraph of the Preface is?! “I wish those neighbors would turn down their music. It’s driving me crazy. I can’t stand it anymore.” This book is so me!

What is a HSP?
Approximately 15 to 20 percent of the population have trouble screening out stimuli and can be easily overwhelmed by noise, crowds, and time pressure. The HSPs tends to be very sensitive to pain, the effects of caffeine, and violent movies. HSP are also made extremely uncomfortable by bright lights, strong smells, and changes in their lives. HSPs are adversely affected by our fast-paced and aggressive modern industrialized society. You can easily become exhausted, perpetually overstimulated by everything from the proliferation of violence in the media to the cacophony of loud urban noises. Since HSPs are a minority of the population, you may internalize the mores of our non-HSP society. Unfortunately, when you try to fit into an overstimluating, out-of-balance world, your physical, emotional and spiritual health suffers.
~from The Highly Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide

That sure does explain alot for me. I think that’s why I have Myofascial Pain Syndrome and why I’m so sensitive to certain sounds/noises. It all has to do with my nervous system.

I must read this book and fast!!