I always think too much about the past, about the people that hurt me, rather than those here for me, about the way I used to be rather than the way I CAN be. I want to stop hating myself for things I have or have not done, and to start planning and changing myself for the future! 2 days ago
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This is a big goal. How to achieve it? I will break it down into smaller parts… 1.Understand 2. Make it more specific 3. Make smaller goals
1. I want to let go of the past because I hurt myself with staying in the past. Then I am not brave to move on. I have already forgiven myself and others which intentionally and unintentionally have hurt me in the past. I also understand that I can not reproduce nice experiences and lucky moments. The past is not real, it is only a memory and therefor a construction of my brain. This means I need to learn to use my brain in a different way. 2. Let go of the past means to stay in the NOW. When I realize that I am thinking again of the past, then I should “switch” my brain and focus on the present moment. 3. I will try to focus on my senses, what do I taste, what do I smell, touch, hear and see? Then I want to try to think about what I could do today to make myself happy. 1 month ago
I have been chanting and practising nichiren Buddhism. I was chanting and chanting and I realised I shifted the fundamental layers somehow and I was no longer so upset when I thought about my friend and I breaking our friendship of eight years. Suddenly all the regret and suffering just went. I can’t even explain it but I no longer cry when I think about her or spiral into a depression, I just send her my love and laughter for what we shared. 1 month ago
How I did it: 2013 was a weird year. In a way it was completely awful, I went through some major dramas and a lot of heartbreak. I had been trying to accept things as they were for over a year and a half, some things even 2 or more years, but I never seemed to manage it. In a way I enjoyed the wallowing. I helped me to keep the memories, but I wasn't really happy.
One day I just woke up and I didn't want to be sad anymore, I didn't want to cry about it anymore, so I dusted off that little box at the bottom of my heart and decided to let it go. Now don't think it was easy. Once I knew I was ready to let go of the anger, the sadness washed all over me. At that point I just let myself be sad for some time, because I found grieving the relationships essential.
After a while the hurt started to fade away. I could listen to certain songs without wallowing in self-pity. I didn't think about the past on a daily-basis and finally I started to feel like me again.
I can't tell you exactly how I did it, but on a beautiful cold night I finally felt like the past didn't own me anymore. I felt that those negative experiences have made me stronger and wiser. I know that I'll have the days, where I'll miss some parts of my past and I know that it might give me a little itch, but I guess some scars never truly go away. And why should they? They make me who I am and I don't mind a little scratch as long as I'm in control of it.