Let go of the past

What is required for effective change is continuity of sincere effort to release and let go of inefficient thought patterns from the past.

Hit me with a shovel, because I can’t believe I dug you. – Skid Row

I don’t know where life’s going, but soon it will be gone. I hope the wind that’s blowing helps me carry on. Turn on the radio, baby listen to my song. Turn on the night light baby, I’m gone

everytime i remember, i try to distract myself to forget thoughts about people who passed in my life. :)

How much one’s clothes reflect the person you are and the history of the clothes too…

You see an outfit and immediately the thought comes of where it came from ie the shop… the memory of the day you got it… also where you wore it and what happened on that occasion too…

OMG I NEVER thought to associate my life with the clothes in the wardrobe.

I’m not letting go the past although I’ve moved on.

Today I started with sorting thru clothes n papers.

i really want to let go of the past… ive felt like the past year and a half ive been in a limbo… and i realised that escaping and entertaining myself with ideas of the future is what has kept me in this limbo for all this time…i havent really progressed
what happened was that i was really in love with my last relationship.. which then fell to pieces…
i left him to come visit my family for a few months..my sister had gone to jail and was coming out so i wanted to see her.. which turned into a year and a half now… thinking in simple terms.. thats probably y i feel it so hard to let go mentally… because my intention was always to go back to be with him…
in the end ..while visiting my family.. it all fell apart.. i broke up with him bcuz i was insecure and felt i had to bcuz he lied and he cheated on me…and i was hurt and angry by how he treated me. all we had was bad communication and mistrust of eachother ..in between a strong sense that i loved him.. and i know he missed me too..in between the fights…well.. we reached a breaking point with a lack of respect and honesty… but he was the closest friend i had… i put all my thoughts into seeing him again and waiting that day to fix everything…. i know it was silly .. but thats what you do when you are so infatuated and your life becomes a mess.. you just want a way out.. it happened that my dad gained a drug problem while i had been living away.. we discoverd it when he left my house totally unexpectedley … disapeared abroad to be with another family… i was devastated emotionaly.. he basicaly cheated and left my mum..and forgot about his kids to be with someone else.. i never in a million years would have thought this to happen. i think all this time has helped me to come to an acceptance of the past events. but i am not who i used to be… i lost myself and my sense of all i knew… to be completley honest, it was a big shock. all this happened at the same time we lost our house to the bank. so i stayed here with my mom and my brother to help her move house and basically be her support…i had to.. but it was awful time too for me… my bf stopped contact with me.. and i felt totaly dependant on him.. probably making things worse because i was in such a bad state,... anyways… despite all the problems we went through i wanted to see him again… he ended up leaving to his home country… now hes there.. after so much time…i need to let it go ..
at the time i left.. we were having fights..and problems.. we had got back together recently ..but i was totaly insecure, i thot he had been unfaithful.. he was insecure too.. and he was illegal in the country where we were living…
.. without being able to actally do anything about acheiving that dream and my ideas… im writign this now because ive realised that i believed i let go of the past.. but i just let go temporarily.. still thinking about the future has made me realised i am daydreaming too much.. it fills my head everyday about what to do about my last relationship .. and my life… i want to believe i need closure..but i gues a bit of my heart never wanted closure.. so its hard..

I would like to do this. Only recently I have come to the realization that I have not let go of anything. I just repressed everything through the years. I hope through personal reflection and therapy I will be able to learn to live my life. :-)

If I was not the type of person that dwelled on things then so many things would be ok in my life right now.

6 weeks ago, my boyfriend who I thought I was destined to spend the rest of my life with, decided to end our relationship. He said he never wanted to get married, never wanted to have children, and making the most of his career was his top priority. He did not want to be emotionally responsible for anyone else and he was meant to be alone in life.

After I picked myself off the floor of my existing life, I moved out of his house, that we had shared for a year, took my dog and moved back in with my parents. At 30, that is a hard pill to swallow.

The most difficult part of this relationship ending was that I did not see it coming. Although I could feel something changing, he always deflected it and told me it wasn’t me. The shock of it ending is as hard to deal with as the loss of our love.

About 2 weeks ago, I started to let go. I hit rock bottom and saw things in a new and different light. I have not let go of it completely- or of him- or the idea of what I thought my future was going to look like.

I am determined to use this time to find out who I really am- what I really want- and how to be happy with myself, no matter what life brings my way. Every experience is a life lesson, sometimes it just takes a while to learn… here’s to the changes in life that I create for myself.