Live with a compassionate heart

I read in a book that the best way to tell how far we’ve evolved spiritually is to spend a week alone with our parents. And I’ll be doing just that for 10 days when my mother and I travel to Honolulu and Tokyo.

I’m very excited about the travelling part, and pensive about the 10 days alone, in close quarters with my mother. I’m at the point where I accept my parents as they are and the past as it was. The hesitation comes from the possibility that the old dramas might come up. Though, that’s just idle worrying and has nothing to do with reality. I’m not sure how this is going to play out. The best thing and the only thing that I can do is to stay in the moment and accept everything as it is.

I’m nervous.

“How is one to live a moral and compassionate existence when one is fully aware of the blood, the horror inherent in life, when one finds darkness not only in one’s culture but within oneself? If there is a stage at which an individual life becomes truly adult, it must be when one grasps the irony in its unfolding and accepts responsibility for a life lived in the midst of such paradox. One must live in the middle of contradiction, because if all contradiction were eliminated at once life would collapse. There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions. You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light.”

By Barry Lopez.

Some personal thoughts:

I Face that every day, as the quote says, how to be compassionate, when it seems the whole world conspires to make you be otherwise.

My advice:
Live out. Don’t try to answer the question. Live on. If you find yourself failing, be bold, lean on the light, put distance between you and whatever tries to pull you back into the never-ending cycle of wrongdoing others…Live with a compassionate heart, surround yourself by likewise people!

What is the heart?
It is not human, and it is not imaginary.
I call it you.

Rumi

I’ve stopped the internal fighting. No more raging at the negative voices to get out of my head. My guns are down, a truce is marked with a flowing magenta flag. The flag’s not white because there’s no defeat here, only growth.

Suddenly, out of nowhere I decided to gently ask my negative, criticizing voices: Why are you here? They’ve never been spoken to before, not kindly at least. When I ask this way, they tell me that it’s because I invited them, that they keep me in my comfort zone by reminding me of what I’ve learned from the past. The kinder I am with them, the less they intrude on my days, and when they must, they stand at a respectful distance. Gentleness is stronger than anger.

With this success, I’ve started asking my fears the same question. My fear of money, success, relationships all had interesting, and very unexpected answers for me. I’m still sorting through these revelations. There’s so much more.

I feel like I’m standing at the edge of my ocean and my toes are wet.

My first step in this goal is to be compassionate with myself. This I’ve learned: everything begins within. I’m starting now.