Be brave enough to learn about love and put myself out there authentically both emotionally and physically

Is over! It turned out that he was still the immature jerk that he was 10 years ago. They say a leapord will never change his spots. The positive to this is after given him a chance he revealed himself, that old friendship did not last longer than a month. But I did meet someone new and he gives me butterflies. I almost feel like a teenager again! He makes me feel so good that it is scary and I am trying to let my guards down and be open about this new relationship. I know that I deserve to be loved, caressed, held and this list could go on allday. I giving it a try anyway but I feel that this relationship/friendship is moing way too fast or maybe I’m just use to dealing with jerks.

you can call me a hopeless romantic. I have been talking to an ex from years ago. I have always loved him (i’m not inlove), cared about what type of future he had, the decisions he made and how they would effect him. Basically, I always wished him the best. Since I had not had sex in over a year and I feel comfortable with him- i gave him-ME! The dreamy part of me feels that okay I back in the presence of my soul mate.(although there a few things that I would change about him, Im pretty sure he would say the same about me. Let your guards down and allow yourself to be loved. The realistic side of me says, okay this was just sex and wants to thank him from freeing me because now I have a little more self confidence and I a no longer feel tied to my hubby. Says I really dont know how you feel about me-so forget about!

But he refuses to divorce me. It’s okay. I decide to start making new friends after living by myself for 3 months and there are two guys that I like. I really like one more than the other and I don’t know if this is a bad thing, but i realized that I don’t have a problem expressing myself. In the past I had a problem sharing my feelings for fear of getting hurt. Now I feel like getting out and showing people who I am (what i like, don’t like, what makes me tick and etc).

That god has someone who can love me the way I deserve to be love and who is a provider. I have just have to build my self esteem and I will be ready!

there come a hope for better things i visited a friend i hadn’t seen in 5 years and was told i had come a long way in terms of confidence she observed my interactions and said that i had improved although i didn’t handle everything the way i wanted to i can definately say i improved alot in respect to making connections.

i see now that my aim to to remain authentic and to remain unafraid. with consideration to the other party i need to focus on what I want and desire. false pretences are pointless. but consistency is important.

live and learn right? hoping for a love filled 2008 for everyone

I think many people are afraid of love. For reasons mainly like self belief that they are unworthy physically or emotionally or intellectually. I believe I was afraid of letting someone love me then know me and leave me. I was afraid i would not be good enough that once they discovered i was damaged they would leave. I felt physically that i had nothing to offer if not for the physical exchange of love what is the difference between friends and lovers? I pushed away alot of people. i was contradictory on purpose. i denied my self physical gratification because i felt it was dirty cheap common and i accept now that i was wrong. There is no regret for the past ocassionally speculation but no regrets they were my actions and choices i accept them and i am responsible for them. The past it the past and i leave it behind me with a request for forgiveness for those whom i hurt and do not know my story.
Today i choose to be stronger though i am afraid. i choose to work on my issues and leave them behind. I choose to reach a stage where i am comfortable to achieve this goal.

Fundamentally Because i believe in love in all its forms and i wish to know it better. Because love is something i will not deny myself anymore. Because i deserve to be loved. Because I am strong enough to love.