graciously accept help when it is offered

With the total disaster that the bleo-lung pneumonitis has turned into, I’ve had to accept help all over the place. From my father, even when he was misguided and didn’t handle it well. From my grandmother, who basically accepted me as a roommate a month ago, to continue indefinitely. From my sister, who gives things up to spend time with me, then acts miffed about it, but probably isn’t really. And even more from Mom, who does everything from lift my oxygen tank in and out of the car to drive me two hours one way to doctor’s appointments and back just so I can be in a less stressful home. And of course, since I’m not home at all, I’ve left all the house responsibilities to Donald, and he’s doing surprisingly well keeping it up.

One thing’s for sure: cancer is a lesson on what truly matters on so damn many levels. I really get the point, okay? I do! When it rains, kids, it pours.

I’m especially using this goal to help my Mom cope with the final few chemo treatments. She wants to do everything for me these days, and I feel like letting her, mostly, even if it actually slightly inconveniences me instead of the other way around. I let her drive me to and from group the other day, and even though it made me late, I was glad we did it that way.

I’m getting a little bit muddled on this one, and getting tripped up by feelings of personal guilt and feelings of “letting someone down” when I don’t take them up on help offered. If it isn’t something I need, I don’t HAVE to accept the help. If it would be more bother than help, I don’t have to accept it!

I do feel that I am taking full advantage of certain friends. I’m not the most reliable these days, and I have cancelled plenty of plans. I’ve also called in a number of favors. My friends have more than risen to the task. Being a Taker isn’t easy for me, but seeing my friends glad to help makes me feel less guilt.

My father offered to cook for me, and I took him up on it. My mother may be a better cook, but it’s my dad’s specialties that feel like comfort food to me. I’ve just always liked them better.

Where I’m really proud of myself is that a friend offered to clean the house for me, to get rid of all the germs lurking in kitchen, bathrooms, and dust and dirt on the furniture and carpet. I was horrified at the idea of him knowing how messy Donald and I are, and how bad I’ve let the house get, since I just don’t have any energy any more. Even though I really wanted to say no, I graciously accepted his offer. We can’t afford to pay a stranger to clean it, and why wouldn’t I let him feel like he’s helping me? He himself said that this was about all he had to offer. When he said that, I told him that if everyone does the one thing he/she can do, I’ll have everything covered. I am feeling like that’s very true. I am so glad I made that decision, and I hope it’ll make future similar ones easier.