figure out where home is

Chicago feels like home
New York cause its my favorite place in the world but I haven’t been everywhere in the world
London cause my best friends and a ton of folks I love live there

I’d say home is where ever most of my closest friends are

“home is where your heart is”

its probably one of the cheesiest, most cliche lines ever. but its true. i’ve always believed that your home is with the people/person/thing you love.

i think the biggest mistake people make, when it comes to this topic, is thinking that home is a place. home doesnt involve a location.

“home is not where you rest your head at night, home is where your love can rest”

ive, in a sense, lost my family, my friends, the only one who seemed worth loving. ive lost everything. i dont really have hope for finding what home is to me any more.

maybe one day i can find home on my own, for now at very least, ive lost hope that home exists for me.

Maybe it’s where ever the hell I want it to be.
I’m not sure yet.

as much as I try and try to figure this out, I am torn. My home has always been where my family is, but I love where I am, yet I miss the comfort of home

that Olympia, WA is home. Been here since 2005 and can’t see myself ever leaving!

After 26 years of travelling it dawned on me that home is not a place you find, but a place you make.

I spent some time travelling, and being unrooted and open-ended and that was great…I’m so glad I did it…and then it was time to come home and grow roots. I still love to travel, but it feels really good to have a home to return to.

[I posted this in a conversation with a previous incarnation of Cherade. (hi, honey!) It’s not at all my usual style of writing and it surprised me. At the time, I thought it might have been written for her. Perhaps it was, but right now it speaks to me.]

Your job on this planet is to steer the sturdy vessel of your choices through challenging or calm waters and ever toward a life that is beautiful enough to deserve you. You are not required to sail alone but always must steer toward that for which your soul yearns. Someone else’s safe harbor might shipwreck you. “Come home,” they’ll cry, “It is beautiful here; peaceful. Come rest awhile.” They mean no harm; their ship’s design is different than yours. Those sharp rocks are to them soft as clouds.

Be brave enough to follow uncharted currents; what monsters you meet are your teachers. Do not fear drifting far from shore; even as you search the horizon, a new truer sun is born inside you. Stop to visit any true paradise you encounter; much can be learned from those who are at home on this earth. Have you learned yet how to tell a false from true paradise? Look to the eyes and the smiles of the inhabitants. Look for the subtle strain etched into a face by shallow cheer, the deep relaxation of true joy. You may find your paradise before you have gained the skills you need to thrive there. Sail on. Nothing is lost to those who stay their soul’s student.

Most importantly, do not allow anyone else to control your vessel. They cannot find your home, as you cannot find theirs. Do not allow your deck to become cluttered with those who refuse to sail their own lives. The sinking of your overladen ship serves no one. If your vessel becomes unseaworthy through neglect or storms, accept rescue but rebuild, always rebuild. No sea is entirely unpopulated, though some choose not to recognize those with whom they share the water. With great luck and heart, you may find one person to sail beside. Treasure the fellow sailors who cheer you on when you tire and long for any island at any cost. Teach your children well and launch them without slipping your burdens onto those clean decks. They will seem unacceptably fragile. They are not, unless you weaken them with your doubts.

One day you will know what makes the moon smile as you pass and the waves laugh so hard that they shake your heart. It is this: the home that you seek is not on solid ground. Home is the sailing.

I know it sure isn’t here. Wasn’t at my last house either. I’m pretty sure once I get away from parents, anywhere will be better than here. I can’t wait to get my own apartment, and then my own house. Maybe with a certain someone :)

I don’t know whether home is where I was brought up, or where I want to be. Or somewhere I’ve not been to yet?