Pay more attention to my appearance

So many of my goals have been neglected but this one has started to become a little more second nature to me. I’m not where I want to be but I’m paying more attention to how I look whereas I use to not care at all.

As part of this, and of taking care of myself generally, I had an appointment with a dermatologist. I was very disappointed with the consultation – after paying a fortune to go private I felt I was kept waiting ages, got poor information from a nurse, a quick look-see by the dermatologist herself and a leaflet to take away. I expected more. However it did confirm my suspicion that I have rosacea. I’ve been prescribed meds to deal with it so we’ll see if they help.

I might be looking for a new dermatologist in the meantime though!

I’ve started “bothering” more with putting on a bit of light make up and throwing on a bit of jewellery. The difference is that it makes me feel better for paying myself that bit of attention.

A good while back I bought a load of nice lingerie and rather than just leave it in my drawer I’ve started wearing it regularly. I don’t know what I was saving it for! Still in the jeans and teeshirts but at least I’m dressed up underneath!

I’m happy with my hair – I’ve been wearing it down for a change. My skin is in fairly good condition but I’ve been wearing a tiny bit of make up whenever I’m out and about and I think I do feel better for it.

I didn’t go out today so I didn’t put on make up today but I’ve done it a couple of times this week, and worn a bit of jewellery.

I need to get my wardrobe sorted – I’ve always dressed for practicality and comfort which means jeans and casual tops and flat shoes but I’m going to have a think about developing my style away from the tomboyish look. Being overweight is a big reason why I’ve neglected this area. I’ve always told myself that I’ll buy nice clothes when I lose the weight but I think it’s worth trying to look as nice as I can in the here and now (cos losing weight is going to take a long time the way I’m going!) It can be hard to find nice clothes that flatter but I’m at least going to think about what would look good and keep my eyes open for nice things rather than just buy things without thinking.

Yesterday I put on make up before I went into town. Normally I wouldn’t bother but I had time to spare so thought I might as well do it. It made me feel more confident. I took the time to cleanse my face properly before I went to bed.

And today I decided to put on a nice shell pendant even though I wasn’t going out.

because I’ve always reacted against the image I feel women are supposed to live up to. I’m not the least vain woman I know but I must be near the top! I know that I can look nice when I’m “done up” but I always felt it was more honest somehow to display myself in my raw state.

That said, I am definitely not averse to a bit of girly stuff like clothes, make-up and jewellery but I’ve just never been into it too much.

I’ve thought about it a lot, and I’ve realised that I feel that good looks are not my strength – I was always the clever one or the nice one. And so I put my energies into developing those parts of me rather than my looks. I know I’ll never be gorgeous but it’s no reason to neglect this bit of me completely.

So this seems like a good goal for me.

A free moment is very rare in my hectic lifestyle. Because of that, I’ve allowed myself to become a little lackadaisical when it comes to the way I look. Bumming it in some sneakers, jeans and a plain tee is so much easier than putting forth the effort to find something nice. And don’t even get me started on my hair…
However, it’s a new year, I’m determined to enter a new mind frame and it all starts now…

You know it’s true that the way that I dress reflects the way that I feel. When I come to work in my sweats, I really do feel like a slob. Now I make the effort that if I’m leaving the house, I’ll get dress in “going out” clothes. The second I get home, they come off and I slob around in my house sweats, or my comfy wool dress with a Tshirt. I won’t wear a Tshirt outside of the house, I live in blouses most of the time. The only exception to that is my company logo Tshirt, I’ll wear that to work because it makes me smile :P

Been taking care of my feet with the scrubby metal thing. I do have some room in my budget that’s been promised to my “Me Myself I” fund. Perhaps instead of hoarding it, I should go and splurge on a pedicure. There was this little place down the street from work that I enjoyed going to last time. It was the first time I had nail polish on my toenails. It was PURPLE! I felt so frilly and girly about it for a long time. But that was in the summer. Still, I can take the time to do something that will make me smile. So a pedicure to make Jess smile. Consider it a date!

EDIT: To make sure that I actually do this, I picked up my agenda, booked a date, the Saturday the 31st of January. It’s right after my birthday on the 29th and right before a party I’ll be going to that evening. Great timing.

Also, sent off an email to my GF to see if she wanted to make it a girly date, complete with shoe ogling at this kick ass shoe store.

When my foster mom passed away last January, I promised myself three things and haven’t done so well about staying true to these promises.

I said:

1) I’m going to take better care of my hair and appearence in general.

And I desperately need a hair cut and to dye my hair. It’s really not ALL that expensive at a cheaper salon, it’s just a question of valueing myself enough to take the money and time to do this.

2) I’m going to stop begging for scraps of attention from people who honestly don’t care about me, life’s too short, I’m going to spend it with people who care about me.

And again, I failed at this goal.

-I still spend time BEGGING my father to spend time with me,

-I still spend time hounding this certain friend to spend time with me, when it’s obvious by her actions that she doesn’t care.

-Then there’s chasing people on MSN who aren’t the hard core addict that I am. So they pop on and I leap out and say hi to them, only to have them brush me off. I’m trying to learn to get better about this, I’ll wait a few minutes ;)

3) And finally I said that I wanted to run my own seder, but it will be a few years before I’m in the position to be able to do this, but I promised myself that I would do this. So that I can set my own traditions, finish the service, read the service properly, have my own songs and etc…

The main thing I am trying not to do is become vain. I don’t want to be one of those self-obsessed people.

My main focus is my face. I am trying to get myself into the habit of takin care of it. Every morning I needs to scrub my face using that face scrubbin stuff with the beads in it from St. Ives and I need to wash it at night as well. Right now the most I do to it is run a rag across it quickly in the shower.