live my yoga, not just "do" yoga

I have been going through some med changes which I didnt think would affect me this badly. The biggest is that getting up at 5am is now a distant memory. I cannot for the life of me do it anymore. I told my doctor and we keep cutting back, I am now down to a quarter of a pill. If I dont take this pill I cant sleep, at all, and if I take it, its like I am wearing cement shoes and cant get out of bed. Next appointment is in August, we will see what happens. Since I started running, I dont have time to do yoga AND run at night.
I asked my boss if I could work 10-6 one or two days a week and she said yes. Maybe that will help me out.

P got me black agate mala beads to so I can meditate with them. Here’s me, 6 years into buddhism and i have no idea what mala beads are. Awesome. This is exactly why we need a temple here. Books just arent cutting it. So, I got my beads, the 108, which are so beautiful. I found my mantra and Im ready to go. I have to chant and pray with them for 40 days to hold the essence of my soul. I told P Im just starting and 108 times for 40 days is a big step.
Lets see what I can do.

Over the weekend at the strawberry social I was a chair person for, my graceful side kicked in and I fell, knocking the back of my head. I have a bump the size of a lemon and it still hurts, plus, I still feel like my brain just stopped shaking if that makes sense. So today as I tried to do yoga and Rodney has me doing downward dog and forward bend, I finally sat down in childs pose, turned off the dvd and told Rodney to F off. Thats not living yoga.
Sorry Rodney Yee. Once my brain settles again, I should be good.

it was hard today. Everytime I tried to meditate and focus on my breathing and do my yoga, annoying things kept popping in my head. Then I would tell myself that I would deal with that later and next thing I knew, Rodney was 2 poses ahead of me. I had to rewind the dvd back a few screens. I guess there will be days like that for all of us though. I have been told that is how you know you are doing meditation correctly. When all of your thoughts whirl around like a tornado, but you can separate them and bring yourself back to focus. You meditate to help clear your mind. So, sometimes, its like cleaning your attic. Its going to be very ugly before its nice and clean, but you may find some nice stuff you forgot about.

I just ordered 2 dvds from Amazon. Rodney Yee beginner yoga and am yoga. 5 yoga programs to choose from so Im not doing the same thing every day. Should be here beginning of next week. I REALLY like Rodney Yee. His voice is soothing and he doesnt go so fast I cant keep up. Also, he explains everything so well that I can keep my eyes closed if I want or keep my head in line with my body instead of looking at the screen. He explains his positions and movements that well.
Im very excited. I realized yoga in a studio just isnt for me. I still have anxiety with a lot of other people around. One girl said she has been in the beginner class for 3 years. The other was just about as good as the instructor. She just couldnt fit any other one but the beginner in her schedule. I just felt so out of place. So, for now, its me and Rodney. To be honest, Im quite happy about that.

I know its only been a week, but if you knew me, I usually get frustrated that I am not the world champion of yoga poses and quit. I like it. A lot. Though, I did hurt myself today. It was pretty bad, but I guess more embarrassing than anything.
Since I was a kid and watched gymnastics on tv, I have always wanted to be able to do this pose. In my mind it is my own personal goal. Along with the fact that I already feel more centered and happy. Hopefully, I can make this an everyday part of my life and someday fulfill a childhood wish.

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