be happy for once.

i just want to be happy for once if i find someone i want him to love my not to take me for a ride i am sick of it

I’ve done this. In fact, I’ve done this dozens of times nearly everyday. If you don’t get happy at least 5 times per day, I say you’re missing something in life. And I think it should be obvious what that thing is. Happiness!

I’ve finally found someone who makes me truely happy.. therefore im actually happy for once in my life.

It’s amazing after a long time of not being happy to just finally feel what you’ve been waiting for for a long time. It’s really great to feel happy – finally.

Everyday I wake up wondering why im still alive
Or crying at night because I just wont die…
I hate living.. I hide behind a mask everyday
Pretending Im happy and acting like it
But when really I just wanna drop down
and cry wanting to give up my life
I actually wouldnt even call this living…
I know alot of people have it bad…
But I am one of the people that cant handle it
I would love for once to be happy…
Maybe just for a day…
I was happy once… When I met this Guy
He meant the world to me… Ever since I was
basically born Ive always hated living…
Ive had a tough ish life.. and at the age of 7 I
tryed to kill myself.. Yeah not so good
Anyways I met this guy… and I felt so happy
I lived with him and this gurl named Tara
for about 3 months… She was like the mother I
never had.. And I was inlove with this boy…
We partyed about every night… and Had a blast
I was extremly happy… and I thought
for maybe once in my life
My life would end up getting better…
Well I was just about to leave to BC.. in canada.
(i was in Alberta for the summer)
Anyways and 3 days before I was to leave
The guy told me he loved me and
I was so happy I felt like I was flying…
I felt like this was a dream.. i couldnt
beleive this was happening to me..
And when I moved he called me like everyday
And most of the time he just called to say i love you
But he broke my heart… and ever since then
my life has turned around and i am miserable again
Oh what i would do to be happy again =(

It seems like I’m always so unhappy for some reason I could be surrounded by a sea of people and still feel all alone and I always feel so fustrated my pastor once said people who are always walking around mad and fustrated is because they are trying to be something they are not and its not working

Ive always hated myself just like alot of people but the thing is i dont feel there is anything constructive anyone can say that will make a diffrence to my happiness, pretty much because i have no idea why i wake up wanting to die and go to sleep wanting to die.. because i dont want to die!!!!!!!! I look forward to nothing, nothing entertains me.. i used to have my drugs but now they dont work…they are only worsening me and sending me into a deeper and more intense sence of nothing. I also cant handle the fact that i cant bring myself to do stupid small things…. like go to work, get out of bed, go to the gym, sleep!! Im falling so fast i dont know what more i can do.
Becasue its true i dont want to die…but i feel like i just dont have any other option because i cant deal with the pain.. i feel nothing..Im empty

i was sorta happy tonight for a few hours

I know thats never going to happen

i just want to have a smile!