Contemplative Jenn is keeping the dream alive
I’m tired of moping and pondering and pining and being sad. I’m also tired of the subsequent stage of being angry. And I’m tired of putting a fragile new friendship in the midst of my emotional disarray. Maybe I’m just tired, period.
So I’ve decided to be done with this.
Sometimes we must make the decision to simply step outside our pain and anger in order to get past it. The old me would have denied its very existence, held it in, clung to it like a blanket against the necessary chill of progress. The interim me would have expressed it but not let it go, let it diminish me a bit at a time, allowing it to undermine my physical and emotional health. The new(est) me has acknowledged its existence, unpacked it in an attempt at understanding, but now must let it fall along the wayside in order to move on. There is some sadness in this mindful act of discardia. But I realize that letting go does not negate any emotion that preceded it. It simply serves to place it in a larger context.
For better or for worse, I’m done worrying about this. I believe it is for better. At least I hope so.
