get my life back together.

Ive let my life get way out of control. im pretty much looking at a feloney charge and so is my girlfriend (who has priors) for drug trans/sale . all over a middle man deal i was set up to do an tottally busted for. not to mention i just had my frist child a month an half ago (daughter BEST THING TO HAPPEN TO ME SINCE THE DISCOVERY OF P.B.&J.) . SO I HAVE TO KICK THIS DRUG BS and make it through probation (@ the very least) ((yikess!)) and get a JOB AN START TAKING CARE OF MY FAMILY!... WHILE STILL FINDING THE REASON TO SMILE …

My life has just went down hill. On Dec. 23 my car was reposed, what makes it so bad I was not even 30 days late, I had just stopped to my mom’s to pick her up so I could go pay my car note, went inside to see if she was ready, and they took my car. Then on the 24 of Dec I was fired from my job for not coming to work, (remind u the doctor put me out 5 days) Then I was planning a semester out of college to get a second job and just take a break, but I ended up going back this semester, which I hate because I am just really burned out, but I needed to pull a student loan for another car. Im carless, jobless, moneyless, and I feel low, I have to start all over again.

My solution is to take it day by day. I have a supportive family that will help when it gets tough. so hopefully next month Ill get a car,job,and start to get my life back together.

I went from having it all to having nothing. Now I’m back in my miserable parents house, unemployed, unemployable i think, broke, lonely but I’m trying.

I asked him for a divorce in August after 17 years of marriage. 10+ years of infidelity and lies on his part. Making me think what was real really wasn’t, and what I knew in my heart to be truth, were lies. He finally started moving yesterday evening. I still love him, but I don’t really like who he is. For that matter I haven’t really liked who I’ve become with him. So I am going to start by loving me a lot more. Stop giving so much of myself to others and do somethings for myself.

So I didnt exactly get to do my thing on my day off, but I did have a very good weekend. : )

Ill get this completed eventually!!

So, my life is a little out of whack right now. I am literally “empty of people”. I kinda feel as though I have no one, and Im getting depressed about it. So….I have some thinking to do. On my day off both jobs, I am going to take a little road trip by myself, which is tomorrow. No where far, cause gas prices are rediculous, but just somewhere I can get away and be on my own to think about things. Clear my head…..

Hopefully it helps because Im about to go crazy with all the thoughts….its like a vicious cycle that never ends.

I really am my own Heaven and Hell!

I’m guessing i’m supposed to write about wanting to get my life back together? More like trying to get my life period. People take it away from me 24/7, whats their excuse and justification? Well, one…i dont get it…and two, i need to get some, and three, well, i have an illness that i’m not gonna accept with some real proof, i’m not gonna buy some made up shit when i know its made up and not real…i cant do that because i’m not a losser, only someone whos uneducated, frighteningly unsure of ones own mind and self, or a lair could live with that…

anyway, i’m still trying, but doing it here is basically pointless. i’m sad about it but sadly no body cares about anything but rising gas prices, expensive of living, bills, family, self, and church…luckly i dont stress about those things so i guess i dont really know the kinds of hardship real normal people face every day.

Really i just want a girl friend, and a decent job, both of which i’ll find hopefully soon. Its too bad about selfish ignorant people.

I left the mother of my children and took the kids with me because she had a drug problem,now I regret it.
I never thought I loved her as much as I really do but now,I’m living with my parents and im kinda stuck because they moved in a new place and are relying on me to help them pay the rent,I told them i will be here for about a year but I cant be away from her that long,I dont know how to tell my parents that I need her back in my life shes all I think about.My parents are expecting me to live here for a few years and my childrens mother aint allowed to move in with us.she live in another state now its about 30 min away but it feel like a whole other planet away.I hardly ever get to see her anymore and shes allways telling me how much she misses me and the kids,she got of the drugs due to the rude awakaningand now shes ready to get things working between me and her again,and I want her back so bad but at the same time I dont want to let my famly down I am so torn on what to do,whoever is reading this please give me your point of veiw.I need her back in my so badly

note to myself
no matter how crappy things get,
try to remember to count my blessings

ya. i would be fantastic to get back to the way things used to be.