figure out what I really want

So I’ve come to the conclusion that this is almost impossible for me. I’m so indecisive. So no matter what my choices are narrowed down to, I’ll never know what I want. So instead of figuring out what I want, I need to work on my indecisive problem first.

The method is action. Taking action on what needs to be done will open the way for desire to come forth.

Finding out what you want is about getting good at turning over rocks.

There’s a barrier of entry to every task, but after you break through, you get at the good stuff.
Turns out I want to work in video production for my favorite tv show. If found this out by going to see the show live, feeling great, and then seeing what it was like to work there.

Fast paced, lots of new experience, constant social interaction, tight deadlines… all aimed at getting out an awesome program. Just visualizing myself working there gave me a rush.

Obviously there’s more things I probably want to do, so I’ll have to find them using Trust, Intuition, and Presence.

I’m going to pay close attention to what I’m feeling when I’m doing a variety of things. Because its emotion, not our cognitive thought, which decides what we want and what we like doing.

I trick myself into thinking I want some things, but really those things are just what I think are the “right” things to want.

I want to pursue a career in Music Television.

Be it in my life, love or self. For once, I really want to know, understand and be happy with what I really want.

YES. I want to travel and freelance from wherever I am. What kind of freelance? Any of my three focus areas, all of them can be done anywhere; writing, photo and graphic art. OR, get a job that sends me around to travel. Now that I know what I want, I have to have some courage and go for it. I mean, as a freelancer, I wouldn’t have a steady job. What about health insurance? What about my pets? What about my boyfriend? I have to gain more professional experience and get better at finding freelance jobs. Where to begin? Try to get that started while maintaining my current steady job? At what point will I know I can support myself this way?

But I know what I want; I want to get out and see the world, escape my comfort zone, experience the different things it has to offer and be amazed by it all!

When I get back from New York I think I will start looking into writing and photography positions available. I will also continue to develop and explore the graphic field, since I believe I could be making more money than I currently do while also working in a more creative environment.

I know what this is, I just need to do it.

...only everything.
I want to keep stability here at home but travel and live abroad. I want to make good money and have medical insurance, but do a job I’m passionate about creatively, that also makes the world a better place. I want no responsibility but complete freedom. I want to maintain a relationship with someone who seeks a house in the suburbs and a 401k and at the same time go all over the planet like a nomad with no plan at all. Oh, and I want it all NOW.
I think the real problem is that I want adventure and my sweetie (who I love very much) wants security. There’s supposed to be a “balance” we are supposed to be able to find, but isn’t that just a nice way of saying neither of us gets the life they want?