“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

(Albert Einstein)

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the balance of Love and the Voice.

In life, I have tended to place Love above everything else. In the past, I have stood on a hill and opened myself up to anything a person wanted to throw at me…whether it be roses or tomatoes. Willingly I took in whatever was presented to me…all in the name of Love.

But then, something happened. My throat began to tighten. My thyroid wasn’t quite right. My voice felt like a blanket of coal coated it in heavy layers. I was suppressing feelings of mistreatment. My acquiescence to some things could have been out of love, but somewhere I had gone wrong. How can this be when I have loved freely, given compassion, and resisted feeling ill-will towards anyone?

Then, a dear friend insisted that I stand up for myself and say my true feelings, even though it would hurt someone else. The friend was forceful, even overstepping in insistence. And so, tired of hearing it all, I penned a blunt response to my subject in less than a minute’s time. I didn’t consider love in the equation, but just went with my instincts. I just penned my thoughts and sent them on. A few hours later I felt awful…there was wretched pain that I felt upon inflicting pain on someone else that lasted for hours.

But then, something strange happened. The next day, my mind felt a little clearer. My throat started relaxing just a little. I started accepting my own feelings as worthy and authentic. Breathing became slightly easier. And I realized that my friend had done me a great favor in girding me up with strength and pushing me past limits that I should have achieved long ago.

Only by doing what we fear, will we grow. I needed a push to begin to use my voice and not silence myself anymore in the name of Love. I realized that even though my words may hurt someone, that sometimes this is necessary to help the other person as much as myself. And just because I deliver hurtful words; still, I don’t have to feel any disdain for the other person.

I want to work on aiming my stronger words at the behavior of a person, not the person her or hisself as I learn this new path.

The gem turquoise symbolizes the strength of the voice. The gem rose quartz symbolizes healing and love. I realize that I can embrace both these qualities in my life, giving balance to each—not dominance to one over the other.

Another friend, Slayne, who is here on 43, sent me a message just before my birthday. She told me to run water over a candle, dry the clean candle off, and then light it. She said to hold the lit candle in my dominant hand and state my intent, or wish, and let the candle remain somewhere until it burned all the way down.

I did just this on my birthday. I also surrounded the candle with turquoise and rose quartz, and a shiny crystal…as a reminder to balance Love with my Voice. What a beautiful gift this friend gave me. And, I am reminded how we all can make a difference in each others lives with just a little effort. My friends really helped me and so I am writing this just in case I can help anyone else.

A good place to start is with a glimpse back on times of depression and doomed circumstances and feelings of lost hope. No need to go into details, but yes, there have been those times in my life. I haven’t been to those places in a while, but I recall them clearly.

Then, there is a recent event in my life where a member of my extended family attempted suicide. This subject, in itself, is a separate discussion, but the point is, it demonstrates the hopelessness that some people feel.

I understand that these “down times” and morose feelings are real for me and others, but I also see these dark feelings as deceptive. I see the mind as deceiving us into forgetting that we don’t have long to live while we are here! The reality is, compared to all of time, our life here is a mere finger-snap!

I see the mind as deceiving us into forgetting the gratitude we should have for things like our general health, our eyesight and hearing, our ability to breath without labor, our lack of physical pain, our capacity to walk and talk, a fully functioning brain that is not damaged, the lack of events like disease, our children being with us, the freedoms that we enjoy. These things will no longer be taken for granted if they are taken away from us.

And I say to myself, “I will not be deceived anymore. I am one of the luckiest people in the world!”

Then, I look around me and I notice people in need…people who cannot read…people who are addicted or mentally handicapped…people who are hungry..children who just need a little attention to feel like he or she is important…special needs children who are basically ignored…elderly people who are wretchedly lonely.

And I wonder how I could be so over-focused on myself for long periods without recognizing these other events and conditions. I notice that life is a bit tricky. I must be selfish and unselfish at the same time. How can this be so?

It goes something like this: I must be selfish in the areas of meeting my own needs—basic safety, health, food, and shelter, love around me, and getting the respect I deserve from others. Past that, what’s the point of doing much of anything else except helping others obtain their basic needs too?

Now it’s time to do something about it. Instead of seeking more “stuff” or trying to “enhance” my own self in some way, it’s time to stop and say, I am enough; I have enough; I feel good enough. Time to do something for somebody else. So today, I am ordering binders for kids in need at the local high school. Hey, it may not save the world, but at least it is a step in the right direction.

For almost a year now, I have been exercising caution with using these words. These are strong words and when we use them, we risk losing credibility, as there are few sentences that contain these words that could actually be true. This is a very good realization and I’m glad that a book called “Taming Your Tongue” that I picked up one day in the grocery store, brought this concept to my attention in a passage pertaining to “words to avoid”.

Attitude is underrated. A little bit of attitude goes a long way in lifting a person’s spirit. Attitude inspires like no other…it stirs the butterflies that have been hanging upside-down like bats in the stomach’s cocoon…Attitude awakens the spirit and resolve…it resurrects hope and lights a fire underneath bottoms that have sat on solid surfaces for far too long. If I could buy a bottle of attitude, I would take a couple of big tablespoonfuls everyday.

A blog I read recently had some insightful suggestions on developing a strong attitude that I want to capture here:

Develop realistic, measurable, bite-size even babystep goals.

Take decisive actions, rather than detach yourself.

Surround yourself with encouragers – life is impossible if you journey through it alone.

Be an encourager – if you feel you don’t have anyone in your life, then go out and be a support to someone. It will return to you in ways you can’t possibly imagine.

Acknowledge your own strength and resourcefulness.

Maintain an optimistic outlook by visualizing a better future.

1. Babbling on (no need to over focus.)

2. Clinging to a topic like a drowning man. (move on)

3.Being negative and whiny. (please stop me if I do this)

4. Not listening (this is challenging to truly listen).

5. Thinking it’s all about me, me, me! (It’s not; actually, others are usually thinking about themselves—not me nor you).

6. Asking a million questions. (Oh, dread, this can definitely be overdone).

7. Not being right here, right now. (quit obsessing about whatever is being obsessed about; remember the moment—right here, right now)

:)

...not my material, read in a blog

This is an important realization that on it’s face, seems glaringly obvious. It is, very simply, that some days are good, some days are bad.

Sometimes when a bad day occurs, I have felt sullen and distraught to a certain point. Over time, I have come to work out a different approach to dealing with the negative things of life.

Now, I attempt to react more along the lines of trying to define what happened and how it has affected me. I can still fully acknowledge that the situation “sucks”, but remind myself that as some time goes by, this will pass and inevitably, something new will take it’s place! Why is understanding that a “bad day” will pass and fade, so difficult for us to grasp? It’s really quite incredible that something so obvious is so often overlooked.

Oddly, this is one time where living in the moment is a good thing and a bad thing. In this situation we have to live in the moment, but also be mindful that other moments will follow and be better than this one. Writing this has made me question whether “living in the moment” may have it’s exceptions. I like the stimulation of new thought on this.

The thing that also bothers me, is when I, or someone else gets upset or frustrated and quits trying or gives something up just because of a temporary negative situation.

How many times have we seen this? It is as if when a bad day strikes, that many of us strike back with some negative action, that may include quitting or even revenge, to make ourselves feel better. But it’s unnecessary, because, if we are patient and press on with our endeavors, this day will pass and another will take its place! Plus, we can use our experience as a motivator to achieve, accomplish, and prevent such circumstances from occurring again. How about turning something negative into something postive? That is a very real possibility that can be made into a reality.

As a reminder to myself…Do not let a bad day make you stop or quit something that is important to you. Things change. Some days are good and some days are bad. It is very simple , really, and it is OK to have a bad day. Keep a FLUID ATTITUDE, that ensures that a disenchanting day will not shut you down, only make you reflect and move on and will serve as something to learn from until the sun starts beating down with brightness again.

I want to meet bad days with patience and try a shrug of the shoulder and a “knowing smile” that things change…they always do—and place my bet on things changing for the better.

We see people of different religions give up things in order to grow in their faith. What comes to mind is fasting, or giving up food, and the Catholic tradition of Lent, giving up something of importance to demonstrate faith. Although I haven’t been a participant in these types of practices, there is something valid to be learned in regard to these customs.

The act of giving up something of importance for someone you love can lead to a greater self-discovery and help a relationship to take a giant leap in terms of growth. In our self-absorbed society, we often hear advice to the contrary…advice telling us to do what we want and have what we want without regard to anyone else.

And yes, it does make sense to be true to ourselves and go out and take what we really want in this world while we are here. But, there are relationships that are so important in our lives, that it is a privilege to give something up for the relationship.

If the relationship is fairly healthy, the result can be a deeper gratitude and trust between two people. The result of this unselfish act also may prompt a release of fear in the relationship and result in an opening up with true feelings and an increase of honesty between two people.

When we give up something important to us for the sake of someone else, we are letting the other person know that he or she is more important than the other thing is to us. That may be the only thing the other person really needed to know in the first place. And, when the person realizes that, then suddenly, that thing that was so important in the past, doesn’t matter so much anymore, to both of you.

And it may surprise you in the future to find yourself pursuing that which you gave up once again, only with a new, healthier perspective; and find it is a pursuit that the person you love appreciates too!

This is something that has taken me a long time to figure out.

After being on 43 for a while, I realize that I view subscriptions a lot differently than I used to view them. Initially, if I lost a subscriber, it felt a bit deflating. Now I see subscriptions as a gauge of interest and common ground.

The danger in allowing a negative type of effect to occur when a subscriber is lost is (1) we may be tempted to lose our “true selves” in trying to please others to gain a person back, and (2) if we let subscriber loss negatively effect us, then we lose our focus of why we are here in the first place (fulfill goals, social media, self-discovery).

As long as I keep my ego in check, I can be just as happy when I lose a subscriber, as when I gain one. If I offend someone, make someone uncomfortable, or am no benefit to that person, why on earth would I want that person to subscribe to my writing? It would make me more comfortable if that person did not subscribe to me. In order to be free to grow and use this site effectively, we need to be comfortable to express ourselves here freely. Having subscribers who are on the similar wavelength or somehow gain something from my writing is exciting and gratifying.

Truly, the only thing that would be sad to me is if I had 0 subscribers, as I continue to write. It’s strange, but just one person is enough to inspire me. It is a beautiful thing to realize that each one of us here is enough to touch someone else’s life as just one human being. That means you, whoever you are and reading this…just you alone who finds me somehow helpful or useful and for some reason wants to keep up with me. You alone are enough. And that, is one of the best realizations of all!

It is an analogy we all know—the phrase “stepping outside the box”. Although it is an overused expression, I think the box-esque description of getting outside our comfort zone is a good one. I have been stepping outside of my own comfort zone more and more lately. When I get outside my comfort zone, it feels uneasy and worrisome. Inside the “box” feels safe and accepting and confident. Outside the box feels dangerous and feels insecure. Also, because I am venturing out into new territory, such a move may result in rejection by others who are used to my “regular self”.

While inside the box can be wonderful and comforting, if we stay there too long, we will eventually become stale, much like bread locked up inside its package way past its expiration date.

In order to renew ourselves and grow, and as uncomfortable as it is sometimes, it is important to break the borders of our boxes and to venture out more. It is also important not to over-think our actions, but to recognize the courage of our journey. And perhaps hardest of all, it is important not to rely on the acceptance of others, but to lean steadily on our own self-acceptance and have a real appreciation of our effort.