be more aware

.. that by being more aware, I could make better decisions; those decisions we all make in every moment. If I am more aware of myself and the choices I make, I can laugh with love at the person who wants to take the easy way out or give up, or watch tv and ignore the world, and choose to do something I, who I want to be, would do. I will just try not to be too hard on myself if I don’t make the choices I would like to because this goal is a start, I’m aiming for awareness. I may end up being more aware of the harmful choices I make but ha! I will have achieved something… lets see how it goes. (I can imagine that – as others have said – this could be a difficult one because of the lack of tangible goals. We’ll just have to see what happens)

I want to be more aware of what I am thinking, saying, doing etc. – because I have let my life pass me by in a fuzz of half-awareness, and some recent events have made it clear to me. Where have I been? what did I do? what did I think of it? Maybe even make a plan, (see other ‘plan’ thing to do).

This goal might prove out to be too vague to work with but for now I’ll just go with it and see what happens. What I hope to achieve with this goal, is to gain more perspective on the world around me, actually study subjects that interest me (namely philosophy, psychology, literature…) and know what’s currently going on in the world, near and far. 21 years of ignorance is way too much, I’ve gotten away with it this far but now it has started to catch up with me and I hate to think I’m lacking knowledge. Sometimes it’s even embarrassing when my ignorance becomes obvious in the company of others, it always makes me feel stupid and unworthy, because I know I could be so much more, almost the exact opposite, even.

I just walk around sometimes thinking about nothing and everything all at once, and not realizing the reality of what’s important! I want to stop daydreaming, not because that’s not great, but because that’s all I have been doing. I want to create substance in my life. (I don’t want to be a slob anymore!)

but what I’ve become more aware of is not very positive: the way the world really works. It started out with me feeling it was my duty to seek. Now sometimes I wish I hadn’t. how irreparably changed my life has become. but, then again, destruction breeds new beginnings. And I am learning to smile again, though it costs my ignorance, i don’t care. I know what I need to know about how the world works: that some people have very skewed perspectives on what’s right and wrong. I think that’s important to know. I think that is one of the great lessons of the last few years of my life: being aware that there are many different ways to view the world. ...and that there is much more to it than I assume.

Despite what being aware has cost me, i’d recommend it to anyone, regardless of what you desire to be more aware of.

being aware to me means knowing what I want, and what type of person I am, and not letting anything influence me. I don’t want to be like the brain washed masses who consume everything.

Its hard to express in words the emotions that I have experienced in the last few weeks, no words seem to fit at all. Only now that it has left me with the desire to expand my life and become more aware of everything I possibly can. Every moment is one that leads to the next, the most important moment is now.

I’ve become aware that it isn’t working for me.

...I suddenly feel “aware”, or self conscious. That’s good. But it shows I can’t really keep it up all the time.

...awareness for me is a state of mind where I feel calm, peaceful and I feel I can see the “bigger picture”. I have clarity. I am not so focussed on details that I feel in denial of more important things, but I am not overwhelmed by obligations. My emotions flow between these states and “awareness” is the center.