It’s been there all along, but I could not see pass the fog. I have been blaming everything else and this should be my No. One Priority. In my opinion, if I find a floral designer job almost everything, or maybe everything will fall into place.
I have been blaming my anxiety, panic, depression and ADD about becoming overwhelemed with everything and not looking for this position I want NOW.
I made every excuse to avoid it, I blamed everything from “Well, I have been out of the floral field for a long time.” I just finsihed a floral design day program at Cass Florist in Watertown, MA. I posted some of my designs and everyone tells me there good.
So now, I have to move, I am excited about this, I mean really excited and I owe my excitement to one special and gorgeous lady Parker and her beautiful daugther. If you stop by her web page, give her a dozen or more cheers, won’t you.
Last night she tried to help me, and I panicked, got so anxious I became sick, sick to my stomach and had an anxiety attack all at once. I believed I dissapointed her and myself, well I am not going to do this to her or me. I am going to find a job as a floral designer> I said it before, I don’t really care right now about how much money I will make. If it’s all about making money I would go back to the environmental field and be a safety consultant and make $50-60K, but I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to do something I am passionate about, something I love doing and this is it. So Parker, if your reading this I want you to know how important last night was me.
Last night I had a dream about a bird inside a secret room, I followed the bird, no I actually chased the bird into the room. This room was inside my home. I ntered the large room I had never seen before and found other rooms, I could see underneath the walls where all the other rooms were, rooms I lived in.
I have searching for that room, that window and it has been there all alone, hidden behind what I saw first, the walls, only I never dreamed what was behind the walls, and so now my journey begins. I have so much to do, I need to write down a list, and I hate lists but this list will be an important one for me to finally find a job. Thank you Parker, thank you everyone for your continued support.
I can’t wait to tell my therapist that I am starting to find my way out of the chasm and keep going up and up until I reach the top, the top of my sucess. Thank you all again, 43 things
