Concentrate on having healthy relationships (familial, social, professional, and romantic)

Salad, wine, Italian (chicken) sausage and peppers (and onion) cooked on the grill, plus giant shrimp for him. Then he asked if I’d ever cooked apples over a grill, which I had not. He does this when he’s camping. So we had those with a little vanilla ice cream. Curled up on the couch together and watched a little TV until I conked out.

Those kinds of evenings are nice.

1. Seem to be finding more ways to spend pleasant times with my mother, and yet still keep boundaries delineated so that I am not leaving openings for attack. We’ve had two nice dinners together, including one on my birthday.

2. I fall into the trap of being Nice much of the time. I am getting better and better about not doing that, such as this weekend when the hotel accidentally assigned someone else to our hotel room and I was in the shower when they waltzed in. (My Man wasn’t there, he had run out to do an errand). I wasn’t Nice when I poked my head out of the bathroom door and told him to leave right now (poor guy was confused as hell), and I was understanding – but – not – Nice to the young woman at the counter who made the mistake. And I made sure we were compensated.

3. Anyone who has known me on here long enough knows what my greatest fear is. And yet I overcame Abject Terror and went sea kayaking this weekend. It was one of my surprise birthday gifts from My Man. We went out with our sons (plus another couple and guides) – way out, like a 1/4 mile from shore in these teeny tiny little kayaks. At sunset. Which, as any true selachophobe knows, is prime feedin’ time! But I did it and it was absolutely wonderful and beautiful and I didn’t feel scared once. (It was twice, but only very briefly.) I highly recommend it!

I typed a big long rant here about what a horrible p-- my ex can be, but I am trying very hard not to do that anymore, so I deleted all of the gory details, but sometimes for your own survival you just really need to say

WHAT A F-ING P--!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ARGHHHHHHHHHH!#$%^&^&*()(*&^%$$%^%$#@@@#$#@!!!!!!!!!

(And a few of you ladies out there as well…you know who you are.)

Make a note.

Tonight, go to your woman. Say, “Take off all of your clothes and lie down on the bed.” She may act surprised, make a joke, or say, “What is the meaning of this?” Tell her gently, “Trust me. Just do it.”

Turn off the bedroom lights. Ask her to roll over onto her stomach. She will not be able to see what you are doing. Get a bottle of good body lotion (perhaps with a natural, not perfumey scent) and give her a massage. On her back. On her arms. On her legs. Don’t forget her feet and hands. Nice, long, soothing, sensual strokes. Get all of the tension out of her back and shoulders. No talking, just soothing.

She may think that you are expecting something in return, and will be thoroughly surprised when you say quietly, “Whenever you’re ready to get up you can go take your shower/a warm bath.” Or pull the covers up, give her a kiss, touch her hair, and walk away.

It’s a nice way to show your woman how you feel about her.

My Man and I have been dating for a year and a half now. We’ve been exclusive since June. I usually do not let him stay the night when my son is here, though I made two exceptions: 1. New Year’s Eve, I didn’t want him on the road with all the drunks (he has a 30 minute drive home on a dangerous road), and 2. Very recently, my son had some friends over and a lot was going on until very late in the night. My bf was here, too, helping with feeding boys and setting up video games and such. The boys were very involved with each other, and it was very late, and we just went to bed upstairs and, yes, slept.

My son says he knows D. stays over and that he sleeps in my room, so what is the difference if D. stays over when he’s there or not? (Those are his words.)

Sometimes I think we’ve been together long enough that it should be something we can start easing into, and other times I do worry about the impact on my son. My parents divorced when I was young and they were much more quick and open about new boyfriends/girlfriends staying the night. (I’m not talking revolving door, it was people that they were going to be dating for at least a few months or even a few years.) I know I would get attached to their boyfriends/girlfriends, and then they would be gone. I’ve been very clear with my son that D. and I care about each other a lot, that he is a very good person, and that we are committed to trying to make this a relationship that works; but also that there are no guarantees in any relationship, and there may come a point when it doesn’t work and we will no longer be together.

He’s also old enough, too, to know about the “private” aspects of an adult relationship. My personal opinion for me (not for you, Dear Readers…if there are any of you left after this long ramble) is that I don’t feel the need to wait until marriage for intimacy (I was already married for a very long time, so I’m not rushing back into it now), but I also am not into casual sex. For me, that comes with a relationship that appears that it will be around for a while at least. He knows that D. and I dated for several months before the first time he stayed over. (This was all part of several conversations my son and I have had, some initiated by him and some by me. I try to answer his questions without sharing too much that is beyond his maturity level.)

Hmmmmm, that’s a very long and convoluted post. Not sure I’m even looking for advice, really. Just typing thoughts that have been rolling around in my head…

So my son pulled a sleepover ambush on me. What I mean is, he said he was inviting his friend over to play video games, and when the friend’s mom dropped him off, she asked, “So what time should I pick him up in the morning?”

?!

I got punk’d.

Enneehoooooo…

He and his friend are sitting in the living room, laughing like crazy as they annihilate each other on the TV screen. My son reaches for the sausage-flavored Pringles Simon sent and says to his friend, “Want some? They’re sausage Pringles from England.” His friend said, astounded, “They have Pringles in England?”

Don’t know why, but I thought that was kinda funny.

I texted My Man not to come over. I was feeling bitchy and moody and didn’t want to subject him to my foul mood. He called me back after my martial arts class and said, what’s up? I explained, and he said, “Wouldn’t a hug make it better? It’s up to you, but shouldn’t we be able to be around each other even when one of us is in a bad mood? Do we have to be in good moods all the time?”

He had a point. So I let him come over, and now we are snuggled on the couch together, and I don’t feel so bitchy anymore.

By the way, he smells really nice.

My son’s skin has been a little dry, and I’m trying to get him to use lotion after he showers to help with that. He’s old enough that he should be the one putting it on, but young enough that he avoids as many steps in the daily hygeine maintenance routine as he can get away with.

So anyway, I brought the bottle of lotion into the bathroom while he was showering, and I said, “Don’t forget to use this after you get out. Look, I bought it because it’s for men.” Thinking, maybe he thinks using lotion is too girly.

Him: “There’s a man in this house?”
Me: “That’s you, baby. You’re the man of the house.”
Him: “Cool! (Then in a deep voice from behind the shower door) Bring me a soda, woman!”
Me: “I regret to inform you that it is not that kind of house.”
Him: “Oh.”
Me: “But I was getting ready to warm up some milk to help you sleep, how ‘bout that?”
Him, cheerily: “OK!”

Does anyone know what became of reignbeaulefem? Her profile is still here, but she’s not been active in a few months. I sent her a message, but got no reply. I don’t know if there’s a reason to worry or not.

I have a soft spot for that girl.

It’s about feeling beholden to anyone.

I hate it.

And it partly comes from the fact that I am just overwhelmed enough with keeping the plates that I already have spinning. I mean, I’m giving and I’m helpful, but there is not a whole lot of me left to give, it seems. So it’s easy for me to feel like the scales of friendship get easily out of balance. Like I owe someone something. Whether they feel that I owe them or not. (There is a history behind this, but I won’t unzip the cover on that bit of psychoanalysis here.)

So after my surgery, My New Man came over to stay with me. He changed the ice in my Slurpee machine. (I don’t know what else to call the gizmo that circulates ice water around my knee). He cooked. He shopped. He washed and folded laundry. He massaged my shoulders. When I said, “Oh, my gawd, I haven’t been able to wash my hair in days, I am so scuzzy!,” he said, “I don’t care. That doesn’t bother me.” When I had a bad reaction to the medication, he listened in while I called the doctor, he researched the meds online, he sat with me late at night in the ER and made sure I was comfy and settled when I got home.

After several days of this, I said, “I feel like you’ve been doing so much for me and I haven’t done even half as much for you.” To which he replied, “I’m not keeping tabs. We’re in a relationship. This is what you do when you’re in a relationship…you just do what needs to be done to support the other person.”

Which was nice. Really nice, in fact.

And, because of the aforementioned past history, I am trying very hard to believe that he is sincere. He seems to be. Now I guess it’s up to me to take it at face value and accept this gift graciously.