Ask questions that allow me to get to know my fellow 43Ters better (and play along myself)

So, with the Olympics in full swing, my question is do you give a shit about the Olympics? Why or why not?

Me: No, not at all. In fact, I really dislike the Olympics. I tend to dislike most of the sports in it the rest of the time, so why would I pretend to like them now? I don’t watch track or badmitton or gymnastics when they aren’t in the Olympics, so I see no reason to pretend I care about them now. I know those athletes worked hard to get there and I respect their dedication and skill, but that doens’t mean I have to watch them. There are a couple of sports I do like in the Olympics, like basketball, but I get no thrill from watching NBA All Stars beat down the rest of the world. I also dislike that I am expected to root for the American. Maybe some of the Americans are assholes and some of the athletes from other countries are good people competing for dying family members back home. Why root for the asshole just because he comes from the same country as me. I honestly do not understand all of the patriotic hoopla over the Olympics. I don’t feel any prouder to be an American just becauase Michael Phelps was born here, and I don;t feel any shame if an American loses to someone from China or Canada. I think the competitors are great athletes, but I don’t consider them the national heroes that the media will paint them to be. I don’t care that they’re on TV or that most Americans pretend to give a shit about them and about athletes whose names they’ll forget in 4 years. I just have no desire to watch them. How about you?

Ok, so this question is inspired by a bit of a mess that seems to have found me. I can already hear Uncle laughing after he reads this, but I need some advice on this, too.

I have a new female admirer back home in Ohio. The problem? I have no interest in her and she appears to be crazy. She is a waitress at a restraunt my parents and I eat at all the time. On Sunday, she came up to my Mom and told her that she had gotten her first ever tattoo because it reminded her of me and then proceded to take off her shirt in the restraunt and show it to my mother. She then just kept talkng and talking and talking about me and asking all sorts of questions about when I was going to come back to her and what I was doing down here in Kentucky and just on and on. She was really nice to me when I went home last time but nothing that made me think that it was moving in this direction. I want nothing to do with this woman for a whole lot of reasons. Unc, I know you think lunatics make the best ass, but I have no interest in finding out with her.

I have never had a woman interested in me (although Dad used the term obessession on the phone yesterday) where I was completely disineterested. I have been on the receving end of some pretty shitty rejections, so I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I’m also pretty sure she’s at least slightly crazy based on other things she has told me in the past and, well, the fact that she got a tattoo over me. I know I could just stop eating there, but I don’t feel like I should have to and I really don’t want to. She’s known me for years so she knows I’m not gay and that I’m not dating anyone, so anything like that would be an obvious lie.

So, all that said, here is my question. How do I successfully get rid of her without hurting her feelings or winding up with a stalker?

My overwhelingly positive experiences with coffee have me thinking that perhaps I should give beer another shot, too. Drinking more than one alcoholic beverage in a sitting makes me very ill, but I do think that I could gain a whole lot of benefits from finding a beer that I liked and having one, or better yet going out for one, once in a while. My feeling is that, like coffe, cheap bear is not the way to go, especially since I’ll only be drinking one at a time.

So, my question is, do any of you have any recommendations about which beer or beers I should try first in my quest to find one that I like?

This question is inspired by a comment a friend made to me today about all of the crap I have in my apartment and my office. Do you own anything that is on display in your home ot office that can be described as eccentric, strange, or just plain junk?

Me: I have crap everyone amidst the towering piles of books and the empty bottles of Vitamin Water. I have lots of NASCAR diecast (Racing is one of the few things I can watch and discuss with my Dad), a Jim Morrison action figure in my kitchen, several bobbleheads in my living room, and a jar that is designed to hold “Ashes of Problem Students” on my desk at school. I’m sure I’ll have and even want to pack some of this stuff away when I get married or move in with a woman, but for now, they represent the different facets of my personality. The funny thing is that I have lots of things that could be considered tasteful, like my grandmother’s school bell and lots of antique books, on display, too. That said, my three strangest things are as follows:

1. My life sized Yoda. Most of you know about him already, though. He rocks plain and simple.

2. My voodoo doll toothpick holder. I got it in my family’s white elephant gift exchange two Christmases ago. I have it on my desk at school. My students find it and the jar hilarious.

3. My Clinton Scandal Russian Doll. My cousin got this for me when she went to Russia last year. It’s one of those nesting dolls with Bill Clinton as the outside doll and each subsequent doll representing a different figure from the scandal. It has a cigar in the center, tucked inside Monica Lewinski.

These questions are inspired by me going and seeing Sweeney Todd last night, which features Helena Bonham Carter, who is one of my biggest celebrity crushes. She always looks stunning no matter how scary they try to make her look. Anyway:

1. Who is your current biggest celebrity crush?
2. Who was your first celebrity crush?

Me:
1. Despite my passion stated above as well as my fondness for Juliette Binoche(the ultimate in class, intelligence, and beauty), Charlize Theron and Uma Thurman, my biggest celebrity crush is easily Natalie Portman. Not only does she look amazing at all times(even when she’s bald), but she’s also highly intelligent and incredibly talented. The character of hers that caused me to fall in love with her is Sam in Garden State .

2. My first crush was Paula Abdul. Not only was the video to “Cold Hearted” the sexiest thing my tweleve year old eyes had ever seen, but I used to pretend she was singing her songs to me. (Reminder: I was 12) She was followed by my most embarassing crush: Tiffany.

Today’s question is a slightly mundane one with a slight twist to it.

1. Who was your favorite singer/band when you were 18 years old?
2. Who is your favorite now?

Me:
1. I have to list three here. I had pretty much equal affection for Metallica, Nirvana, and The Doors.

2. I still like all of the above, and I have a fondess for both Hip Hop and Elvis, but my favorite now is Johnny Cash. Quite simply, I think he is the greatest American songwriter ever. the way he combines storytelling, politics, and romantic imagery all together simply amazes me.

No, I’m not practicing cheesy pickup lines. It’s the basis for the first of today’s two questions. Does that line even work? On with the questions!

1. When is your birthday?
2. What is your favorite birthday gift you’ve ever received?

Me:
1. July 31
2. My X-Box, but not for the reason you might think, though I do love playing college football on it. It’s my favorite because my Dad went and bought it for me for my 29th birthday without me asking for it or anybody else knowing he bought it. He even went after he and my Mom had already picked out presents for me and even managed to hide it from her. On the box, he wrote: “You work too hard. Please use this and take some time for yourself.” I hadn’t even fully discussed how stressed out school was making me with studying for my comprehensive exams, but somehow, he just knew. I don’t talk about what an amazing guy my Dad is often enough. The video game system was awesome, but knowing that my Dad understood what I was going through was a gift I’ll never forget.

First two questions:
1. Have you ever made one of somebody’s dreams come true?
2. Has anybody ever made one of your dreams come true?

I don’t mean serious, but wonderful, things like marriage or degrees or stuff like that. I mean more frivilous types of dreams.

Me:
1. Yes. A girl I dated loved Garth Brooks and told me one of her dreams was to see him in concert. About 3 months into our relationship, tickets to see him went on sale. I braved the line and got us great seats. The concert was amazing. We both had a wonderful time. After the conert was over and I took her home, I told her “I hope I get the chance to make some more of your dreams come true.” I didn’t. She dumped me 2 weeks later for some other guy. I am still glad I got the chance to do this, though. No matter how she tries, she won’t be able to forget me.

2. Yes, two years ago my best friend’s wife, who I also think the world of, met the owner of Nashville’s AAA baseball team. I am a huge baseball fan, and I have always wanted to throw out the first pitch at a professional game. She arranged for me to do just that and managed to keep it a surprise until we got to the stadium. They announced my name when I went out. They even listed me on the official roster for that game. I got up there on the mound just like I’d always dreamed of, and I threw a strike. Everybody cheered for me. I still have the ball on my desk at work. It remains the nicest thing anybody has ever done for me.