develop a thick skin

Earlier today I let a supervisor get the best of me. He was saying things to try and put me down and belittle me. Whether he was just joking or whatever it didn’t matter. I tried to shake it off and forget about it, but it just got me so hurt and angry. I had a mixture of feelings and the best way to describe it is that: 1) I felt like a little boy crying for his mommy inside 2) It felt like I was throwing a temper tantrum inside. 3) So much rage just wanting to get out.—I haven’t felt like this in many many months.
When I think about it, I’m glad I didn’t act crazy. I tried desperately to shake off these feelings but I couldn’t, I felt so helpless. It has been 17 hours since then, and I’m still feeling the after affects and the sense of insecurity.

Years ago the way I handled this problem was to take this anger out in punching walls as well as in working out. Being quick tempered runs in my family. Of course, I’m older now and know better and realize that I need to overcome this PROBLEM.

I’m actually still feeling the after effect 14 hours later. It comes and goes. I just feel so insecure.

I’ve attracted these type of people over and over again throughout the years. It seems it will not stop unless I find a way to overcome this issue. It has become annoyingly redundant in my life. In the past 4 years I have encountered many people that have taken advantage of me in this way. Sometimes I would act on it negatively and physically, other times I would just soak it up and keep the feeling of anger, rage, and contempt within my heart.

These people do it for fun and will continue to do it because they can. I personally call these type of people ‘angels’-messengers sent to help me become a better person.

I believe this is truly one of those things that truly separate the men from the boys. I want to overcome it. I need to overcome it. I will overcome it. I want to be able to just shrug off these negative feelings or perhaps not even feel it, it feels so evil and ugly.

I will do more research on this subject and try new things. I refuse to let it knock me down any longer.

I got rejected by someone I thought I admired and nothing. damn.

It’s weird bc I mostly don’t care what people think of me. I live my life in a way that I can respect myself. I might not be as far as I want to be, but I am doing good by myself (for the first time!) and that helps me sleep well at night. However, I am continually hurt by even offhand comments people make or small slights. Those things tend to hurt me more than when I get majorly f’d over. I guess bc I try my best to be polite and courteous. I always try so hard to make sure I don’t hurt anyone’s feelings in normal conversations, etc. It’s just hard for me to grasp that most people don’t think like that, or furthermore, might WANT to hurt someone else’s feelings. I’ve been through a lot in my life and even in the rough times, I never went out of my way to hurt anyone’s feelings…It’s just incomprehensible. HOWEVER, what does that even mean, “hurting someone’s feelings”? I need to start realizing that everyone is a big girl and a big boy and can handle life. I’m not personally responsible for everyone’s “feelings”. If I can do that, maybe I can also come to grips that no one but me is responsible for mine. So I should just get a grip, suck it up and let shit roll off my back. This is a tough goal but I think I’m gradually learning.

I hate that I take everything so personal. I convence myself to not care what people think of me, and within days, I back slide back into my old ways. I try to tell myself to be more logical to offset my dominating feeling personality. I believe that having thin skin has caused me to look and act crazy. This has impacted every area of my life; however, the area of my life most impacted is my career. When I visualize things that bother me rolling down my back, it does help, but often I get caught up in what is said and dwell in the negativity for countless hours.

but just not resonating for me right now

I think I take things personally that I shouldn’t, because my skin is sometimes so very thin. I need to become better at discerning what is really A Big Deal and what is just A Minor Deal.

where thick skin would have come in handy. I’m working as a T.A. at a school right now. Most of the kids are good, but the bad ones are baaaaad. I’m good at keeping cool on the outside and acting rationally, but on the inside I’m throwing tantrums. This week was particularly rough as I spent most of the week covering for teachers who were out. It was really stressful.

Then at the end of the day, I’m talking to my ex on the phone, who I’m still good friends with, and he tells me that he and his (recently ex) boss have decided to see if a relationship will work out for them – long distance. Well, I lost it (in my head of course – and then on the way home).

Oh, thick skin would have been great today.

On one hand, I feel like I have no skin at all and am completely transparent; hence, the self-consciousness.

On the other hand, I’m the nobody-understands-me type who finds distance comforting, if not necessary; hence, the impenetratable bubble.

Isn’t it better to be overly sensitive than to be thick-headed and daft?

Someone tagged me “careless” in 43people. I do not think I’m careless so maybe they wanted to help me practice for this goal.