develop a thick skin

I got rejected by someone I thought I admired and nothing. damn.

It’s weird bc I mostly don’t care what people think of me. I live my life in a way that I can respect myself. I might not be as far as I want to be, but I am doing good by myself (for the first time!) and that helps me sleep well at night. However, I am continually hurt by even offhand comments people make or small slights. Those things tend to hurt me more than when I get majorly f’d over. I guess bc I try my best to be polite and courteous. I always try so hard to make sure I don’t hurt anyone’s feelings in normal conversations, etc. It’s just hard for me to grasp that most people don’t think like that, or furthermore, might WANT to hurt someone else’s feelings. I’ve been through a lot in my life and even in the rough times, I never went out of my way to hurt anyone’s feelings…It’s just incomprehensible. HOWEVER, what does that even mean, “hurting someone’s feelings”? I need to start realizing that everyone is a big girl and a big boy and can handle life. I’m not personally responsible for everyone’s “feelings”. If I can do that, maybe I can also come to grips that no one but me is responsible for mine. So I should just get a grip, suck it up and let shit roll off my back. This is a tough goal but I think I’m gradually learning.

I hate that I take everything so personal. I convence myself to not care what people think of me, and within days, I back slide back into my old ways. I try to tell myself to be more logical to offset my dominating feeling personality. I believe that having thin skin has caused me to look and act crazy. This has impacted every area of my life; however, the area of my life most impacted is my career. When I visualize things that bother me rolling down my back, it does help, but often I get caught up in what is said and dwell in the negativity for countless hours.

but just not resonating for me right now

I think I take things personally that I shouldn’t, because my skin is sometimes so very thin. I need to become better at discerning what is really A Big Deal and what is just A Minor Deal.

where thick skin would have come in handy. I’m working as a T.A. at a school right now. Most of the kids are good, but the bad ones are baaaaad. I’m good at keeping cool on the outside and acting rationally, but on the inside I’m throwing tantrums. This week was particularly rough as I spent most of the week covering for teachers who were out. It was really stressful.

Then at the end of the day, I’m talking to my ex on the phone, who I’m still good friends with, and he tells me that he and his (recently ex) boss have decided to see if a relationship will work out for them – long distance. Well, I lost it (in my head of course – and then on the way home).

Oh, thick skin would have been great today.

On one hand, I feel like I have no skin at all and am completely transparent; hence, the self-consciousness.

On the other hand, I’m the nobody-understands-me type who finds distance comforting, if not necessary; hence, the impenetratable bubble.

Isn’t it better to be overly sensitive than to be thick-headed and daft?

Someone tagged me “careless” in 43people. I do not think I’m careless so maybe they wanted to help me practice for this goal.

Skin? Ew, it’s all blubber.