be strong

in the last 2 months, I’ve felt torn, heartbroken, judged, unloved, abandoned, alienated, alone, unintelligent, ugly, unworthy, guilt-ridden. I felt I was going to die, break down forever. I broke down several times, cried more than I can remember, I even tried tarot which all seemed to point to ugly things in my future, but I’m still here, and I’m fine.

Being strong is helpful in many ways; it’s important when you’re feeling lonely, because you need to be strong and go on doing what you have to do. It’s helpful in making friends too, because if you’re strong internally, you attract people towards you, and you can be yourself without changing to fit other people and undermining yourself. If you’re strong you can get the necessary stuff done, and face moments of difficulty with more confidence (understand that it’s just a moment which will pass, stay neutral, etc).

In my case, I feel a bit lonely right now. I have made one friend here, but she’s not a very close friend (yet) and she doesn’t hide that she feels that I’m not as close to her as another friend, which is fine, but I need to see her less in that case (we’ve been hanging out every day pretty much) because I can’t be the best of myself all the time, I can only hang out that much with someone who knows me really well and known me for a long time.
I should also try to hang out a little bit with other people, nothing scary, just a little bit from time to time. I need to be more courageous, but also smart; seek out ppl I sense I will get along well with. tbc

My grandma is doing well. I was able to get over the fact that we hired a woman to take care of her (even though I spent almost an entire day crying) and the two of them get along well. She cooks and cleans and looks after my grandma in a caring way. So I guess I was strong there and let myself be convinced and not freak out.

My nephew is ill again. He has been running high temperature for days now, he has strong bronchitis, and hasn’t been out of the house for days. I went to see him yesterday and he is so skinny now :(
All this after he was kicked out of kindergarten for rumbling some cubes and shapes and opening cupboards while all the other kids were playing quietly.
I guess I was strong – not going there and punching someone in the face for being so mean to him and for being completely unprofessional. I am still angry at the fact that they do still take care of numerous other kids while clearly they shouldn’t, but I resisted my urges to protect the child I love (he didn’t need an crazy aunt in this situation).

My mum went to the doctor today. She needs to go again with new MRI test results and I’m at work.
I’m not crying, I’m not screaming, I’m working. I didn’t throw the stapler at my idiot boss today. I guess that’s being strong.

Can’t say I’m a fan.

calcium.

yogurt, milk, cheese..

i grew up with those and i grew to love them.

perhaps one of the reasons why i could never be a vegan… vegetarian’s on the way, tho! :)

Now’s the time to show what I’m made of…

i wonder why, when i open up and trust someone, they just let me down. no one’s perfect, i know, but this is just too much for me to handle.. at times i’ll be sitting somewhere, just staring into space, and there are just those tears…

i have to learn it the hard way and the hard way usually brings me into crazy coincidences (which i rather like to call them ‘fate’), and as out-of-this-world (maybe even naive) it may sound to some, i know that there’s reason to everything in life.. i just have to believe in that Reason, and i’ll be okay.

but as of now, i really need a dang good punching bag and a whole day just away from those people. enough is enough

must not feel bad because of unpleasant flatmates. relax and do what I want, dont worry about pleasing everyone.
join some societies and clubs, and meet up with different people. dont be afraid to be alone sometimes.

No matter how much anything or anyone hurts me, no matter how bad the day is going..even in the worst come worst situation.. I want to remain strong, keep fighting, live life the way i like it and be happy! Don’t regret my decisions, love and be grateful to the ppl in my life, focus, be disciplined, have a pure soul, have a goal, a strong heart, a fearless mind and faith. All these things together makes a perfect human being and a perfect life =) So Keep trying and keep FIGHTING!! aja aja

I want to get stronger so I can get back to my real life. Since I broke my ankle in 2007, I have had problems with my leg, with walking, with everything.
The plan is to keep on with therapy, see about accupuncture (appt. today 6/29/09) and keep on the elliptical schedule.

surprised….I knew, when you suggested we go to Kelly’s for dinner, the place we go to escape, when our troubles seem to get the best of us…the tropical atmosphere of sand and palm trees, always has a way of making us feel better
But, I knew, by your face, that was not going to happen yesterday
you smiled, that nervous smile, as you told me, that we will have to learn to live, with your atrial fibrillation, as part of our lives..your heart has been damaged, and there is nothing much left that they can do except maintain it with medication…we have to accept that there will be days, that you just aren’t feeling up to par, that you will get tired more quickly…we can adjust, I told..we have done it before….
I remember saying…”for better, for worse, in sickness or in health..”