create an outer style that is a true reflection of me

and a mid-thigh knit cotton dress are making me feel very girly and kickass today. I even took a picture for posterity! Definitely want to get more dresses for summer.

to having the long flowing hair and chunky bangs of an international woman of mystery is having the chunky bangs and wavy shag of a male teen TV star from the 70s. I like it. It’s kinda girl rocker, too. This is a cellphone pic I took last night at the request of some friends who wanted to tease me. Tease away; I think I’m cute!

On Saturday, I did the test to see where to begin week five on the 200 Pushups program and did

120 crunches in a row!

I know, I rock. I also got my hair cut on Saturday. She changed my bangs to a thicker, messier look and cut some pieces along the side. I like it a lot. It makes me feel sexy in a 70s-teen-runaway-TV-movie kind of way. I’ve started doing pushups against my dresser, as I wasn’t progressing at all doing modified pushups on the ground. I can do 15 this way and am hoping it helps build the arm and chest strength I need to start a pushup program once I’ve conquered 200 crunches. I also took a walk this morning and did some leg lifts last night. My body wants this right now.

After I got back from walking for an hour this morning, I did five modified pushups (laugh if you want, that’s as many as I can manage before I get so wobbly I’m likely to collapse and break my nose). I also did five sets of crunches. How many in each set, you ask? Let me tell you:

45/50/45/45/65

Yes, ladies and gentlemen and transgendered people of all orientations, I did 250 crunches after walking a few miles, all by 7:30 this morning. This outer style is well on its way to sleek!

I’ve rediscovered my love for a flip. My hair is just touching my shoulders and its thickness makes this style work for me. I look like my mom did in the 60s. It’s working for me. I found a style of bangs that I like, so I’m well on my way to having hair I adore again.

The last few years, I have somehow lost myself. She kind of hid a bit, because she i am a bit shy, but then when my marriage was really bad and my ex was falling in love with someone he worked with, she really spent a lot of time changing and trying to change into something else. Then once I was single, she had a little bit of a resurrgence – or at least a faux resurrgence – and she was there again. Looking back, merely thinking that I was different and unique because I wore my teal cowboy boots while everyone else wore heels, does not a resurrgence make.

So in 2009 she is coming back – the real me. In every part of my life but also in my outer style. I am excited about this. I have cleaned my wardrobe out and got rid of a lot of the periffery but need to rebuild based on things I love….which are:

the fifties
anything vintage actually
hair accessories
brooches and cuffs
butterflies and birds
sophisticated style
ballet flats
and one day my beautiful wedge heels I bought for my wedding but which weren’t worn because I decided my feet were happier unencumbered.
My beautiful beautiful a line dress with the ballerinas printed along the bottom. I feel beautiful and exotic and myself when I wear this dress. It was expensive, but it is me and mine and everyone loves it and when I wear it I feel so confident. More pieces like that would be amazing.

I also want to be able to see each item in my wardrobe and am now a big believer in one piece in, another out…

I’ve never had much luck at H&M before, but I forced myself to go to the mall and it was the first clothing store I saw. I got three striped, long sleeve, button down, collared shirts, the crisp white button down shirt with three quarter sleeves I’ve been looking for the last six months, great simple long sleeve jerseys that I can layer, three t-shirts and a hoodie. All of it is very simply designed, with no patterns or words or extra ornaments. I can wear most of it to work and play. I’m really pleased! I also got three new bras at VS.

I’m giving away five shirts and three bras that I don’t love to make room for these.

My friend who’s going through a divorce finds it soothing to paint nails, so I have freshly painted toenails. Right now they’re a deep red, but she’s told me she’ll change it as often as I want. I think it’s good for both of us. We each get some physical contact, girl time and it takes our minds off our exes. I used to paint my toenails regularly. It was so cheery to see a shot of color.

I’ve managed to gain ten pounds. How did that happen? I wish I could believe the three mile walk I take six days a week was building muscle, but other than slightly more defined calves, I haven’t seen any evidence of that. I think my b-i-l cooks with a lot of butter and oil. I don’t want to have to buy new clothes, so I’m being much more conscious of what I’m eating. Those little ginger cookies I love so much? 25 calories each! The lush licorice? 26 calories a piece! I’m going to spend more of my calories on real food and less on the snacks I eat because I’m bored, not hungry. I’ve also been walking less, mostly because I don’t have a car and live in suburbia. Perhaps I’ll drive down to Oakland/Berkeley after work and take walks then.

I’m going to spend some of my dwindling money on two well-made shirts, probably from J. Crew, who has fitted cotton blends in white and blue. I also bought two Wacoal bras online. I’ve heard that they have good fits for smaller sizes and are good quality. I used to go braless all the time, but now I wear a bra more often than not. One of them is actually stylish and sexy, which is almost impossible to find in my size.

So, today i spent $600 at j.crew. fortunately, it was all part of my efforts to accomplish this “thing.” quite frankly, i feel better about this shopping trip than most others. usually i hate to shop, find nothing that fits well, and wonder how it will be looked upon by my peers. today, i shopped and bought for krit!

now…on to decorate my apartment.

I finally got my Spring pedicure-albeit in July!

All I can say is..wow, I really needed that. I know that I “could” pretty up my feet by myself, but I uhhmm didn’t!

It’s funny how I feel lighter and freer now, in a sense, just because I know that I can don my Summer sandals without scaring children!haha