create an outer style that is a true reflection of me

obvious, but I had a bit of a fashion breakthrough yesterday. I went shopping for a white tshirt for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, to properly exploit front row seats in the splatter zone. While there, I tried on eight pairs of jeans in sizes 6 & 8. None of them fit. I don’t know what kind of curves curvy jeans are designed to fit, but it’s not small waist, hips and booty curves, as far as I can tell. I ended up either unable to pull them over my hips or with a huge gap between waist and waistband.

Then I tried on a pair of stretch cords and they were fantastic. Seriously, I nearly proposed to my own ass, it looked so good. I bought and wore them and I must say that the response from others was quite flattering. It made me realize that I’ve assumed I need to have at least two pairs of jeans at any time and jeans may not be what works for me. Well, duh. I have one pair that really fits and a few pair that nearly fit.

Getting out of jeans mode requires other pants that work for me. Or skirts. For every new pice of clothing I bring in, I usually get rid of something. In this case, I got rid of two pairs of pants that don’t fit.

I took a fashion quiz and it told me that I am “classic chic.” I agreed with the assessment for the most part, but I do like more pops of color than they suggested for me. I’m ok with this.

If I can get my weight down a bit more, I can start building a decent wardrobe. I would love to get some work pieces from Anthropologie. I adore that store, and they carry a lot of items that work in a professional setting.

I am having an easier time honing my professional style than my casual at-home style. I do have some very nice-looking jeans and I do tend to wear solid-colored tops. Some have details like empire waists and ruching but I would like a little more personality in my casual wardrobe. I’m still also stuck on quality issues.

I definitely want to keep my hair long. Right now, I have some bangs and layers, but I have a bad habit of not styling my hair before work. I usually end up in a pony tail by the end of the day. I have a couple of styles in mind that are close to what I already have, but better. I definitely need bangs to frame my face. I have a natural wave but I don’t emphasize it often enough. Here’s the one I like the best. I don’t want the red, but I think it’s sexy and pretty and simple and age-approriate (I’m just turning 30). I think it’s something I can maintain easily and will look good for work.

I’ve always had a hard time defining my style. When I was a child, I was overweight in a time when kids typically weren’t overweight. I was also tall, so I’ve been wearing adult clothing since I was 12. I had to wear whatever fit and the lack of control gave me a mindset of avoidance. In high school, people caught up to me a bit and I was able to find clothes that weren’t so obviously different. I still lacked confidence, and plus-sized clothes were still on the dorky side, so I tended to wear t-shirts and jeans. Toward the middle and end of college, style became easier as Target and Old Navy started carrying clothes in my size that looked the same as the clothes for “average” people. I’ve never had a lot of money for clothes, and since I didn’t develop a personal style early on, I’ve tended to just follow trends. While trends are fun, I need a base wardrobe with better quality clothing to work with.

I want to buy classic, quality clothing that will fit who I am, look good on my body, and allow me to adapt to trends while still keeping the “me” in my style. I’m turning 30 this year, so I don’t want to look too young, but I certainly don’t want to look too old. I’m an artist by nature and training but I have allowed myself to get stuck in office jobs since I graduated from college. I want to project an image that juxtaposes professionalism and artistic-ness. I also want my style to carry through from professional to casual wear. I’ve made a list of ideas I have about accomplishing this goal.

1)I definitely want to add more dresses to my wardrobe
2)I want to find a haircut that will fit my style—both professional and artistic (while being age-appropriate) I also want to be able to keep some length as I feel sexier with longer hair. I feel too butch when it’s short, even though I look very “cute” (barf!) with short hair.
3)I want people to stop calling me cute. I don’t mind being cute, but it isn’t the first word I want to come to mind when people describe me.
4)I want a small wardrobe. I hate having 20 items that I never wear unless I’m desperate
5)I want quality clothing
6)I want to make some of my clothing so that it is truly unique (I have a great sewing machine and the skills to make clothing)
7)I want to project that I am a capable professional while still being unique
8)I want to buy quality shoes that will last. I did this in college when I wore casual clothes all the time and only needed 3 pairs of shoes, but now that I like to wear lots of different shoes, I haven’t been able to afford buying good ones. I need to find a way to buy shoes that will last but still express who I am.
9)I definitely need more boots
10)I’m starting to grey (they’re actually shiny and colorless-woo-hoo! I’m going to have my dad’s pretty silver instead of my mom’s dull grey!) and I don’t want to start the cycle of dying my hair, so I need to find a way to look youthful while allowing my hair to change naturally.
10)I need to purge my jewelry collection. I have so much that I keep for sentimental value but never wear because it doesn’t fit my style anymore. I did get rid of some, but I have a long way to go.

I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of years now, and was inspired when I saw it on someone else’s list. Once I reach my goal weight, I want to replace my wardrobe with something that reflects who I am. My sweet husband said that he’d give me $10 of spending money for every pound I lose. He doesn’t want me to lose weight because he happens to like round girls, but I need to for my health. He thought it was a nice gesture since I complain about how much I hate all of my clothes. I’ve “earned” $150 so far and I’m hoping to have $600 at the end, which will be enough to get a decent base wardrobe to work with. Too bad the 30 pounds I lost before I met him doesn’t count!

I had a Macy’s gift card, so I got two half slips (boring but necessary) and two shortish pleated swingy dresses in plum and black. I wore one with a cropped sweater on Saturday. I also got two dresses at H&M (aqua sundress and blue/white stripe shirt dress), a red t-shirt, yoga pants, a pair of sandals and two pair of really cute skimmers ($32 for all three pairs of shoes!).

I wanted to find some pants for work, but no luck. Oh well, I can wear at least two of the dresses to work, so I still have more options.

and a mid-thigh knit cotton dress are making me feel very girly and kickass today. I even took a picture for posterity! Definitely want to get more dresses for summer.

to having the long flowing hair and chunky bangs of an international woman of mystery is having the chunky bangs and wavy shag of a male teen TV star from the 70s. I like it. It’s kinda girl rocker, too. This is a cellphone pic I took last night at the request of some friends who wanted to tease me. Tease away; I think I’m cute!

On Saturday, I did the test to see where to begin week five on the 200 Pushups program and did

120 crunches in a row!

I know, I rock. I also got my hair cut on Saturday. She changed my bangs to a thicker, messier look and cut some pieces along the side. I like it a lot. It makes me feel sexy in a 70s-teen-runaway-TV-movie kind of way. I’ve started doing pushups against my dresser, as I wasn’t progressing at all doing modified pushups on the ground. I can do 15 this way and am hoping it helps build the arm and chest strength I need to start a pushup program once I’ve conquered 200 crunches. I also took a walk this morning and did some leg lifts last night. My body wants this right now.

After I got back from walking for an hour this morning, I did five modified pushups (laugh if you want, that’s as many as I can manage before I get so wobbly I’m likely to collapse and break my nose). I also did five sets of crunches. How many in each set, you ask? Let me tell you:

45/50/45/45/65

Yes, ladies and gentlemen and transgendered people of all orientations, I did 250 crunches after walking a few miles, all by 7:30 this morning. This outer style is well on its way to sleek!