Write about what I did during my 43things absence so that I can move on

When I found out I was pregnant with my son, my husband was not exactly happy about the discovery. I won’t go into what exactly happened but we argued and I left him on Christmas Eve of 2006… I drove across 2 states to stay with my parents – I carried only an overnight bag & left everything I have ever owned behind. I though I was to have to start over again. I was scared and sick, more so than ever before.
During that time many people from 43things sent me cards & well-wishes on my old account here. Most of those people didn’t even know what was going on at all and so this IS FOR THEM – so they know… (if they ever read this) that even though the husband collected all those cards and threw them away, he later told me about them when we reconciled 5 months later.
I found one of those cards when we were moving the furniture around. It had a CD in it that someone had burned especially for me inside it…
Thank you.
Thank you all so much… I hope that you at least know how much that meant to me. Just to know that they were sent even if I never saw most of them. Just to know that even as I felt SO alone, I was not.
And that gives me hope during this time when I must find my courage.

During that time I went through a pregnancy, move, almost-divorce, another move, the traumatic birth of my son, experiencing a newborn, working again briefly, traveling, the death of a family member, and every single human emotion imaginable.
My pregnancy was hard… I was terribly sick and emotional for the entire 9.5 months. I gained (and subsequently lost) a massive amount of weight. I went two weeks OVERDUE with the boy – having to be induced in the end. He is now five months old and healthy but not without some very trying times…
I never imagined that would be the most life altering experience I have ever had. I never imagined I would be somebody’s MOMMY!!! I still can’t believe it!

Before I was a Mom –
I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I got into bed.
I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was a Mom -
I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn’t worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom -
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Spit on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom -
I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests. Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom -
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn’t want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn’t stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom -
I didn’t know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn’t know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn’t know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn’t know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom -
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure
all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
The joy,
The love,
The heartache,
The wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn’t know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

I’m still trying to work it all out. I feel that if I can get it out here then I can evaluate the work I need to do personally… spiritually, emotionally, and even physically. To heal.