visit my Dad`s grave

My dad died of cancer on Thanksgiving in 2004. I just couldn’t deal with it. At the same time, my brother was in the hospital, my grandmother had died a month earlier and I was in my first year at law school. When my dad died, I ignored my feelings completely, so that I could at least function in my life.

After a few months, I started therapy and I began talking about my dad with my friends. Eventually, I could talk about my dad’s death without breaking down in tears. My guilt gradually lessened. I got to a point where I could remember the good times without instantly feeling overwhelming grief that he was gone.

However, I still have not visited my father’s grave since the funeral. I have always been afraid. Still, I want to visit his grave and say “hi”.

Dad died, at the age of 29, from long-term heart problems. I was a mere one and a half years old when he prematurely pegged it.

Being a baby, I obviously have no memories of him whatsoever; all I can go on are photos and other people’s stories. People say I look like him, sadly for me this means I’ve inherited his bushy eyebrows!

I could lie here, add a bit of drama, and tell you he’s always on my mind. He isn’t. However, sometimes I catch myself wondering how life would’ve turned out if he had been around. How brilliant it would’ve been to avoid the chain of events his death triggered!

How can you miss somebody you never knew? But I do miss him at times. And as this was the first thing that sprung to mind when I came across this site I guess it’s pretty important for me to have some closure.

The effects of his death on me aren’t obvious, at first glance. Scratch the surface though and the signs are there, etched so finely onto this heart of mine. Recently, I realised that I’ve got a deathly fear of dying young (I won’t moan about turning thirty; I’ll breathe a sigh of relief!) and I’m uneasy about getting close to men romance-wise. Dad was taken from us so young, what’s to say history won’t repeat itself?

In 20 years, I’ve never visited to pay my respects. I’m not even entirely sure where he’s buried; Dad was always a touchy subject to raise in conversation so I never bothered.

So. Find out where he’s laid to rest, visit with flowers, and strike down a few demons from the past. Bish bash bosh, just like that!

Yeah..

Will go within next few weeks

On father’s day I went and sat there, as soon as I drove into the cemetary, I burst into tears. I Listened to Box of Rain, and cried and cried. I am glad that I finally did it. I couldn’t really look at his name engraved on the tombstone, or else I would just break down. Now that’s the shock is out of my system, I think I can visit without freaking out too much.

I had a rock from his grave that I’ve been having since his funeral, and I lost it. This made me pretty upset, and I still haven’t visited his grave. Not for lack of oppurtunity or thought, but lack of strengthhh, I don’t think I can look at the tombstone and see his name on it. At the funeral, the headstone wasn’t ready yet, so I didn’t have to see it. Ughleksjfdkj, life gives me so many lemons recently.

I haven’t seen it since just after the funeral two years ago. He’s in Indiana, and I’m down here in Alabama. I haven’t even seen his headstone yet. I need to see it to I suppose clear my head.

My father shouldn’t have a grave for me to visit.

21 years since he died…and the last time I visited his grave was that year. My mom didn’t take me back until after grass had grown over the grave. I was 7 years old then…and I’m 28 now. I want to go back, it’s just so painful and I know it’s going to be a very emotional moment when I start thinking about all the things he missed in my life: proms, graduations, weddings, the birth of my son…

I live 2,000 miles away from where he’s buried now, but next time I’m close, I’m finally going to do it.

i just cant bring myself to do it…i wonder if its disrespectful to him not to…but it just kills me..i havent gone in months…