Prove them wrong

So,today,after over a month of torturing waiting,I got the results of my finals and turns out I’ll be leaving for College in about 4 months.I’ll be moving to a beautiful city,Thessaloniki and I’m going to rent an apartment with my sister,but she won’t be around much.
I’m happy and feel so much more confident now that I know what I’m going to do next in my life.Feels like I’ve got a purpose,a goal finally.
In a few months,I’ll be crossing this one off from my new apartment. ::does the happy dance::

‘Them’ is the ex-boyfriend who discouraged me from being myself, never showed any interest in my well-being and desires, and otherwise abused/neglected me emotionally.

‘Them’ is the people I encountered throughout elementary, junior, and high school that thought I was nobody and treated me accordingly.

‘Them’ is my brother who continually puts down other people and their dreams, while putting down himself and his own dreams, too.

‘Them’ is the parents that have never expected anything from me but to get married and push out babies, and never showed any interest in who I was as an individual.

‘Them’ is the negative self-talk and abuse I’ve been giving myself my whole life as a normal reaction to being around unhealthy people that couldn’t treat me or anyone else right.

‘Them’ is hate, negativity, neglect, and destruction – and I’m going to prove ‘them’ wrong by growing to my full potential and helping everyone I meet to do the same.

Yep, I think I’m almost done with this goal!
And I feel really good about myself.

I’ve almost forgotten about this goal,but I guess it happened by itself in the end and I learned a lot in the process.
Now,I feel more positive,more happy.I think I’m growing up,I’m becoming more mature day after day and it feels good to know you can stand on your own two feet and embrace life.
I’m helping my mother out everyday for about 5-6 hours (she has a little shop and my brother and I work there),I’ve passed my exams and in a few months I’ll be moving out but most importantly, I realized that I don’t really care about what other people think of the way I’ve lived my life so far or it they had judged me in the past for little mistakes I have made as a teenager.It was myself I wanted to please and impress afterall and I’m almost there.

Well i would like to prove 2 groups of people wrong
my parents who dont think i could maintain the job i have at the moment [and although i dont think its a great job they shouldn’t be judgemental and someone needs to show them] so i will be working extra hard to sell the products and also…..
my friends who although its all jokes really dont think i can get a high enterscore….

Some hard work will have to be achieved…

Not necessarily a major setback. My job was boring-r-us. Menial work I could’ve done out of high school. This gives me the opportunity to go out and find something I truly love.

I quote the words from one of my favourite songs as my new mantra:

“I’ve got the green light, I’ve got a little fight. I’m gonna turn this thing around.”

I want to prove them all wrong.

Not just the people in my life, but the voices in my head. Many times i’ve thought about completely giving up, becoming an apathetic robot.

If I ever go down, it’s certainly not going to be without a fight.

Cheesy shit obviously. But sometimes it needs to be said before bottling it all up makes you implode. All I want is respect for myself, respect from others. Right now i’m alive, but i’m not living.

All I want is to be happy, is that too much to ask?

I’ve had enough of this “why didn’t you apply for the technical job” business.

Tonight I’m emailing one of our major competitors who are hiring like mad. I’ll get a job in a place that appreciates good workers. Screw current job!

It’s a dead end. They hired me right out of an internship 2 years ago and even today still see me as an intern…The other day, someone even googled something for me…

What? I can’t google? I have a freaking investigative journalism award and you think I need things googled for me?

UGH!

To get you up to speed, I’ve been looking for a new job for 6 months…and not just on a casual basis..I’ve been calling and sending out DVDs and emails and getting interviews…but I haven’t been able to find anything yet.

Yesterday my boss said they’re going to be “posting” my and a another coworkers job and that we should apply.

This means our jobs are going to be made permanent instead of temporary and we have to apply for them and have an interview for it. This is normal in the company and I’m fine with it.

But she said that they’re changing my position to be “more technical” and when I asked her what that meant she wouldn’t explain. She does this a lot. Says stuff is going to change but won’t tell you what it is until it happened and you can’t do anything about it anymore. I’m a journalist, not a technical anything even though she has always seemed to think I am because I’m young and know how to use a computer.

To top it off she said they would even change the shift time from 2-10 pm so that I have to cancel all my evening volunteer work and workout class. Needless to say, why should I reapply for my own job when its getting even crappier?

It’s so discouraging to have been looking for a job for so long, and come up with nothing and now having my job description changed to be something I’m not good at nor what I want to do.

Just last year I won a major award for my work but some good its doing for me. I can’t even get a job in my field, now its going to be “technical” whatever that means. Now I feel like a big failure. All I want is happiness but sometimes it seems like happiness is asking for too much.

I don’t know what to do anymore. And then unhelpful people tell me “don’t take it personal.” My happiness is personal. When nobody wants to give me a job that I’m good at or that will make me happy, what does that have to do with taking something “personal?”

And my boyfriend is useless because his solution to everything is “Don’t cry, remember you have love and others don’t.” Well that’s not going to make me happy for all the hours of my day I waste at a crappy job when he’s not around is it?

I don’t know what to do or think or feel anymore.

but is not. I was very close to do this, but my world turned around drastically and now Im back to my old same crap. I guess is hard to scape mediocrity. Maybe is my destiny to remain like this for another 10 years.

There are some days,I’m sure everyone has or had sometime in their lives.
Days like this;I’m feeling worthless,angry,whiny,like I have no purpose in life,like I can’t make my dreams come true.
And I hate my pessimistic self,truly.
Perhaps it’s the cold,rainy weather,perhaps it’s just me getting mad at myself for not trying a little harder and for lashing out my anger at others.
I feel lost,again.
I just need a break,some me time and happy,positive thoughts.