Prove them wrong

Well i would like to prove 2 groups of people wrong
my parents who dont think i could maintain the job i have at the moment [and although i dont think its a great job they shouldn’t be judgemental and someone needs to show them] so i will be working extra hard to sell the products and also…..
my friends who although its all jokes really dont think i can get a high enterscore….

Some hard work will have to be achieved…

Not necessarily a major setback. My job was boring-r-us. Menial work I could’ve done out of high school. This gives me the opportunity to go out and find something I truly love.

I quote the words from one of my favourite songs as my new mantra:

“I’ve got the green light, I’ve got a little fight. I’m gonna turn this thing around.”

I want to prove them all wrong.

Not just the people in my life, but the voices in my head. Many times i’ve thought about completely giving up, becoming an apathetic robot.

If I ever go down, it’s certainly not going to be without a fight.

Cheesy shit obviously. But sometimes it needs to be said before bottling it all up makes you implode. All I want is respect for myself, respect from others. Right now i’m alive, but i’m not living.

All I want is to be happy, is that too much to ask?

I’ve had enough of this “why didn’t you apply for the technical job” business.

Tonight I’m emailing one of our major competitors who are hiring like mad. I’ll get a job in a place that appreciates good workers. Screw current job!

It’s a dead end. They hired me right out of an internship 2 years ago and even today still see me as an intern…The other day, someone even googled something for me…

What? I can’t google? I have a freaking investigative journalism award and you think I need things googled for me?

UGH!

I’m 17. Does that make me completely ignorant to the entire world? Of course. Absolutely.

But here’s another question. Is everyone that’s older than me anymore oblivious? Absolutely NOT. 95% of kids are naive and clueless. Well, that 5% is still a pretty big number, and I like to think that I’m part of it.

Yeah, I know that being in a long term relationship at my age USUALLY isn’t a good idea. But you know what? Once out of a few thousand times, it WORKS. And you know what? If Ana and I are that one out of a few thousand, and I give up because of some goddamn STATISTICS, then… I’m an idiot.

So, you age-discriminating bastards, did you ever stop to think that it would be more naive to give up instead of at least giving it a chance? And if I want to screw up my life at 17, that’s MY problem. I’m smarter than that.

Let ME worry about MY life. And if/when she’s standing next to me at the altar, looking amazing in a beautiful white dress, I’ll say, “I told you so,” with my middle fingers up.

To get you up to speed, I’ve been looking for a new job for 6 months…and not just on a casual basis..I’ve been calling and sending out DVDs and emails and getting interviews…but I haven’t been able to find anything yet.

Yesterday my boss said they’re going to be “posting” my and a another coworkers job and that we should apply.

This means our jobs are going to be made permanent instead of temporary and we have to apply for them and have an interview for it. This is normal in the company and I’m fine with it.

But she said that they’re changing my position to be “more technical” and when I asked her what that meant she wouldn’t explain. She does this a lot. Says stuff is going to change but won’t tell you what it is until it happened and you can’t do anything about it anymore. I’m a journalist, not a technical anything even though she has always seemed to think I am because I’m young and know how to use a computer.

To top it off she said they would even change the shift time from 2-10 pm so that I have to cancel all my evening volunteer work and workout class. Needless to say, why should I reapply for my own job when its getting even crappier?

It’s so discouraging to have been looking for a job for so long, and come up with nothing and now having my job description changed to be something I’m not good at nor what I want to do.

Just last year I won a major award for my work but some good its doing for me. I can’t even get a job in my field, now its going to be “technical” whatever that means. Now I feel like a big failure. All I want is happiness but sometimes it seems like happiness is asking for too much.

I don’t know what to do anymore. And then unhelpful people tell me “don’t take it personal.” My happiness is personal. When nobody wants to give me a job that I’m good at or that will make me happy, what does that have to do with taking something “personal?”

And my boyfriend is useless because his solution to everything is “Don’t cry, remember you have love and others don’t.” Well that’s not going to make me happy for all the hours of my day I waste at a crappy job when he’s not around is it?

I don’t know what to do or think or feel anymore.

but is not. I was very close to do this, but my world turned around drastically and now Im back to my old same crap. I guess is hard to scape mediocrity. Maybe is my destiny to remain like this for another 10 years.

There are some days,I’m sure everyone has or had sometime in their lives.
Days like this;I’m feeling worthless,angry,whiny,like I have no purpose in life,like I can’t make my dreams come true.
And I hate my pessimistic self,truly.
Perhaps it’s the cold,rainy weather,perhaps it’s just me getting mad at myself for not trying a little harder and for lashing out my anger at others.
I feel lost,again.
I just need a break,some me time and happy,positive thoughts.

I am getting ready to move close to where my hometown is located- its for a big job promotion but no one there knows that- all that they will know is Im not quite as in shape as I was when I left town so I am going to prove it to myself and to them that I can look like that again- not to mention proving to everyone that my young age does not mean that I cannot do my new job…its VERY challenging and I cant wait to succeed : )

So many people tell me I’m not going to make it and I WILL!