not be afraid of making out

There was a time when I didn’t even want to make out with a guy. The thought of it felt dirty, like I was being taken advantage of. Within the past year or more, I’ve gotten back the desire to make out with guys, and I’ve realized it’s okay as long as there is some sort of meaningful connection or the guy has respect for me or both. I haven’t exactly figured it all out yet. Right now, it’s my inhibitions holding me back. I’m 19 and I still don’t make out with people. I was in a serious relationship with someone for 2 months, and I never made out with him. Now, I’m doing all this casual dating and it’s assumed that I make out. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that I’ve put it off for years…I did it like 2 years ago but that was the last time (and it was with my best friend for practice—it didn’t work well at all). I’ve put it off for so long that it’s just become this big huge problem that just keeps getting worse and worse. This is ridiculous, I just need to get over the hurdle and it’ll be fine…but I can’t face the awkwardness and uncomfortableness that it’ll bring. I’m scheduled for a make out session tomorrow night with Casey, and he knows my deal, I explained it to him. He seems to be understanding enough, so it’s just me who is holding myself back. What is so intimidating about this? In order to conquer this, I’m going to have to enter the situation with a “fuck it all” attitude, having it mean nothing that I haven’t done this for a while, embrace the awkwardness, and be ready for the challenge. A fucking game face, that’s what I need. Fear no longer. I will do this shit…even if it means me surrendering all of my ego.