get my mind off that certain someone.

I finally think I can check this goal as done. For now. I fasted about it, I got an answer, and I have been trying to follow through with it. Things have been really good, I’m not thinking about him… actually, I’m hardly thinking about him at all. God spoke to me when I fasted and I came to the conclusion that there is so much that would have to change right now that it isn’t worth the time right now. God pretty much told me to stop holding on and let it all go back to Him again and things would be okay. And it isnt one but suprising that He was right… everything is okay.

I am not ruling it out for good. Because God has something in store for me and I don’t know what that is, but I AM ruling the possibility and the want to be with him out for now.

funny/great thing? I LOVE writing this entry. It’s amazing.

So, I think that I can check this goal off because even though I DO think about him, it isn’t in the same way… not anymore… for now.

So, I feel the need to blog about this tonight before I go to bed. I was doing so good, better than I have been for a long time with this… until recently. I have never been more confused in my life about this kind of thing. I feel that I am being pulled in two polar opposite directions. I am getting advice on both sides, but that isn’t whats pulling me, even thouugh they are helping, but it’s all me that is doing the pulling. I have been thinking about this, praying about this, writing about this and one day I will think I know what I need to do and the next I’m clueless.

It’s so frustrating not knowing what to do. I mean, even when I was whatever I was with Robert, I knew what I was doing and exactly how I felt, but with this one, I have no clue on either. I think I know what I should do, but I don’t know what I want to do…. like, my gut is telling me to do something, but then my brain and heart come into play and I am back to square one.

Another thing is that I am thinking about how I don’t know if I can see myself with this person for the rest of my life… right now. When my feelings started for him way back when, I thought I could, but things have happened and decisions were made and things were done on his part that are making me think otherwise. When I started liking him, I didn’t think anything was wrong with my feelings for him, but now, because of those decisions, I am starting to think that maybe me liking him isn’t the best thing in the world.

ahh I don’t know.

I need adivce. But I need it from God. I need Him to instill His plan for this in me so I know what to do about it. Monday I laid it all down and told Him that if the feelings werent from Him to take them away. I will give them up for Him if it is what’s in His will. But I don’t want to give them up if it I’m not supposed to. I just need God to speak to me on this. And hopefully on Monday, He will. I am fasting on Monday about this, I need answers, and I know that I will get them.

I am now convinced that I am supposed to have these feelings. I am keeping them under control though. I’m NOT letting them interfere with my relationship with God or the time I spend with Him. Of course, there are times that it’s hard to do, but I am sincerely trying my hardest. I am excited to see where these feelings are going to go and what the future has in store for me and maybe him as well. It’s all in God’s hands and if it is meant to be, then it will be—same thing if it isn’t meant to be, then it won’t be. I accept that whole heartedly. =]

the feelings are actually getting stronger. so now, I’m starting to think that maybe I was given these feelings for a reason? Maybe not. ahh, I don’t know.

I can feel the shackles of the enemy getting a hold of me. This is getting to me daily. I can’t fall victim to liking someone when I don’t know if the emotions are from God or not. The emotions are all pure, of course, but they are still emotions that I don’t want to have to deal with unless it is God giving them to me. God, please take them away if they’re not from you!