identify things that make me unhappy and erase them from my life

1. Having an agenda but denying it
2. Being endlessly available in the beginning and endlessly busy at the end
3. Projecting emotions on me that did not exist but making me feel defensive about them nonetheless
4. “Are you hungry?”
5. “Shower? Are you nuts?”
6. No reaching out at the right times
7. No cuddling when it would be appropriate
8. “My hair is still wet”
9. Fully clothed immediately
10. One night and a sleeping pill
11. “You’re too intense”
12. “You’re too thoughtful”
13. Applying a formula to determine if a friendship/relationship can continue
14. Emotions should not be considered
15. “I don’t say good-bye or see you later or call you or I will miss you”, I just walk away or shut off
16. “I don’t like surprises”
17. “I don’t ever do anything I don’t want to”
18. “I just want to be an Island”
19. “Just let it be”
20. “I must never say sorry” (even when I am a total tool)
21. You would never ask how I am or if things are fine
22. “You should treat me like any other acquaintance”
23. Be blatantly rude
24. Never acknowledge you know me in front of anyone else

Why can’t reality be like on the computer? When you erase someone, they should be gone. Not popping up just long enough so you aren’t sure how to react. Not making you think again if this is my fault? Not leaving you wondering all day whether your aloof reaction was appropriate. Not making you react later in a far friendlier way than the original only to be rebuffed. Where is the delete key? Where is the erase like on the remote control? It’s all I want.

Four things all with common themes
I am miserable because of them
I am distracted from finding who I am because of them
I am distracted from true happiness because of them
I am too focused on them to go out and find things that truly please me
I am tied to my computer because of them
I am tied to a routine because of them

Need to figure out the lessons:

1. Evolution is good. Complacency is bad. Live your one life
2. Sharing and bonding are important. Morals are important. Find the balance between the two. But, don’t compromise one for the other.
3. It is easy to pretend that someone is what you want them to be if you want it bad enough. It doesn’t make it true. Your reality isn’t necessarily THE reality.
4. Cautionary tale. A total stranger can share with you emotionally and physically but don’t be surprised when what you get in return is not what you hoped. Leaping is fun but the landing hurts like hell.

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