reach my happy weight

In the past few months, I’ve turned my attention to running and away from watching my diet. And as a result, I’ve become a stronger runner, and I’ve put back on a few pounds. I’ve signed back up for weight watchers and I’m starting this whole thing again.

I wonder if someday I’ll be able to maintain a happy weight without thinking about it. For years now, it seems like if my attention isn’t there, I gain.

I’ve been maintaining my weight steadily for the past couple months. I’ve lost 25 pounds, with still about 15 or so to go to have a healthy BMI. Lately, my heart just hasn’t been into weight loss, but I’m glad that I can maintain pretty easily. That gives me a lot of confidence for keeping weight off.

I’ve been very active and focusing a lot on running. I just have no desire to weigh, measure and track my food or to turn down bourbon and chocolate cake when offered to me at a work baby shower. Maintaining my weight has become easy for me (it wasn’t always), but losing takes more discipline.

I’m comfortable and content with where I’m at now, but I know I would be happier with how I look and feel if I lost a few more pounds. I guess I’m just in now rush. Maybe I’m frightened of the unknown—and not feeling overweight is definitely new territory for me. Maybe I’m sensible to just focus on running without trying to lose weight. Maybe I’m just lazy. We’ll see.

I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life and a couple of years ago I had finally “made it”, reached my goal weight…but I found myself in a constant panic, scrutinizing everything I ate, weighing myself every morning. When I took a step back from the situation, I realized I wasn’t happy and it was something that losing weight alone could not give me. Now i’ve actually gained weight back and feel even worse…I’d just like to find a happy and healthy medium, where I don’t have to keep worrying everyday, one that doesn’t have societal standards attached to it.

After fifteen weeks on Weight Watchers, I’ve lost 15 pounds. So that means I’ve reached my 10% goal (losing 10% of my body weight). It also means I’ve lost 21 pounds total. I still want to lose at the very least another 15, but its good to be making progress.

Four weeks on weight watchers and I have lost 7.5 pounds (plus six from before). I’m getting there! It is amazing what logging what you eat can do. Hopefully, I will be inspired to keep this up. I know I have more to lose, but I feel so much better already.

So after about 5 months, I finally was able to cross off my goal of “Lose 5 Pounds”. Its kind of bittersweet—I know its a step in the right direction, but its much more slower than I’d like to see. But I’ve been much more conscious about my eating these past few weeks, and I’m exercising more as well. I’m finally starting to see this reflected in the scale.

I’d originally thought that I’d complete the five pound goal and set another mini goal. But I realize that my weight is going to fluctuate, so its quite a big margin of error so I don’t want to worry about it as much in terms of numbers. The scale can be fickle and I don’t like when it affects my mood.

I know I’ve got weight to lose. I’ll have to drop another 7 or 8 pounds before I’m not considered obese. And the “healthy” weight range? I haven’t seen that in more than a decade.

I’m not quite sure where my happy weight is yet… I figure I’ll know it when I get closer. Until then, I’m going to enjoy seeing my fitness improve as I exercise (slowly but surely), and savor delicious homemade soups and fresh veggies.