have a toned healthy body of appropriate weight by the end of 2008

this year at least. I will have to add it, yet again to another years list of goals. I was truly hoping that this would be the year that I would accomplish this goal. I am angry and ddisappointed with myself. I put my relationship with Gary before my relationship with myself. I would spend the time with him, eating out at restaurants but even more harmful, drinking. I haven;t had a drink in a week, although I did do some emotional eating. I am healing, slowly. Getting involved with Gary was a big step for me. I had not given any thought to even beginning a serious relationship with anybody in a very very long time. I am feeling a little raw still and I know I will be for a while. I need to take that time and heal without beating myself up for not sticking to weight loss goals or eating restrictions. When I am ready to begin this goal again, I will know it and then commit to it. Until then I am letting myself off of the hook.

after leaving Gary. I have gained three pounds. Yeesh! I was trying to go the other way. I will get back to it. Time heals all wounds they say.

My current BMI is 28.5 which is in the overweight range. For me to get to the upper limit of the healthy weight range which is between 18.5 to 24.9 I need to lose 22 pounds.

I have been to the gym four time this week, and did at least 50 minutes of aerobic exercise and 20 minutes of weights. I have cut down on my food intake and I cut back on alcohol, fat and sugar consumption. I also walked at work during my breaks for at least 30 minutes each time. I lost two pounds this week.

I have a hike planned this weekend and I will mirror this regime again this week with a little more attention to balancing my diet. Let’s shoot for the same results. I have enough weeks left in the year to accomplish this goal still. I have great muscle memory as I have exercised with weights on and off all of my life. I tend to jump back into shape quite quickly. It is just shedding the pounds that is difficult for me. I like my food and wine too much.

The new year will bring again a weight loss goal but hopefully my exercise regime will be so ingrained that it will not feel like a goal or resolution but more of a continued effort at healthy living.

at the new gym and we came up with a program to lose this weight. She showed me how to use all of the new nautilas equipment and the reps and weight. I have been trying to go regularly but the need and search for a part time job seems to be taking precedence right now. But I have a great plan. I can see myself losing a good 15-20 pounds still by the end of the year. This weight program coupled with more aerobic exercise will definitely help me reach this goal.

October is here and I haven’t done too well now have I?

Time to hit it hard, stop drinking and eating so much, and make it to the gym as often as I possible can.

Nude streaking in january doesn’t sound fun. (although I did find out that here in Vermont, if you leave the house nude, you are not breaking any laws of indecency, only if you strip once you are outside. Isn;t that weird?? That is why they can hae a nude bike ride up at UVM every year.)

I have canceled my membership at one gym and joined the other one. I have hooked up with a really hot guy at work who is willing to go to the gym with me every night that we work. I am responsible for getting to the gym on the days I am nto working. It is helpful to have somebody to go with. We have even incorporated some punishments for bowing out. But they are not very hard to take so they don’t scare me. Still, I would rather not have any time of punishment I would rather the motivation be a positive. I am looking for some way right now that will inspire me. I am thinking of some cognitive therapy, like Pavlov’d dogs, you know he rings the bell and the dogs salivate because he associated the food with the rigning of the bell. I would like to associate some positive thing, something that is going to make me feel really, really good right after working out. I knwo that I already ahve a good feeling about myself for sccomplishing th goal of getting to the gym and I never leave feelign like I shouldn;t have doen that but I am lookign for soemthing better, something BIGGER, ORGASMIC LIKE!! Something that is going to make me feel really good. Perhaps I should leave a vibrator in the car for the ride back to work. Ha Ha but then I would never go back inside.

I am open for suggestions.

with the car problems and the seemingly lack of time I still did not make it to the new gym to sign up.

Streaking in January does not sound pleasant to me.

or streak through my appartment complex naked, I best get my ass in gear. I quit the gym that I have been going to and am joining a new one today, one that is less intimidating and more accessible. I am hoping that this change, as well as the reduction in cost will be a good incentive. It will also allow me a little more dispensible income to go for the offer at the local cable company for unlimited local and long distance calling, high speed internet and the expanded cable package. I think this will be a good move all around. I will be able to call my mother in Canada more, as well as my new found brother. One of the things I like at Gary’s is the great cable service he has and now I will have it at home too. As well as better internet service. I see nothing bad in this deal. At least not yet.

Okay so what does this have to do with me accomplishing ths goal? Nothing really, I am just blabbering on.

again. But this time, no kidding. I am going to change gyms today. I am not going to worry about getting home to see Gary before he leaves for work. I am going to go to the gym instead. I am going to go back to planning my meals like I used to and cut back on the drinking and the restaurant outings. I can do this, I can do ANYTHING I set my mind to. I also know that going to the gym for me, is a big, BIG ego booster and confidence builder. Not necesarily losing weight but just getting to the gym and doing the work and honoring myself and my promises to me. This will be a big help in a few of my other goals. Including leaving Gary.

right on the outside of my thighs tells me that I am going the wrong way on this goal. I can feel just a slightly thicker layer of flesh (lets call it as we see it, FAT) on the outside of my thigh where the bone meets the hip. It feels nasty.

I have not been going to the gym lately. I set up this whole program to work out andI know how fast time flies so I shoudl get cracking. I wanted to change gyms and hoped that that would be my motivator. I just paid my mothly membership at my regular gym which is old, small and dirty feeling. They have just opened a new gym close to where I work as well as another one close to my house. I can use either one with the same membership. Will it make much of a difference in motivation? Maybe, maybe not. But the cost is $25 less than where I am going for more options and unlimited guests. That does it for me.

Now to make sure I get there.