10 Amazing Things my Mom did for me

She made me pretty tough, mentally. I’ve a long way to go to be even nearly as tough as she was, but I’d like to think she’d be proud to know that a part of her is alive & well in me.

When I was 8, my mom caught me singing with a hairbrush in front of the mirror & teased me for wanting to be a star. When I was 12, I scored a solo in the school pageant. She told me I did well except for “that one big clunker note.” Those two things made me self-conscious about my singing, but I LOVED to sing, so I was determined to do it, in spite of some rather powerful self-doubt.

Finally, when I was 35, I recorded a song that I wrote for my mom’s birthday. “You should try to write songs in Nashville,” she said. “You’re a wonderful writer and your voice is lovely.” I was floored.

Now that I’m finally trying to write songs for real, I “talk” to mom about it, frequently. I toss out little jokes like, “Ok, mom. This is partly YOUR money here, so you’re gonna have to make it work!” (Mom always had a Midas touch in business.)

Today, hubby & I were talking to some friends. I confessed that a part of me keeps thinking that this should be much, much harder, that we know people who have been doing this for years & are still playing the open mics. Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but why do WE have a booker?

Hubby said, “Right now your mom is looking down at you, tapping her foot & saying, ‘You asked for my help. Are you gonna do this, or what?’”

Maybe you have to know us to appreciate the commentary, but it sounded about right to me…
:)

And P.S. We still have a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG way to go before we make any serious money at this, but I do feel grateful to have gotten anywhere at all, this early in the process…

about Uncle Bethel these days, but the money we invested in the studio came, in part, from the money that mom left me. She’d approve; she always told me I should try writing songs. Anyway, these past few days, I’ve been talking to her again, “This s YOUR money, mom, so help us make it work!”

Sounds crazy, I know, but she was extremely frugal, so she’d want us to be successful. This is her money, after all.
:)

Yeppers, crazy.

But I like feeling that she’s in my corner, so maybe it’s ok to be a little crazy…

She gives me a dollar or two so I can do my laundry every week.

AND we gossip about all the dumb crap the people we are forced to see everyday do. We totally understand. How shitty our friends our, how much work it is to have friends. We’re both hermits.

she calls like everyday. I love that. She used to call every night when I was younger, too, but I think now she actually wants to (somenights). I’m just happy that she makes the effort to be a better mommy =]

When my internet wasn’t working, she was going to get online for me and read a whole page of crap I needed to finish my homework. NO COMPLAINING OR ANY HINT OF “I don’t want to do this”.
I love my mommy <3

I wasn’t jar’d. It was more of my dad’s idea, but I guess my mom still had the choice.

She’s told me a lot about how money, credit cards, loans, why I should buy a house, how all that crap works. I’d be lost and poor without her.

Her house is closing this Friday so last night I went over to say goodbye… As I looked around, I reflected on how clean the house was, not just of the dust & clutter, but of all the painful memories of how sick she’d gotten… For the first time in years, I was able to remember when she first bought the house, how happy she was, and how much she loved it…

I thought, “Wouldn’t it be nice if our RELATIONSHIP was as clean as the house?” and that started a stream of apologies to her for not treating her better, followed by an admission that even when I was justified in being upset with her, I now wish I’d been kinder about it…

I apologized for not spending more time with her, for putting other things before her more often than I wish I had, in hindsight… And then I told her how much I loved her and asked her to please forgive me….

Instantly I felt a slight lifting of the spirit & I knew I was forgiven – by everyone except myself… “I know,” I cried to her, “I’ll work on the self-forgiveness…”

She said she was always proud of me… Even when I felt she was being critical, she was only trying to help… She didn’t mean for any of it to hurt… She loved me… The tears streamed down… It was just what I needed to hear… Again, I told her I was so sorry…

Then she said if I wanted to make it right, I should take care of my own daughter, always put her first, and that I should also spend lot of time with my baby sister, because she loves and depends on me… I promised I would, and I meant it…

After a good cry, I sat calmly, not quite ready to leave… I just wanted to be close to her for a bit longer….

When I finally did stand to go, I turned around and looked at the door of her bedroom… I felt her strong presence in the doorway… Out of nowhere I told her, “I forgive you too, mom… and I’ll always love you.” In that moment, I finally felt forgiven myself…

I know all of this sounds crazy, know that in “reality” the entire conversation was inside my head – me talking to me – but it FELT like her, and it was such a loving, soothing presence that I choose to believe it was her, regardless of the so-called “truth…”

I’m running out of amazing things my mom has done! But one thing I learned, don’t get attached, obsessed, or crazy over anyone. She was a mess.